Share Your Broken Story

Despite what I’ve been through I’m not broken beyond repair. I grip to the hand of Jesus as I continue to dance with Him.

photo credit

As a young child in my bed at night I dreaded to hear the gravel crunching under the wheels of my father’s car. At 3 a.m. he was storming back into our lives from a night out at the bar–full of Coors Light–with the expectation that a hot meal was awaiting him. Pans bashed as mom’s voice quivered weak through his screams for a hamburger patty.

I talked hard to Jesus on those nights.

Some have said that I’m broken. As I journey within this adult-life-maze the labels have come at me.

 People want to write on my forehead with a bold black sharpie marker:

broken,

abandoned,

abused,

neglected,

learning disabled,

tragic,

devastated.

Dad killed himself when I was home alone with him. I was thirteen. I found him dead. The sad thing is as many suicidal people do, he told me several times that he was thinking of killing himself. As a kid, what do you do with that?

That January weekend I was sick with chicken pox. I scratched the red-tear-drop-tipped-spots open for two days. Deep itching, hatching care from my father. Our last weekend together he waited on me, brought my hamburger patties on a little tray with my antibiotic and Diet Pepsi. Monday morning I heard his gun shots. He was gone.

I wondered why I wasn’t worth sticking around for.

We all have our stories. The hard stories that we feel are only our own. We need to share them when we feel a release from the Lord that He needs our stories as an offering. I share your story and you take mine upon yourself. Do you feel that? It’s a raw twinge of knowing that no matter an alcoholic, suicidal parent, divorce, foreclosure, abandonment, despair—we press through the wreckage. It reminds us all that we’re alive.

 My testimony is that I’m still here. I love Jesus and He is my daddy.

 All of our pieces will be used for God’s glory. I live this. He can take the remnants, shards, and spurs to glorify His Name. Share your broken story with someone today,or share it here on this site. We must let the world know that the Almighty God is the Lord who restores our ashes into His beauty. We’re connected and our varied stories remind us that we are not broken.

I would love for you to share your story with us today.  Share it below in the comments and we will join together and pray for one another.

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Comments

  1. Marie says

    Thank you for your honesty; and praise Jesus that you know His love. Last week, we got the news that a family friend had committed suicide. His wife found him, and they have a 10 year old boy and 4 year old girl. Do you have any advice as to how to best support them in their grieving process? They are not believers and I can’t imagine facing what they are without the Lord. I feel such a burden or prayer for them, that God would show them all their true value and they would come to know His love and forgiveness.

    • says

      Yes, I would just keep lifting them up in prayer every time you feel that burden. That burden is the Holy Spirit interceding for them and their situation. The Lord can work so much through your prayers for them in their situation. I would pray for the Lord to show Himself strong to them in this time. Besides that, just be there for them. Being there, as they are feeling confused and broken, is huge. And be there even after they go through this process. That part was weird for me as a child. Family & friends where available for about a month after my dad killed himself. Then they all disappeared again. Being a forever friend will go along way. Blessing to you, friend!

  2. says

    My story is one full of brokenness. Not once. Not twice, but THREE of the most important men in my life. First, abandonment from the man that was supposed to be my daddy. Followed by the betrayal of two husbands. I know pain in the worst of ways. BUT I also know God in the deepest of ways. Words can never describe the way HE has filled me. He has blessed me beyond what I could think or imagine. And now, I have the privilege of writing a blog to help women that find themselves picking up these broken pieces. What a joy and pleasure it is to serve this God who has loved me when no one else bothered. Thanks for sharing your story, Jamerrill.

  3. Healed and Free says

    My broken story… I lived a charmed life as a child. I married my high school sweetheart who is a gem of a man. Doesn’t sound so broken. But 5 years into my (now 19) year marriage, I bought into a pack of lies from the Enemy that I deserved more… and I began looking somewhere other than my husband to find it. He was took busy with work, anyway.

    Struggling with infertility, working part-time, and alone the rest of the time, I turned my back on my parents and other family and friends who tried to reach out to me. I don’t believe anyone knew- even now- what was going on in my life. I found “friends” on the interenet, which was still very new at the time.

