3 Reasons Why Your Child Needs to See Your Anger {And Truths They can Learn from It}

3 Reasons Why Your Child Needs to See Your Anger

We work so hard NOT to be angry as moms, but there is a time we need to show our anger: to benefit our kids.

Reasons why your child needs to see your anger:

  • My child needs to know that some things are unacceptable, such as lying, stealing, or unkind words.
  • My child needs to know he/she will be defended. My husband often says, “Do not hit my little girl like that,” or “Do not push my little boy.”
  • My child needs to see we care about injustice in the world. It’s OK to get angry about child abuse or deception and let our kids see it.

If you get angry:

  • Make sure it’s justified. Do you have a good reason?
  • Make sure it’s controlled. Using a firm voice with your child is OK. Yelling or using physical outbursts is not.
  • Let your child know that Jesus got angry too. He was angry with those who believed they were too good to need him. He was angry at those who used God’s house to make money and cheat others.
  • Brainstorm IF there is something you can do about injustice. Can you raise money for an organization who is fighting against an unjust cause?

After you get angry, turn to prayer.

  • Pray with the child who committed the offense, seeking God’s forgiveness.
  • Pray with the child who was offended.
  • Pray about injustice.
  • Pray for compassion.
  • Pray that God will give you His heart for the hurting.
  • Pray for those who are walking in sin and hurting others.

What your child will learn:

  • That everyone makes mistakes.
  • That God is willing to forgive.
  • That there are many people who need our prayers.
  • That we can learn from our mistakes and the mistakes of others.
  • That we can be angry and maintain control. As Proverbs 29:11 says, “A fool gives full vent to his anger, but a wise man keeps himself under control.” (NIV)

Final things to be emphasized:

  • Anger is a temptation.
  • What we do after getting angry can lead to a sin . . . or it can lead to a positive change.
  • God doesn’t want us to vent our anger.
  • We need to make sure that what we’re getting mad about is justified.
  • Pray and ask God what He wants you to do with your feelings.

What do you think? How has getting angry benefited your kids?

Blessings,

Tricia Goyer, TriciaGoyer.com

This post is part of the month-long challenge From Grouchy…To Great.  Please check the series page for all of the posts! 

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  • Elissa Philgence

    Hi Tricia

    Yes, thank you for remaining us that getting angry is not the problems, is’t how we use our angry that will lead to a cure or a blessing for our children.

    I would have to say my children benefit from me reading about Christ’s life and how and when He got angry. They would ask me question about why He is so angry and I would say God and Jesus love sinners but they hate the sin in them. So when I get angry at you pushing each other I don’t hate you I hate what you are doing to each other. I pray daily that I am doing the right thing.

    Our children need to see that we have different levels of emotional and how to us them correctly. Let us all be angry and sin not.

    • Tricia Goyer

      I remember in Sunday School as a child believing that Jesus had sinned because he’d gotten angry. Being angry didn’t mean he sinner. What mattered was what he did with it–and what we do with our anger. Great point, Elissa!

  • http://joyfulmothering.net/ Christin

    Yes, very good. :)

    • Tricia Goyer

      Hugs, Christin!

  • Mandy Kelly

    Thank you for these beautiful reminders in how to be angry – and share with our kids our emotion of anger- without being in sin! I appreciate that! I think this will help me balance better!

    • Tricia Goyer

      You’re welcome, Mandy!

  • GailBP

    Good stuff here, Tricia. I was caught by the title on Pinterest and glad I took the time to read your post. I think many parents put limitations on their parenting that are unnatural and this is one. It isn’t always sinful to get angry with your child or with others. It’s very often the God thing to do. Anger can definitely be abused like almost everything else, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t sometimes the best reaction.

    • Tricia Goyer

      Thank you, Gail!!

  • Stefanie

    Thank you, I really appreciated this. I agree that it is okay for our kids to see us get angry once in a while, as long as it’s justified. I mean, that example of Jesus is so relevant. He was flipping over tables and I imagine if we saw that, today, we might think he was “out of control.” While I haven’t flipped over any tables at home, I will sometimes tell my kids I am having to use my “loud” voice because they aren’t listening to my soft one! God clearly got angry with the His children, the Israelites, and let them see His anger, but it was a righteous anger and he was always slow to get angry. Thank you for your wisdom in sharing how it can be expressed and what to do afterwards.

    • Tricia Goyer

      You’re welcome, Stefanie! Yes, God did use his “mean voice” sometimes. I love that analogy!!!

  • Darci Stout

    Thank you so much for this post! :) My son is only 4 months old but I know he, and all our other children we will have, will someday be just how children are and we will get angry. I now know that I can deal with it in a positive way! I love this! And all your articles I have read so far! Thank you!

    • Tricia Goyer

      Oh, thank you, Darci!! I love how you are “reading up!” I know God is going to do great things in your life as you seek Him in your parenting!

      • Darci Stout

        Thank you! You are a wonderful person! :) I love getting replies!

  • Jody and Jenni

    My kids benefit from my anger when I’m able to model a godly response to anger. Anger can be a red flag telling me that something needs to be addressed. When I show my kids what it looks like to be angry and not sin, they benefit. When I can recognize the red flag and use that anger to find a new tool or help them put a new system in place, they benefit. And so do I! Thanks for this post! –Jenni

    • Tricia Goyer

      Jenni, that is such a good point!! Thank you for this reminder. Our anger IS a red flag that something needs to be addressed. I appreciate this!

  • Jenna

    Thank you for this reminder….I struggle with sinning in my anger. Your article reminds me to check myself, pray with my boys, and allow God to control my emotions, not let them control me!

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