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His answer caught me a bit by surprise. "I would love it if you just hugged me...longer."
In a season of difficult decisions and busy schedules, I had asked my husband, "What can I DO to help you?" I wanted to make phone calls, create to-do lists...take things off his plate. I longed to right the wrongs and fix things. Well aware of all that had to be done in the day to day, I rarely paused for long displays of affection; I was too efficient for hugs.
It was a bright, sunny spring day with puffy clouds in the sky. My children and I were returning home from a busy morning of running errands. Since we were ahead of schedule for once, I decided we would stop at a local coffeehouse to grab a refreshing treat. I love the coconut lattes there and my children love their green tea– fruit smoothies. We could sip our drinks and talk about what the evening held, which included grilling out and a trip to the local baseball diamond where both of my sons had games scheduled for later that evening.
As we rounded the corner of the building to reach the front door, a teenage boy stood near the door with his back facing us. I thought he looked familiar. His navy blue coat and curly brown hair seemed to belong to the son of a friend of mine. As we got closer, I saw him turn his head to the side and then realized it was my friend’s son. I spoke his name cheerfully to greet him. The reaction I got was not what I expected.
I'm sure I'm not the only mama out there has often heard the statement, "But mom! So and so is allowed to do it!" Or, "Everyone else has one..." Or, "Why can't we just be like everyone else???"
And what do we always say in return?
"You are not so and so, and I am not so and so's mom, and our family has their own way of doing things."
And while we might hear this more clearly from our children and have a strong reaction against it, what about all the times we have a similar dialogue within our own hearts and minds?
We are always hearing how having teenagers is tough! And it can be! Our children are becoming young men and women and adolescence isn’t always easy. There are skin breakouts, hormones,emotions they don’t always know what to do with , and coming to grips with who they are. However, there are wonderful things about having teens that can bless us in amazing ways. These truly can be the “best years” of parenting and bring memories that will last a lifetime!
The more intentional you are with your children while they are growing up, the better things will be with your child in their teen years.
I love being a mom.
I love caring for our children. Guiding them. Teaching them. And simply hugging them.
Motherhood is such a beautiful thing.
But that doesn't mean I always sleep well at night. Or that I never worry. You see, I start to wonder if I'm a good enough mother . . . or at least the right one for this child.
Because -- between you and me -- I sometimes agonize over these gifts I've been given. These children of mine.
And I question whether I really have what it takes and if they're gonna turn out okay in the end.
As a New Yorker, I tend to keep my head down. Apart from the times when I break down from cold or exhaustion and hail a cab, for the most part, I walk everywhere I go. My children in tow like little ducklings, my voice click clicking every now and then to grab their attention before we cross another intersection, or to make them aware of others in the opposite "lane" on the sidewalk. I am rarely ever alone. Within the confines of my apartment building with neighbors above and below and on both sides- and certainly not outside, where others, just like me, join the masses in coffee shops or subway cars, each of us on our way to somewhere.
So you see, what is often misinterpreted as rudeness or hurry is simply a commute. We brush past others with focused attention, head down in the business of getting places on our feet instead of behind a wheel. It's all we can do to avert our eyes and get a moment of peace.
The trouble with me is, I can often forget to look up again.