    In time, I made connections with men- first by computer, then phone and ultimately in person- and by my own choosing, broke the vows of my marriage. I tried in every way to justify my behavior and it just never worked. In the grip of a deep blackness in my heart, I cried out to God, and thought, “Surely He doesn’t want to hear from me. Not until I am over this period in my life.” So even though I cried out for help, I shut my eyes and turned away from Him again.

    I ran hot and cold for 5 years. I think for a time there I was addicted to sex. Still, I justified it that I had never “played the field” before marriage, so this was my outlet. Eventually, I decided it was time to leave my husband, because I could bear it no longer. I hated that his work was more important than me. But in my heart, I knew he was such an amazingly good man and I knew somehow, that we’d gotten our priorities terribly mixed up.

    So I gave us 6 months. I decided one day that, if in 6 months I don’t feel like we’re “in love” anymore, then I would just leave. I don’t remember the day, and I don’t know when 6 months was up. I decided to “fake it” and be nice when I didn’t feel like it. I decided to throw myself into this marriage and this man. I decided to stop being in contact with the others. Sometimes I was able to, but in my mind, at least one of them was a friend. So sometimes I failed.

    And then came the day my husband told me he’d been called by God to be in the ministry. GULP. That was when I knew the Holy Spirit would have to change me. I did as much as I could, “on my own.” But to come back from this blackness which had overtaken my heart, I needed to surrender myself to Him.

    One September day in 2004, I knew it was completely over. I cried daily for weeks, horrified at the things I’d done, and at the person I’d let myself become. I threw myself into church-work again and regained some of the “lost” relationships. In time, The Lord has healed me.

    I still feel very sorry for all that has happened. And for the past week, I have listened to the lies of the enemy about feeling guilty and ashamed. I think about telling my husband everything (he knows some, not every bit) but on a Saturday night, when he has to preach in the morning? Not fair. At the time when everything happened, he said he NEVER wanted to know particulars.

    And yet… some time ago, he said we should tell our story of brokenness in order to help others who’ve kept secrets inside for so long. Of course, we’d need to talk about EVERYTHING before that happened.

    So I continue to pray for the time that we’re able to discuss this fully. I am somewhat afraid of what he might have done in those years, but I know the Lord has healed me… healed my LIFE from the deepest, darkest pit I have ever known. I will never go back to that way of living. The Lord is my rock, and I shall not be moved from Him.

    Thank you for asking for stories. I know you probably meant ones about things that have happened through no fault of your own, and not ones where I went out looking for trouble. But anway, here it is. It’s on my heart that I may not be the only one struggling.

    Thanks.

    • says

      Healed and Free,

      I believe God can use your story, especially. Boy, we all make messes in life. Yours may seem hard core, but we have all sinned. I would just pray for the Lord to soften your husbands heart and give you HIS TIMING to tell it all. God can use your broken pieces to help many!

    • annon says

      my story is very similar to yours – so glad that i’m not there anymore! and that i have an amazing husband who loves me. God is sooo good and his mercies never end!

    • Anon says

      I was just about to exit the page because I thought “I bet all these stories are of bad things happening TO people, and not any mistakes they have made on their own” and then I read yours. I went through the same exact thing in the same exact way, and it was a nightmare. God has been healing me ever since my husband and I had our first son. I’m so ashamed and it hurts so bad to look back into my past. Thank you for being brave enough to post this.

    • blessed and forgiven says

      Thank you for sharing. I share a similar story. I want to encourage you, or maybe it is others, that the truth – God’s truth – shall set you free. :) May God richly bless you both in your ministry to each other. GOD is our refuge and strength.

  4. Melissa says

    Wow, what powerful and moving testimonies from everyone! I wish I had the courage to TYPE my brokeness on this blog, but I dont. I just thank our loving, powerful and healing Lord for all of you and your courage and your faith.

  5. says

    I was born last of six. I grew up in a broken home. My father abandoned my mother and my siblings, after my mother was severely disabled. We needed his love, care, leadership, and support and so without it we suffered. I did not know God. I was lost and searching for HIM though I didn’t know it at the time. My siblings became adults and went on to live their lives. I was still a young child and my mom and I were homeless and impoverished and in and out of shelters. At about 14 I was on my own, a young girl, in a city, lost internally as well as externally. I was taken advantage of, misled, misused, and abused. An ungodly person found me and tried his best to ruin me, to sear my conscience. Eventually I escaped, a desperate effort I only attempted after realizing an innocent life was growing within me. I kept my child and worked through all of the ugly, confusing, wrong thoughts, beliefs, and lies I had believed about the world. Working through that I earnestly sought the light at the end of the dark tunnel I was in, God. Today though I am a happy Mother, a Writer, a Christian, because of Christ. God lead me through all of that. I survived and grew as a woman.

