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Being A Mom Has Changed My Marriage

motherhood-marriageMotherhood is sweet.  The warm and gentle touch of my baby’s skin melts my heart.  The overwhelming love I have for my son motivates me to be the best mom I can possibly be.  My attention is focused on his every need and want.  I am in tune to his coos, in awe of his smiles, and proud of his development.  He is my baby. My boy just reached two months!  Although I enjoy being a mother and find it extraordinarily rewarding, it is simultaneously the hardest thing I have ever experienced.  Yet, God gives me all that I need to be able to continue caring for my child.   He empowers me to get up throughout the night, to change another diaper, to go out with spit-up on my clothes, and to sacrifice things I want on a daily basis.  There is so much worth wrapped up in my child that the hard stuff doesn’t compare!

I appreciate all that God has equipped me with for motherhood.  Among the gifts of energy I have received from Him, I have also experienced a bit of reprimand from God since I became a mother, namely in the area of marriage.  Since my husband and I had well over 5 years together before our little one came, I assumed we had our marriage down.  I felt secure in our relationship.  We took the time to get to know each other so intimately that I did not perceive any kind of issues that would arise with becoming parents.  However, just a few hours in and the dynamic of our marriage saw change.

The sleeplessness was a catalyst for attitudes we never thought we had in us.  We miscommunicated often and our frustrations rose.  At one point I had to apologize to my husband for my negative attitude towards him, which was caused by a few things.  As much as I embraced motherhood, I became a little bitter that my husband could not fulfil some of our baby’s needs like I could, such as breastfeeding.  Also, my husband went back to work shortly after we brought our baby home.  I desired to be a stay-at-home mommy and I love every moment I spend with my baby, however in those first few weeks when my body was still recovering and our newborn was needy, I was jealous that my husband got a break, even if it was driving to work.

Among bitterness and jealousy, any frustration that arose from the baby I took out on my husband.  I responded to him with quick, snappy and many times cold responses.

I began to see me and my baby as a team instead of me and my husband.  

The Lord was gracious with me and revealed to me my shortcomings.  I am still working on being a noble wife who respects her husband.  I desire to change my behavior and perspective so that our little boy grows up with a positive view of marriage.

Now that we have had more time to adjust to parenthood, we are learning how to be a family.  The dynamic of our marriage may still see change as we experience different seasons with our child, but we are forgiving with one another.  We are trusting in God as He guides us and surrounds us with love and support from family and friends.  Being parents is bringing change, a change that will refine us in many ways, a change that will deepen our love and allow us the opportunity to get to know each other all the more.

Did you experience a change in your marriage when your first child came along?

If you have any marriage tips for new moms please leave them in the comments below!

- Jennifer Smith

photo credit: unveiledwife

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