Letter to a Weary Mom

I’ve received countless emails over the years from exasperated, worn-out moms. After writing the book TRIGGERS: Exchanging Parents’ Angry Reactions for Gentle Biblical Responses, I became a safe place for those who struggle. While I usually respond privately via email, today I felt a holy nudge to share this one with all the mamas. So often we feel alone in our angst — like we’re the only one who struggles. Perhaps this woman’s question and my answer will meet you in your struggles and give you hope.

Dear Wendy,

I have three boys — 5, 3, 1. I feel like my role as a mom is to protect them from hurting each other, teach without losing my patience. and repeat myself 1000x. But by the end of each day, I feel like a punching bag, and I don’t know how to not lose it. I’m serious. Do other young moms struggle or is it just me? Perhaps I need regularly scheduled “breaks” in order to catch my breath. I’m so drained. And I feel guilty that my husband gets the leftovers of my energy.

Oh and confession: I get frustrated with my husband when he’s impatient with them during the less than two hours he spends with us after coming home from work. I feel like he doesn’t have the right to be impatient since he wasn’t here all day long.

My current measure of a successful day is not losing my temper. That feels more like a “surviving” mentality and it doesn’t seem right. 

Would you take a moment to encourage me today? 

From, 

A lonely, worn-out mama

Dear lonely, worn-out mama,

Oh my. Yes. My boys were 5,3,1 at one point. Even now they are 16,14,12 and still push hard. They push me and push one another. And I still get weary. In light of that weariness, the word that’s been on my heart for a decade now has been... perseverance.

Perhaps you’re familiar with Galatians 6:9. I like to slip in a couple of bracketed words at the beginning of the verse: “[Hey Mom] Let us not grow weary in doing good, for in due season we shall reap a harvest if we do not lose heart.” 

I’ve found over the years that I tend to lose my temper when I begin to lose [my] heart.  Which is why my heart must persevere. I must persevere, believing in God’s goodness and His good plan for our family and these children. Persevering in loving-kindness. Persevering as I abide in Christ and remain in His Word — as the slow-growing fruit of His patient and gentle character grows on the laurels of my life. Persevering in endless loads of laundry and behavior correction and meal-prep and dishes too.

Persevering in prayer. Persevering in reading aloud to them, even when they whine and complain. Persevering in training them to be kind to one another and respectful to me, even when I’m tempted to be unkind and disrespectful back.

Sweet sister, I do believe that all families are different. Not everyone has kiddos who push and push, leaving their mamas feeling pushed to the max all day every day. Some children are more compliant and less combative. And some moms are wired less sensitive and deal with stress better than others.

But this lesson remains for us all: However our children are bent and however we are bent... we must bend humbly as we persevere in loving-kindness.

Calm

Kind

Consistent

Christ-like

Day after day after day after day…

With Christ even this is possible.

If you feel that you could have written me this letter, I hope that my response gives you courage to persevere today. I’ve heard it said that motherhood is not a sprint, but a marathon. How true. Press on today, weary, worn-out mama. Press into Him and press on. 

If you struggle with angry reactionary parenting but long to respond with patience and gentleness instead, consider grabbing a copy of Triggers: Exchanging Parents’ Angry Reactions for Gentle Biblical Responses.

With love,

Wendy