    Growing Mama

  6. Momtooliviaclark says

    I lost my mom to Lou Gehrig’s disease March 4, 2012. I never thought she would die so young. she was 67 years old. Through the finding out of her diagnosis, to watching my mom wither away from the disease, I could here the Lord ask me, “do you trust me?” I admit this one was a hard one to swallow. “Lord, but it’s my mom!” Everyday, I have a choice…do I trust HIM or do I waller in self pity and depression. Yes, He turns beauty from ashes! I choose to trust!

  7. Karen says

    I am a mom of 2 young boys — boys who test me over and over. And I feel that I fail, over and over. I have suffered from depression for many years, but only recently began thinking of suicide as a way out. Believe me, it is not your fault! It’s not my kids’ fault! Or my wonderful husband’s fault. Depression can be so powerful, so overwhelming, so desperate, and so very, very exhausting. You get into this place where you can’t see the light, so you wallow in your tears and hold onto your sadness like a security blanket, and walk further and further into the darkness, thinking somehow it must end — that maybe in dying, the pain will stop. I am, however, NOT.GIVING.UP!! I CAN see God’s light. It has been said that it’s through the broken places that the light gets in. I believe that. With God, all things are possible.

  8. Shannon Wallace says

    Jamerrill, first and foremost, thank you for opening yourself up to all of us. I read your story on my phone as we were driving to church this morning (don’t worry,h ubby was driving!), and I was absolutely stunned and saddened for what you have gone through. When I read your story, I suddenly felt like my troubles were not so bad. And thank you to all of the other ladies who have shared so honestly. It takes a lot of courage and strength (and that is provided so graciously from the Lord) to share!

    Overall, I have had a blessed life! There have been many bumps, scrapes, obstacles, etc. along the way. But nothing that would shake me to my core until June 5, 2010. On that evening, my oldest son, Ethan who was 7, drowned in a pool at an aquaintance’s house. You have to understand that my husband and I are very protective parents. We were the parents that people would think this would NEVER happen to–but it did. In fact, when I called one of my best friends to tell her Ethan had passed, she didn’t believe me.

    As you can imagine, losing Ethan had changed not only me, but my husband and my son. It’s only by the love and grace of Christ that we have not only survived, but thrived. There are many days I feel like a broken mess, but I know there is hope! I know that God uses everything for His glory. We can choose to let our circumstances get us down and defeated, or use them for His glory. Don’t get me wrong, many days I feel defeated because I am human and my flesh takes over. But there are days that I can truly see God’s glory in our sadness, and I am reminded that my son is in a better place. :) I will miss him every single day of this life until I meet my Saviour. But I know I can do hard things! And so can all of you ladies!

    Believing Philippians 4:13,
    Shannon

  9. Rebecca says

    OH, sweet friend, I am so sorry you went through that…words can’t express that truly…and you were and are worth the ultimate sacrifice!!! I love you dearly…and more now….love getting to know you as you remove more of the veil!

  10. Solitude says

    I am so thankful a friend shared this tonight. I am living a life full of solitude. I know it is not really as bad as so many others have. In a job I don’t like. A marriage that is on the brink of divorce. I feel I have no one to talk with. My life is all a big fat lie. We aren’t the perfect family! Some days I want to just leave but cannot do that to my children who are 6 and 3. Cooking, cleaning, laundry. With no appreciation. But I am still expected to fulfill my wifely duties! I just want to scream, ‘I am done!’ The only thing I cling to is my Lord and Savior. I know I must lean on Him. Pray for His strength and courage and love. I finally realized today this is some sort of test to break away from the devil and all of his sinful thoughts I have had. I must dig into the word and trust in Him. ‘Though I walk through the valley of death, I will fear no evil.’ Thank you for this opportunity to share and I will be bookmarking your page to look fo r more encouragement.

