Despite what I’ve been through I’m not broken beyond repair. I grip to the hand of Jesus as I continue to dance with Him.
As a young child in my bed at night I dreaded to hear the gravel crunching under the wheels of my father’s car. At 3 a.m. he was storming back into our lives from a night out at the bar–full of Coors Light–with the expectation that a hot meal was awaiting him. Pans bashed as mom’s voice quivered weak through his screams for a hamburger patty.
I talked hard to Jesus on those nights.
Some have said that I’m broken. As I journey within this adult-life-maze the labels have come at me.
People want to write on my forehead with a bold black sharpie marker:
Dad killed himself when I was home alone with him. I was thirteen. I found him dead. The sad thing is as many suicidal people do, he told me several times that he was thinking of killing himself. As a kid, what do you do with that?
That January weekend I was sick with chicken pox. I scratched the red-tear-drop-tipped-spots open for two days. Deep itching, hatching care from my father. Our last weekend together he waited on me, brought my hamburger patties on a little tray with my antibiotic and Diet Pepsi. Monday morning I heard his gun shots. He was gone.
I wondered why I wasn’t worth sticking around for.
We all have our stories. The hard stories that we feel are only our own. We need to share them when we feel a release from the Lord that He needs our stories as an offering. I share your story and you take mine upon yourself. Do you feel that? It’s a raw twinge of knowing that no matter an alcoholic, suicidal parent, divorce, foreclosure, abandonment, despair—we press through the wreckage. It reminds us all that we’re alive.
My testimony is that I’m still here. I love Jesus and He is my daddy.
All of our pieces will be used for God’s glory. I live this. He can take the remnants, shards, and spurs to glorify His Name. Share your broken story with someone today,or share it here on this site. We must let the world know that the Almighty God is the Lord who restores our ashes into His beauty. We’re connected and our varied stories remind us that we are not broken.
I would love for you to share your story with us today. Share it below in the comments and we will join together and pray for one another.
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