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Six Strategies to Stop the Crabby Custom of Comparing

Stop the Crabby Custom of Comparing
Stop the Crabby Custom of Comparing

I am not supposed to compare myself to others... but I do it anyway.

It happens like a sneak attack on my less mentally tough turf - those areas in which I feel least confident.

For example, sometimes I feel that my life lacks purpose.

Therefore, when I begin the comparing game it is suddenly as if I am surrounded by wildly successful moms who not only have intensely influential careers out of which they impact the world, but also they have sixteen happy children all doing pinterest-worthy activities, doting husbands who love every single meal they prepare, clean and organized homes that run flawlessly, plans to adopt a couple more kids from an impoverished land, and objectives to build a hospital in the remote jungles of nowhere.

I’m exaggerating, but you get the idea: in short, it appears as if everyone else is living the {perfectly purposeful} dream... and I am not.

That’s when I get crabby.

Instead of embracing the gifts God has given me, instead of turning my attention to the plans He does have for me, instead of praying for wisdom and direction and peace...

I pout.

Can anyone relate?

Comparing makes us liars. We rarely compare apples to apples. Tricia Goyer, in her new book entitled Balanced: Finding Center as a Work-at-Home-Mom, says, “Too often we compare our weaknesses with other people’s strengths only to find ourselves coming up short.”  We compare our worst to someone else’s best which sets us up to sound like failures. Essentially, we begin lying to ourselves.

Comparing makes us selfish. We cop a “woe is me” attitude which is self-focused and unbecoming. God commands us to love Him and to love others - both which become difficult when throwing a personal pity party.

Comparing makes us ungrateful. Like small children, we obsess over what someone else has and how it compares to what we don’t have all the while forgetting to express gratitude for what we do have.

Lying, selfish, ungrateful people are CRABBY!

We need to stop. comparing.

Here are a few strategies to stop the crabby custom of comparing:

1. Renew your mind. Tempted to compare? Train your mind to confess it (I’m sorry for comparing her gifts with mine, God) and to credit Him for all He HAS given you (Thank you, God, for _______ ).

We should not copy the behavior and customs of this world, but instead we should let God transform us into new people by changing the way we think. Then will we learn what God’s will is for us (Romans 12:2 NLT).

{Note: this whole process happens in our minds!}

2. Construct a question. If there is something you admire in another person, deflect the compulsion to compare by asking a question that sparks discussion: Could you tell me about your discipline strategy? What is your method for planning meals?

3. Listen for lessons. Observe the way another mom is doing something - disciplining a child, ordering her home, caring for her parents - and learn!  God may have something to teach you through her example.

4. Implement HIS plan. Tricia Goyer says, “What truly matters is simply lifting our faces to heaven and asking, ‘Lord, what do you think?’”

So. True.

We need to practice tuning out every voice but His.

5. Be YOUR best. Carefully explore the work you have been given, and sink yourselves into it.  Instead of comparing yourself to others, take responsibility for doing the creative best you can with your own life (Galatians 6:4-5 MSG).

6. Pray the Word. Here is a free printable to help you:

Stop Comparing Free Printable
Stop Comparing Free Printable

Girlfriends, comparing ourselves to one another is conventional in our culture, but with concerted effort we can curb this crabby custom!

Compelled to stop comparing,


For more encouragement, check out From Grouchy to Great: Finding Joy in the Journey of Motherhood. It's a daily devotional with discussion questions to encourage you as a mom. Grab a journal and study through it by yourself, or gather some girlfriends and study together!

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