  11. Broken and Beautiful says

    A special thank you to all of the brave people who have shared their broken stories. It is so encouraging to see how God has taken the broken pieces and made a beautiful life from them. This has been very close to my heart recently because of rejection due to my brokenness. Over and over throughout scripture, God used people who were broken, hurting, and imperfect to fulfill His perfect will. As someone else said, I don’t think I could type out my broken story right now, because the wounds are so very fresh. I would ask that you pray for me and my family as we face this trial, and through God’s grace, become stronger, and better in spite the pain.

    • Mariazhope says

      Praying for you Broken and Beautiful, may you know just how Much the Father in heaven loves you and just how Beautiful you are…Praying for strength, courage, and wisdom! GOD grant you the Serenity to accept the things you cannot change, Courage to change the things you can, and the Wisdom to know the difference…
      Blessings and Peace be with you!

  12. Pixijb says

    I didn’t realize how abnormal my upbringing was until I was in high school. My parents often had parties the drugs and alcohol ran freely. Men would come into my room at night. I was left with sitters who also abused me while my mother went to get high. The hardest part is my mother’s denial that she would have never let those men in my room. When I was 10 my mother was diagnosed with breast cancer and my sister with lupus. Due to all the medical bills we lost our home. We had to board a train with only what we could carry to live with relatives who lived 2000 miles away. I was angry we left, my neighbor would take me to church, it was where I felt loved. I eventually found a youth group to attend and spent many days walking in the woods near our home in prayer for the illness and fighting to go away. I began to suffer from depression. My parents were using less drugs and my mothers cancer was in remission but sisters health was failing. She became pregnant at 18, the doctors told her she could die. She told me one night it was only Gods choice and no matter what He chose, I was to trust him. She died due to kidney failure at 6 months into the pregnancy along with her baby. A year after her death, the doctors discovered I too have lupus. I developed psychosis and attempted suicide. I was found and rushed to the hospital in time to save my life. God was trying to show me that no matter how damaged I thought I was he had great plans. I tried to see what He saw, but I kept trying to fix myself. Near the end of high school my health went downhill, I had received a scholarship to the university I was planning on attending, everything would be paid for. I had to forfeit the scholarship due to my health. To me going away to school was an escape. I was so angry at God, I went to the woods and told Him how much I hated Him that I didn’t need Him, and I was going to do what ever I wanted. I started partying, ended up pregnant twice and had two miscarriages, and became engaged to a man who beat me. One night my fiancé ‘s mother came over and Told me we were changing the locks and in the morning I would go to church with her. I started opening up to God, but didn’t think He would want me back. I met my husband, we even started going to church together. I became pregnant with twins and lost 1 at 10 weeks and the other at 14 weeks. My health started to deteriorate. I found out I was pregnant again but this time my body began to shut down, I was dying I was set up with hospice and went home. I felt I was getting what I deserved. God had saved me so many times and each time I would turn away. Half way through the pregnancy I asked God to just let me die. I was done, what could He do with me. I prayed to please take me or heal me. The following week I went in to the doctors office and all signs of disease where gone! My daughter was born 8 weeks early. After her birth, she was rushed away, I didn’t see her until 12 hours later. I knew that this was a gift from God that despite all my sins and brokenness I was still deserving of His love! Thank you for sharing your story and inviting me to share mine!

  13. Meghan says

    I grew up in dysfunctional family, my sisters and I lacked guidance. My dad was a control freak, my mom shut down. She got a full-time job & worked long hours to get away. We went to church but didn’t lead our lives for Christ. I lacked self esteem, looked for love anywhere I could find attention.I’d been shy and boys really didn’t notice me.. but when they finally did, I took any attention I could get. At 15, I found myself:

    Abandoned by most
    Pregnant & Pressed to Abort
    Confused
    Without Love

    I kept my baby and raised him. I wasn’t the worst mom, but I wasn’t the best either. At 18, I found a great man who lead me to Christ. Today I am:

    SAVED BY CHRIST
    FORGIVEN BY CHRIST
    LOVED BY CHRIST
    Loved by a great man
    Mother of Five AWESOME Kids (One Baby in Heaven) including a great teen who I am so proud of & who has changed my life for the better.

