All in Miscarriage

I remember the sweet lady that brought me comfort food in the quiet hours of my second miscarriage. I told her how I wanted to trust God with a new pregnancy but I felt like I might set myself up for failure. I felt safe with her. She knew my pain well and I didn't worry about her judging me. She placed the chocolate cake on the counter and said with a soft and honest voice, "Your pregnancies will never be the same once you've gone through a miscarriage." I knew she was right and I appreciated her honesty. It was comforting to know that my struggle was a common one. I wouldn't walk this journey alone. I didn't have to feel ashamed, but I could walk alongside others.

"I'm tired of being afraid. I'm wondering how I got this way. I'm trying to remember what life was like before. Panic moved in without even knocking on the door. Have mercy on me. I'm not who I used to be. Have mercy on me. Jesus, please..." Have Mercy on Me lyrics, -JJ Heller

I remember so clearly, as though it was only yesterday and not nearly three years in my past, those overwhelming feelings of panic that would run through my veins every minute of every day and night for what seemed to be months on end.

I can close my eyes and instantly recall the constant unrest that would swirl around within my mind, and the tears...the most sincere and heartfelt tears I think I may have ever cried in my whole life, that would fall day after day after day. Night after night after night.