A Hope-Filled Challenge For The Mom Who Yells

If you’re a mom who yells, there is hope! You don’t have continue to give in to the pent up anger that fills you right before you respond. Here are some tools to help you respond without yelling.

“Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear.”  (Ephesians 4:29)

I used to be a yelling angry mom. I hate to admit that, and if you relate, I bet it breaks your heart too. For a long time, I misunderstood the challenges of parenting. I had an idea that it would be so much easier. But the truth is, children will behave childishly and it’s up to us to pave the way toward maturity. We don’t need to take their childishness as a personal attack.

When we grasp that truth, it calms our hearts and allows us to become more reasonable, more rational, in the heat of the triggered moment. Instead of indignation and a desire to raise our voices, we can think more objectively and give ourselves time to respond with a gentle, godly response and voice that is infused with empathy and patience.

A Change of Perspective

If we are going to be the kind of parents we long to be, we will need to shift our perspective. Our role as parents will be one we will most likely fulfill till the day God calls us home to Heaven.

Luke 9:23 says,

“And he said to all, ‘If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me.’” 

If my daily cross involves children, there is no day off from denying myself when it comes to becoming more like Jesus in the midst of my challenges with them. No skipping days from cross-bearing. There are no weekends in the spiritual realm. We might have had plans for a fun and happy Friday night, but God may have plans to refine us through the squabbles of our kids.

Each day, we must yield our expectations to the Lord. Instead of a leisure day, we may wake up to a training day. In order to be up for the challenge, we need to remind ourselves that our child’s struggles are not always about us. I have to fill my heart with the Truth and encouragement of God’s Word so that when I’m rattled, I respond with words that breathe life, not anger and yelling.

When You’re a Mom Who Yells

In my book TRIGGERS: Exchanging Parents’ Angry Reactions for Gentle Biblical Responses, co-authored with Wendy Speake, I write that I don’t respond well when I am being yelled at. How can we expect our kids to respond well when we yell at them? Let’s develop empathy for our child’s need for spiritual and behavioral growth, instead of frustration which leads to hasty words we often regret.

Is this a pattern you have not yet embraced? Do you yell at your kids? Say things you regret? Today, let’s confess it and then begin to turn from it. 

It’s not enough to just say, “stop yelling”. We need to REPLACE the yelling with something NEW. For today, we will begin speaking life where we have since been stealing joy and peace.

This verse in Ephesians was one of the verses I put on my phone as a reminder of the new habit of speaking words of life and affirmation that I was asking the Holy Spirit to help me with when I first began my journey to becoming a gentle mom. This doesn’t mean we ignore our child’s behavior. 

It just means that when we correct them, we are going to first stop for a moment,  breathe, and become calm before speaking. We can address them when we can be sure that the correction we give or the words we say will not be “corrupt” (like screaming), but instead will be for our child’s good.

Let me offer you this daily CHALLENGE:

Only speak what will build up your child and give grace to those who hear. This is a good and godly filter for our words. As we journey away from yelling, let’s embrace God’s grace for us, as moms. We are a work in progress, not striving for perfection, but willing to yield to the perfecting of Jesus in our parenting, day by day.

For more practical help, please access the free 7 Day No More Yelling Moms Devotional