A Not So Perfect Child & Better Mom Mondays Link-up!

It took me a long time to get pregnant with our first child. It was 4 years before “we” got pregnant. I remember how shocked I was to find out that we were having a baby. It was a long and not-so-pretty pregnancy with a long and not-so-pretty labor and c-section to finally have that baby boy. He was precious. We celebrated our fifth anniversary just a few weeks after he was born.

Adam was a particularly difficult baby. I remember days when he would scream off and on all day and I would just stick him in his crib and close the door for a little bit. I couldn’t bear it. I couldn’t seem to console him about whatever that constant back and forth screaming was. He began showing peculiar things about him – he would line up cars and then move them again wherever I went but never really played with the cars. He would turn trucks over and watch the wheels spin, but never play with the trucks. He would scream and throw an absolute tantrum if he saw a ceiling fan moving without the light on. How odd, but we just thought “that’s Adam”. He didn’t talk for along time, never pointed at items…the list goes on. Once he started talking, he would suddenly lose words – how do you lose words?

In the end, we found out he had autism – at 2 years and 10 months old he was officially diagnosed. We could hardly believe it. But God was so gracious – he gave us the grace and we never had this “grieving” we heard so many people talk about when they have a special needs child. He showed us that Adam was still the same child he was before, we just needed to begin working harder at what we had started. God showed us we needed to be content with this son He gave us. We were the chosen parents to raise this boy.

I had to be content to look at my friends’ children and think “if Adam could only talk like that” or “you have four boys and none of them have autism — do you know how your odds are stacked up against you?” and “if he could respond to people the way my friends’ kids could….” Well, it’s easy to compare when your child is behind. Far behind. There were days that I thought we’d never know what it was like to have a typical child.

Do you know that I would never desire that now? Wow, has Adam shown us so much — taught us so much patience. He is not like other kids – and I’m so thankful. He has grown into an amazing teenager. He’s kind and compassionate, responsible and intelligent. He has never once asked us if there was anything wrong with him or if he was different – he doesn’t even realize that he has autism, not because we aren’t willing to tell him but because we have talked with him about how God has given each of us strengths and weaknesses. When he asks, we’ll tell him more and he’ll have an amazing testimony. But, for now he understands that certain things are a little harder for him, but other things are easier! Who’s child IS perfect? Why must we have this yearning to have a typical child? We must be content with the children God gave us, raise them as He has told us to, and love them unconditionally. I would never change the child God gave us. God has taught us to be content in this…and through this is teaching us contentment in many other areas of our lives.

Blessings,

Becky, Organizing Made Fun

This post is part of this month’s series:
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Comments

  1. says

    I can SO relate to this post! AS much as I have desired to change my child into a more acceptable mold at times, I have come to understand that her “differentness” has been a blessing to me. It has stretched me and changed me for the better.

    Thank you for sharing and for hosting the link up.

  2. Richella says

    Thank God our children are ALL different! But some differences are harder to deal with than others. I think sometimes we struggle most with those things that make our children not fit into “normal” society very well–but when we look deeply, we often find that there are inestimable blessings just exactly in those places. Bless you, Becky, and thank you for sharing hope and wisdom!

  3. says

    Your message goes right to the heart and to some extent our pride as well, Becky. I think the majority of us have a great deal of difficulty viewing another family’s children through our own rose-colored glasses and making comparisons: why can’t my child behave in public, do better in school, etc? It brings to mind that old saying: Comparison is the thief of joy. Thanks for the reminder, and for sharing your sweet story.

  4. Kathryn says

    Becky,

    Thank you so much for posting this. You are not going to believe this, but my son (also named Adam) is two and was recently diagnosed with Autism and Sensory Processing Disorder. We have gone through so many of the things you listed above, but this post was such an encouragement to me. Thank you for sharing your story and being a blessing!
    -Kathryn @ singingthroughtherain.net

    • says

      Kathryn – May you know you are certainly not alone! Find other Christian moms in your church or area to meet with monthly {or on a regular basis} and you will be even more encouraged. Becky

  5. Jill Robson says

    Becky
    Thankyou for sharing your story, my best friend has a son with Aspergers, and my own son has ADD/OCD and anxiety. Every child is different and perfect in their own unique way, and i really feel we should embrace what we have been given instead of trying to conform to what society thinks is NORMAL.

  6. says

    It was 7 yrs before we became expecting with our first (a daughter) and was rushed to have our second due to those same complications (our oldest son). I knew in my heart that he was different before he was even a year old. He was officially diagnosed with autism at age 8. None of us are perfect, even if we are born “physically” perfect, God sees our imperfections. Yes, the Lord has taught me so much through our son and I am so very grateful for every minute of it.

  7. Kristin says

    love it!!! our daughter has adhd and that has its own challenges – but, like you, we have chosen to focus on her strengths and the gifts God has given her…..she is full of enthusiasm and love and teaches us about grace all the time……thank you for sharing your story and your son’s gift

  8. christa reinhart says

    Just found you blog from over at Organizing Made Fun, and linked up to the link party. Thanks so much for the great post today! We also have a son with autism and I feel peace knowing God has chosen us as his parents, and him as our son. It is a challenge and a blessing, but I wouldn’t want life any other way.

  9. says

    Becky, this is such a beautiful message. Since I have met Adam in real life and spent a little bit of time with him, I can say that he is a delightful, generous boy and I enjoyed him so much. It is obvious that your attitude has affected his beautifully. I am so glad you shared this! Lisa~

    • says

      Thank you, Lisa! He is a delight to his dad and I! I’m thankful for his sweet heart! I am thankful that we aren’t going through some of the “typical” teenage boy stuff as others are! Becky

  10. Valerie says

    Becky, thank you for a beautiful, beautiful post. Your love and dedication to Adam just shine through your words, and I know he must be such a blessing. He is blessed to have wonderful parents. I am so, so inspired when I read about mothers like you who choose to let God mold them through a child who requires more. And don’t they pay you back with more as well?! This post just made my day.

    My Adam is six and is getting baptized on Sunday. He has a few issues that the Lord has used to teach me patience and so much more. It’s humbling.

    Thank you again for sharing this. I will remember it.

  11. This Housewife's Diary says

    Becky, I love your account on having a child with autism. I have 3 (2 steps and one bio) with autism spectrum disorders, and can absolutely relate. None of them are perfect, but they are how God made them.

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