When Your Kid's Thing Isn't Your Thing

Let me preface today’s post by saying that I spend considerably more time writing about the things I do poorly than the things I do well as a mom. It is in those “not enough” times that I’ve come to cling to Jesus as “more than enough.” Couldn’t we camp out on that topic here on The Better Mom today?

However, today I want to share something I did really well recently! You see, last month I did some pretty spectacular parenting. OK, maybe not in all the areas, but in one area in particular… I mom-ed like a boss!

Here’s the back story: My middle son has gone from one obsession to another his whole life long. There have been some really sweet seasons that I’ve adored — like when he was crazy into Larry Boy from Veggie Tales. There wasn’t anywhere we went that he didn’t have his Larry Mobile in tow. Oh, and that precious extended season when he wore a cow costume, demanded that we refer to him as “Baby Cow”, and read the book “The Big Fat Cow Goes Ka-Pow” over and over again.

But it was around the time he started wearing Yoda ears (morning, noon, and night) that his little-boy, single-minded interest turned into an all-out obsession. It began with those Star Wars sticker books and early-reader bedtime stories, but before long he was memorizing all the Star Wars facts from all the Star Wars dictionaries. He could play Star Wars Trivia all day long, but the rest of the family wanted to do anything other than another round of the infernal game.

(Just being honest.)

Brody has always loved to deep-dive into whatever he’s been into. Whether it’s Minecraft or the Marvel multi-verse, he doesn’t just like what he likes… he lives what he likes. And he lives it with passion, 24/7. It’s what he does and what he longs to talk about and share with us… all the time. Lord of the Rings was a looooonnnng season around here. Don’t get me wrong, we 'loved the movies, But he read the book over and over again, along with every other book ever written by Tolkien about Middle Earth. Then he collected all the things, set them up on shelves, and loved to show them to me, again and again.

Needless to say, his thing is not always my thing. While I have tried to be intentional, and give my attention to him by giving my attention to his interests, the reality is that giving him five minutes of my attention each day, left 1,435 minutes each 24 hour day when he is into it (waking and sleeping) without me. Which is Ok. Mom, I’m not suggesting you deep-dive into everything you’re kids are into. However, I am suggesting that if it’s easy to enjoy your football playing kiddo’s games, and your creative child’s musical theatre and piano recitals, it’s time to consider how to engage on a deeper level with the kid who is into something that isn’t your thing.

Now back to the story of how I nailed it as a mom recently. Brody’s latest interest (obsession) is rap / hip-hop. Apparently a few weeks ago was Travis Scott’s 29th birthday. And my 15 year old loves his music.

I don’t.

While we have some rules set up around our son’s music choices, such as he can only listen to clean versions of the songs, it has been difficult for both my husband and me to enjoy this season with him. One of the things I have done that has helped tremendously is that whenever we are in the car just the two of us I ask him to “DJ”. Every time he shares a song I like (even if just moderately) I make a big deal about it and ask him to add it to our “Brody and Mom Playlist.” There are a few on our playlist by Travis Scott.

Anyway, connecting with this middle boy of mine has been tough in the last year because it’s all about his music, or the over-priced shoes and hype clothing associated with the rap culture.

(Deep breath.)

But then one morning, he announced that it was Travis Scott’s birthday and that afternoon he came down from his room and found me making a birthday cake for Travis. A birthday cake for his favorite musician! And basically... I felt months of tension over his music preferences and shoe obsession just melt away.

Y’all, I’m still involved on the music front. I’m not going hands-off. I listen and we talk about it and I pray too. But I’m also going to keep looking for ways to connect with this rap-loving boy of mine, even if his things aren’t my things. Because loving him is my thing!

Do you have a child whose thing is Minecraft, and they can talk about Minecraft until you’re blue in the face? Would you rather give a whole day to laundry and dishes than sitting for an hour and building Lego, playing Monopoly, or reading the same book again? Do you have a child who can drone on and on about sports stats, or wants to show you his dinosaur dictionary every night? Whatever their thing is, let’s remember these two things.

1) Joining them in their interest is like walking a bridge over the chasm and into their heart of hearts. They feel loved and known and valued when we listen and look and don’t walk away after five minutes.

2) Let’s remember that while their thing isn’t our thing… loving them is our thing.

Who’s with me?

Love,

Wendy

Sometimes our kids’ obsessions can be one of our Triggers! Check out TRIGGERS: Exchanging Parents’ Angry Reactions for Gentle Biblical Responses  if you struggle with exasperated and exhausted reactions when your kids want your attention.