The Key to Being Present For Our Kids

My oldest daughter just turned 13. A real-life teenager, living in my house. Eating my food. Using my Wi-Fi.

And this means I am now officially the mom of a teenager—a season I’ve been dreaming of and somewhat dreading since childbirth.

She is delightful.

She is her own person.

She loves me so much, yet in her eyes, I am alternately cool or NOT cool depending on her mood, who else is in the room, and whether or not I’m dancing.

This is going to be a wild ride. And I’m holding onto God’s grace and wisdom through every second.

But here’s the thing about teenhood—or toddlerhood, or any age or stage of parenting. In each season our children need us. Perhaps in new and different ways as they grow, I mean, my beautiful girl no longer needs me to cut her grapes or do her laundry (praise the Lord for that one). But she needs my emotional and physical presence on a whole new level now. And I wonder—am I giving it to her?

I look back at the last decade, and much of it is a blur. As soon as we hit the school years, time flew. I stuck my head into the process of writing books and building an online business, and my children’s elementary school stages were defined by which book release we were involved in at the moment. Now with three titles on the shelves and a teenager under my roof, I’m reflecting on what really matters most. Yes, it’s important for our children to see us doing the work God called us to do, whether that’s writing books or cooking dinner or heading to the office.

But it’s also important to lift them above the to-do list and capture these fleeting moments of childhood—to be fully alive and engaged in the scenarios and scenery of their growing up years.

I have always believed my greatest calling besides accepting Jesus has been my family life. I can minister to hundreds and thousands of women through words, but my children have only one mom. My husband has only one wife. And I want to be PRESENT for them while I have the chance.

So I’ve developed a new watchword for parenting:

Drop it and do it.

Here’s why.

A few weeks ago, my now-teenage daughter walked in the door after school, dropped her backpack, and started rummaging through the cupboard for a snack as usual. Her little sister was still at school for basketball practice, and I knew my older girl’s routine was to hole up in her bedroom downstairs to decompress from the day by watching videos or crafting. So I figured—with both my children safely occupied—I could sneak in an extra hour or so of work before dinner duty.

But then my daughter surprised me.

“Mom, do you have anything you have to do right now?”

“No, nothing I absolutely have to do.” Curiosity kept me from divulging my plan to stick my nose back in my computer. “Why do you ask?”

“Great!” Her eyes crinkled with mischief. “I challenge you to a game of Monopoly!”

Whaaaat???

Monopoly was nowhere near my mental agenda. And whatever happened to crashing in her bedroom with YouTube and slime supplies?? I thought she didn’t want to spend time with me—or anybody—during this precious first hour after school.

But then it occurred to me—oh my goodness. My daughter WANTS to spend time with me.

I know you moms of littles may not be able to process this just yet. When the kids are clawing at your knees and trailing you into the bathroom and all you want is a moment of peace ALONE, the idea of your children wanting to be with you is all too familiar and—let’s be honest—sometimes maddening.

But as they grow and gain independence, it can become very easy for a mother to enjoy the freedom SO much that we slip into the habit of separate living. The kids do their thing and Mom does her thing, and at best we all reunite at the dinner table or in the stands of a sibling’s basketball game.

But then how many hours slide by in which we aren’t connecting but could be—or should be?

Are we missing the moments in which lessons are imparted, memories are built, and we develop a foundation of friendship with our kids?

I think I had been.

So when my daughter shocked me out of my tunnel vision with a simple and unexpected request to play Monopoly, I heard the Lord say this:

Drop it and do it.

So what if you have deadlines at your desk, emails to reply to, or dishes to unload? They’ll always be there. Our children, however, will not.

They grow.

They become teenagers.

And teenagers leave home and turn into adults.

This is happening. This is my reality now. And I don’t want to miss a single memorable moment under the curse of busyness.

So now when I have an opportunity to be present with my kids, I tell myself—drop it and do it. That doesn’t mean I neglect my other responsibilities; of course, I don’t. But I do stop to assess whether those responsibilities are truly more important than my family at that moment. Can my agenda be put on hold or rearranged so that I can capture those precious and necessary hours in which my children need me to be present, to invest in our relationship, to look them in the eyes and really know them?

Often the answer is yes. And “drop it and do it” is just a reminder to allow the yes. To not let busyness reign by default.

Because I’m telling you what, moms. I didn’t realize just how much my children would still need me—and want me (more in some ways now than when they were little!)—once they hit middle school. And I want to finish their childhood journey well, with God’s grace.

So… will you consider making my watchword your watchword, too?

Drop it and do it.

As a result, I pray we will build disciples who know they are loved and surrounded as they finish one race and begin another. That’s my hope. That’s my heart. And it’s God’s heart, too.

“…let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith.” (Hebrews 12:1b–2a)

Blessings,
Becky
BeckyKopitzke.com