  14. says

    Jamerrill…
    I didn’t want to leave here without taking a moment to comment.
    I’ve so enjoyed getting to know you over the past year as we’ve written for The Better Mom and am often encouraged/convicted by your writing and ideas and parenting and love for your children and for your husband.
    Until reading this though…I didn’t know the hurt and pain that is also a part of your story.
    For me, it makes the beauty of now…and how God is working through you and using you now…
    just even so much more incredible and powerful.
    Amazing redemption.
    God healing wounds and using pain to bring about compassion and pull you close to Him.
    To Him be the glory (and I know that is the deep cry of your heart as well).
    Thank you for being willing to share your journey with us…
    Love,
    K

  15. Sarah Swarthout says

    At the end of highschool/ beginig of college I started becoming premiscuous, I felt like no one would love me unless I gave up myself. And I so desperatly wanted some man, any man to love me. To be everything for me. I hated myself for it, it brought me farther and farther down each time it would happen. Then I met my husband. We were intimate with eachother immediatly, I was always madly in love with him, but he was coming out of a very serious relationship that pretty much ended because of meeting me. I know he loved me from the start, but there were still lingering feelings from the past This just contributed to my sense of worthlessness and not being enough for anyone.
    There were so many painful things that happend in the first year of our relationship that it is hard to even look back fondly at the good times. I reacted towards him with so much anger, started using my pain as a way to control him, to keep him with me. We were both happy together and misserable at the same time. We ended up getting engaged, but things were not getting better he had begun to react negativly towards me, in reaction to how I behaved towards him. Which in turn made me feel less loved, and more angry. I ended up getting pregnant with my 1st and we decided to get married right away. I still remember the day we got married fighting with him on the way to town. And all I could think was this is never ever going to work out, but feeling like I had no choice. I hate that that is what I remember of my wedding day.
    Things went up and down for a while after that, there were good times, but the fighting had gotten worse, my husband had started to be verbally abusive, and would say the most hurtful things. There were even a few times where I had been so hurt and angry that I was violent towards him, and he pushed me back. It was a horrible marriage. We had my daughter, and loved her like crazy, but we just couldn’t pull it together. My husband was searching outside our marriage for girls on the internet. Once again adding to my feeling of worhtlessness. It wasn’t until I got pregnant with our second baby, about 2 years into our marriage that I finally realized what was happening. There was so much deceit, so much verbal abuse, so much pain in my marriage that something needed to change. I looked at divorce, but I loved my husband too much. Even with all of it I have never not loved him.
    I knew my kids were the most important thing, so I gave myself 6 months to try to fix my marriage, if there was no change I would leave. I believe that God led me to the right tools and the right information to realize that there was no person on this earth that I could change, nothing that I could fix but myself. I found out about the love dare, didn’t mention it to my husband we were so far away from eachother at this point he wouldn’t have cared. But almost within a week of me practicing those things, he started to change for the better too, back then I thought it was all his fault. But I began to see my part in the mess. I was always taught that it was weak to be the submissive wife, that we had to be equal with the men, but as I started learning more and practicing being submissive my marriage started to heal. My husband stopped looking outside our marriage to try to find what he wasn’t getting at home. He stopped hurting me with his words, he started treating me with more respect. Even more importantly I started to respect myself. I stopped grasping for control everywhere around me and instead focused on myself, and trusting God with the rest.
    I remember in the past believing that the bible was there for interpretation, that most of it wasn’t relevant today. But if the Bible could be right about submission, couldn’t it be right about everything. It helped me build a stronger relationship with God, to trust in His word. To know that this is the truth. My husband and I are now on our 6th year of marriage. There is no more abuse, there is no more deceit, I never even had to think about that 6 month mark. We are happy, we now have 3 beautiful children. And I am thankful that God sent him to me. I am thankful that God freed me from myself. That God taught me to love myself again. To know that I am worth everything I have been given. I am even thankful that my husband is not the kind of man that just took the abuse that I was dishing out like so many men do these days. His reaction was painful, but without that I don’t believe I would have had the motiviation to change. I am thankful that I can see what a wonderful man he truelly is.
    Today there is a lot I would do differently if I could go back, but I also know that all the pain from the past has taught me to be the person I am today. I am still growing with God everyday, my husband and I still work to have a good marriage, but now we work at it together. All the pain from the past is worth it to be where I am today. I believe that sometimes God gives us gifts in ways we would never expect. I believe I had to go through the pain, had to be broken, to put the peices back way that they were always supposed to be.

