How to take care of yourself and stop the cycle of people-pleasing

Feeling overwhelmed, burned out, and pulled in too many directions by the needs of others? Here's how you can take care of yourself and stop the cycle of people-pleasing today! In this post, you will learn the importance of living a life that doesn’t overcrowd your schedule or sap your soul by running around trying to be everything to everyone.

I grabbed the antique sewing basket that had belonged to my Grandma Elsie when she was alive. I swung by the fridge to grab a pineapple kombucha and then sauntered out to sit in a patch of sunshine on the bench at the edge of our front brick walkway. The rushing of the waterfall over the rocks in our small pond nearby was soft and soothing. I settled in for a half hour of doing something that once had been nonexistent in my schedule, but that was now built in daily. What was this new activity?

Doing whatever I wanted to!

This day, it was making some progress on a new embroidery project I bought—a cute bamboo hoop that sported three succulent plants splashed across the cream-colored muslin fabric. My mom had taught me to embroider when I was in elementary school. However, I hadn’t picked up a project since college, even though I thoroughly enjoyed doing it. I just never seemed to be able to find—I mean, make—the time.

Some days I spent my half hour reading a book I actually wanted to read, not just one I needed to peruse for work. Other days I took my iPad out to the back deck and searched for new recipes or decorating ideas on Pinterest. Sometimes I grabbed a comfy throw blanket, set a timer for thirty minutes, and then cuddled up on the couch in front of our fireplace and drifted off for a delightful catnap. Divine!

Taking a Break from Burnout and Finding Room to Breathe

Now, a half hour carved out of a day to do something I wanted might not seem a big deal. But for me, it was a monumental shift. Before God began helping me to break free rom the prison of people pleasing, let alone make any real time for myself. Because I was putting out everyone else’s fires, saying yes to helping with everyone else’s tasks, and offering my assistance whenever I caught wind of a need, I was crowding out any time I could devote to savoring a little bit of leisure.

Do you know what percent of a day a half hour is? Barely 2 percent! To be precise, it is exactly 0.02083 percent of your twenty-four hours. That’s it! But somehow, this 2-percent breather allows me to punch the reset button on my brain and tackle the rest of my day with enthusiasm.

How to Make Caring for Yourself a Daily Practice

I would never have begun to make this daily practice happen if I hadn’t learned the importance of living a priority-infused life—one that positions me best for work and ministry; one that doesn’t overcrowd my schedule or sap my soul by running around trying to be everything to everyone.

Serving our Priority People

All of us have people. Each of us has a punch list. We must recognize what an immense privilege both of these are. We have souls in our lives; souls we can love on and learn from; souls we can serve and also be comforted by. And we also have work. For me today, it might be weeding my herb garden, baking a banana cake, or answering a ministry email. I’m so grateful to have both meaningful work and also people who mean the world to me.

However, I’ve also realized that I have a responsibility when it comes to these people and these tasks. I can’t just allow my day to be filled by whoever is wanting to direct my time. When I make it my aspiration to get my marching orders from the Lord, I can then move forward in confidence, setting my schedule while also interacting with those he has placed in my life.

Cultivating a Christ-Led Life

It’s certainly not a practice that can be cultivated overnight. It takes trial and error. It also most certainly takes guts. Not everyone is going to be jazzed about your new practice of trying to please God while setting your own schedule and determining to whom you will give your time.

A wise mentor once said to me that the more deliberate you want to be with your time, and the greater your desire to please God with your schedule, the more people you must be willing to disappoint. Oh sisters, was she spot-on! I know I’ve disappointed others; others who were so accustomed to me helping them live life, caring little that it was at the expense of me living my own! I’ve let others down who’d grown to expect me to persistently lighten their load so they could have some free time. And in the most extreme cases, I stopped letting the bullies push me around and intimidate me into setting my schedule according to their wishes. And the bullies didn’t like it one iota. But one thing I know for certain is this . . .

It was, without question, one of the healthiest decisions I’ve ever made.

Encouragement to Break Free From People Pleasing

Take the time to do the hard work. Get honest before the Lord and allow him to help you clear your schedule. Wipe it sparkling clean. Then place back on it only the tasks and people he is calling you to.

We needn’t to feel guilty. Jesus didn’t spend every waking minute constantly catering to others. He didn’t stop to talk with every single soul he met. He had a clear focus, knowing his mission and his ministry; taking care to interact with the people—however many or how few—were on God’s agenda for him that day. May we seek to do the same; not worrying so much about disappointing others, but caring more that our thoughts, desires, and actions are pleasing to God.

Your people. Your punch list. The juggle is real. Thankfully, so is the help you will get from the Lord. He will empower you to manage the tension between both and then navigate your days with confidence.

 Blessings,

Karen Ehman

Feeling overwhelmed, burned out, and pulled in too many directions by the needs of others? Grab a boatload of helpful freebies when you preorder Karen’s new book, When Making Others Happy Is Making You Miserable: How to Break the Pattern of People Pleasing and Confidently Live Your Life. These resources include priority-setting worksheets, lock screens, graphics, some Scripture memory verses and chapter one of the book as a digital download. Click here for more information.

 Karen Ehman is a New York Times bestselling author of 17 books including the upcoming When Making Others Happy is Making You Miserable: How to Break the Pattern of People Pleasing and Confidently Live Your Life. Her passion is to help women reflect the gospel to a watching world. She has been featured on media outlets such as TODAY Parenting, Redbook.com, Foxnews.com, Crosswalk.com and Woman’s World Magazine. Married to her college sweetheart and the mother of three, she enjoys feeding family, friends, and strangers who gather around her mid-century dining table.