How to Be Your Child's Cheerleader

Do your homework.

Feed the dog.

Put your dishes in the sink.

Get off your iPad.

As moms, it’s easy to bark orders at our kids, as if the point of their existence is to be trained. We’re the coaches, the teachers, the screen time police.

But what about encouragement?

If you can spend an entire day telling your child what to do but forget to remind them who they are—loved, treasured, chosen—then it’s time for a tune-up. Here are some ways we moms can be not just the coach, but also the cheerleader.

Point out something you admire. Is your child kind-hearted? Diligent? Organized? Funny? Pay close attention to your child’s positive characteristics and start commending him or her for displaying them.

“Hey, I really appreciate how you helped your brother with his Lego project. You showed creativity and teamwork.”

“I’m proud of you for getting up early to attend that extra practice for the track team—without complaining about it. You’re demonstrating perseverance and commitment. Those are really mature qualities.”

“You figured out how to swing on the playset without a push from Mom and Dad! Wow, that’s fantastic! You are strong and determined.”

Not only will this approach boost your child’s confidence, but it’ll also force you to focus more on your child’s pros than cons. And that’s just a healthy perspective for family life in general.

Listen before you talk. Sometimes kids—especially tweens and teens—just need to spill their jumbled emotions and tell you what they’re observing about the world around them. Our challenge as parents is to discern when to step in and offer advice, and when to zip it and just let the kids blow off steam. Hint: More often than we realize, “zip it” is the better choice.

I learned this the hard way one day when my middle school daughter unloaded her frustrations over an issue with her math class. I immediately went into “teachable moment” mode and rattled off all the ways she ought to handle the situation and view it as an opportunity for personal improvement.

Do you know what she heard?

Mwah, wah, wah. Like the teacher’s voice in Charlie Brown. Just a bunch of irritating noise.

I turned to look at my daughter’s face, which had lost all its earlier animation.

“What?” I paused. “Too many words?”

“Yep.” She nodded.

“You just needed me to listen, didn’t you? Not fix it.”

“Yep.”

Lesson learned.

Sometimes the best way we can encourage our kids is by providing a safe place to work out their thoughts and feelings without having to also navigate Mom’s “let me tell you how to handle this” advice. Often the best response is simple validation.

“I hear you, sweetheart. That must be really frustrating. How can I help?”

Then let your child’s response determine your next steps.

Let them try new things. And finally, encouragement is not only shown in words but also in actions and attitudes. I’m learning that when I allow my kids to pursue their interests {theirs, not mine} and take initiative in discovering more of who God created them to be—whether that’s trying a new sport or a new hairstyle or anything in between—they feel loved and supported.

On the other hand, when I squash their interests, they easily feel defeated.

Let’s give our kids permission to try new things, even if that means they might fail. Because while succeeding at everything might build a child’s confidence, what matters, even more, is having someone to cheer them on even when they don’t succeed. Someone to remind them they are able, they matter, God loves them and has a purpose for them.

The best cheerleaders keep on cheering even when the team loses. Their loyalty never fails.

When we can be THAT for our kids, we will be the kind of support system that God is for us. And there’s no better way to raise a child than that.

“But God is so rich in mercy, and he loved us so much, that even though we were dead because of our sins, he gave us life when he raised Christ from the dead. (It is only by God’s grace that you have been saved!)” (Ephesians 2:4–5)

So… why is it important to encourage our kids?

Because “kind words are like honey—sweet to the soul and healthy for the body” (Proverbs 16:24), and as moms, it’s our job to care for our kids—body and soul.

So today, enjoy a break from all the barking. Let’s cheer on our precious kids instead.

Blessings,
Becky Kopitzke

Beckykopitzke.com