The Secret to Being the Mom Your Kids Need
I stood in the kitchen counting: one, two, three, four, and on until I reached twenty. “Ready or not, here I come!” I yelled. The kids and I were in our second, or maybe third, round of an intense game of hide-and-seek. At the time, they were pretty young, and experience was on my side. Our creaky wooden floors worked to my advantage, providing helpful clues for identifying where each child was attempting to hide.
I could hear one of them in the downstairs family room, not so quietly trying to hide behind our TV. The other three? I could hear them scrambling for secret places and dark spaces upstairs. I heard one in our bathroom. Another one in the hallway closet. And another child was no doubt in the girls’ bedroom.
One by one, I found them. Tyler was in the family room. Bella, the bathroom. Noah was squeezed behind a floor mop and a bucket in the hallway closet. And Sophia, our youngest? If she hadn’t moved, I would likely find her in the girls’ bedroom.
As I entered their bedroom, I could see a rather noticeable “blob” in the middle of the room. The girls’ bunkbeds flanked one wall and several dressers lined another. And right out in the open, huddled under a blanket, was Sophia—hiding—in full view! You should have seen the look of surprise on her face when I gently pulled the blanket off, exposing her secret hiding place. Apparently, she thought if she couldn’t see me, then I couldn’t see her.
The truth is, most of us are pretty good at trying to hide what is really happening in our hearts. The bad news is, our attempts to do so are about as effective as Sophia’s—obvious to everyone but us! As painful as it may be, we all need to experience the confusion and shock of having the blanket pulled off our hiding places.
That is exactly what momming does. God graciously uses momming to uncover what is going on inside our hearts to help us become better by becoming more like Christ. But first we have to come out of hiding. We need to be honest with where we are.
God shows us who we are so we can learn to depend on who he is.
You see, we were made to be in relationship with God. We were made to walk with him, trust him, and live lives that glorify him.
There have been times where the desire of my heart was for the easy path. I was looking for a more comfortable journey through momming, one we all know doesn’t exist. The emotions of anger or irritation were showing me that I was serving myself more than I was serving God and my family. At other times, all the tough work of momming slowly settled into my heart as emotions of self-pity and resentment. Didn’t anyone else see all I was doing? Once again, God graciously and gently exposed how my heart desired approval and respect from my spouse or kids instead of from God.
God isn’t just using us to shape our kids; he uses our kids to help tell us the truth about who we are and how far we have to go. And remember, even when the process feels awful, God is not doing it to defeat us but to provide us real and lasting transformation.
God gives us an invitation to walk out of hiding and admit our brokenness—not to stay there, but to grow there. Our brokenness is always an invitation into God’s grace.
God wants to give us good hearts; hearts that are being renewed by his Spirit. He wants hearts that are soft, humble, teachable, and increasingly fruitful. God longs for not just an external conformity to rules but an inner alignment of our hearts with his will. It’s a heart that says, “Lord, here am I. Do what you want in me and through me. These kids are yours. I am yours. Don’t just change my kids, change all of me.” It's the secret to being the mom your kids need and the heart of the message of The Better Mom.
TODAY the book that sums up the words that have been on my heart since this community began over seven years ago, releases to the world!!!
At the heart of The Better Mom is the message that Jesus calls us to live not a weary life, but a worthy life. It is my sincere hope and prayer that God uses this book to encourage moms everywhere with the good news that there is more to being a mom than the extremes of striving for perfection or simply embracing the mess. Just as God is using us to shape our children, God is using our children and motherhood, to shape us. It’s okay to come as we are, but what we’re called to be is far too important to stay there! The way to becoming a better mom starts not with what we are doing, but with who God is inviting us to become.
Grab your copy of The Better Mom book at any of the retailers below:
available everywhere books are sold April 24th, 2018
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