  16. says

    Thank you for opening up to us and sharing this part of your story, Jamerrill…and all of you who have shared what God has done and is doing in your lives. He is such a LOVING, MIGHTY, HEALING and GRACIOUS LORD!

  17. says

    What a powerful testimony! Jamerrill, you are an amazing woman of God and I thank God for you! Thank you for your love and courage to share your story! I praise God for how He continues to take our broken lives and shape them more fully into the beautiful image of His Son as we cling near to Him. Blessings, sweet friend, Kelly

  18. Mariazhope says

    Thank you for sharing your story Jamerrill I know you have done much letting go, forgiving, and letting GOD in.
    I am broken, shattered, and stained….
    There are so many pieces to my story as with anyone else but mine began when I was 2 1/2 my mother packed up my stuff and left me with a stranger. I was only suppose to stay for a couple of weeks until my mother could get herself together. She never came back and I never saw her again. I later found out that she left me because of an open child abuse case against her for my broken arm. Little did she know she threw me into the fire when she left me that day. I have been physically, mentally and sexually abused. I had so many lables that I believed them all, I have made many bad decisions because I did not know how to love or receive love. The hardest part for me was when I did search for her I did find her but she had passed away from breast cancer.
    But to GOD be the GLORY because HE is creating a new person in me. Today after many years of prayer, writing, reading, and growing I now know the most powerful tool of being labled and broken and that is FORGIVENESS and LOVING the Heavenly FATHER…..Today I am breaking the chains of family history, I am married to a very funny guy that keeps me laughing, we have two beautiful children and we are in the process of adopting. Many told me I could never get past all the hurt and pain little did they know my PAPA has great plans for me. Little did they know that becuase I chose to deal with the hurt that HE would carry me through the pain.( and HE still does on those days the memories try to creep in)
    I am a fairly new Christian I accepted Christ in 2004, HE has been washing me clean everyday since then.
    I am thankful that I have experienced the life I had, though it would have been nice if it were better but If I had not had those experiences I could not help those that are going thru it now, I would not have the empathy and compassion that I have for so many that are going thru the pain. I would not be who I am today.
    I have SO MUCH MORE growing to do, and it is a painful process but with my GOD all things are possible. And one day there will be no more pain, no more sorrow and no more tears!!!

    A great challenge to anyone is to ask GOD to break your heart for what breaks HIS!!! This has taught me so much as well. When I was going thru the forgiveness process for my mother at first I refused then GOD showed me something I had never thought of for her to do what she did she must have been hurting too, she must have been so lonely with out hope or help, the pain that she must have lived with for the rest of her time, and knowing that she died in a hospice center with no next of kin except her mother listed showed me that she may have never experieced that love that she could have.
    The only HOPE that I hold onto today is that some time she accepted CHRIST as her savior and that I might be able to meet her on the other side….
    I hope this part of my story will encourage others to forgive and choose love even when you don’t want to. Forgiveness is the way GOD allows us to be free…
    HE first loved us so that we could love others
    HE forgave us, so we must forgive others.!!!

    Blessings,
    Mariaz!!!
    Upward, Inward,Outward
    We love GOD completely Upward, So that we can learn to love ourselves correctly Inward, and then we can love others compassionately Outward.

  19. Kerry Murphy says

    I’m so glad I stumbled upon this post. The past two years have been the most trying of my life. My husband and I were overjoyed to find out we were pregnant with our first child, a daughter. Unfortunately, at 21 weeks my blood pressure hit 175/121. I was immediately admitted to the hospital. My condition worsened. I was diagnosed with severe preeclampsia/HELLP syndrome. I spent one month in the hospital waiting for my miracle. It didn’t come. My organs began to shut down and I was very sick. I was induced on Easter morning and two days later I delivered my stillborn daughter. I was 6.5 months pregnant.

    Five months to the day later, my husband’s best friend died from a drug overdose. While it wasn’t ruled a suicide, we feel it was. A month after that, my husband was diagnosed with testicular cancer and had to undergo surgery and radiation.

    I was broken beyond repair. I was mad at God, at the world, at anyone and everyone who had a seemingly normal, happy life. Why me? Why us? I lived my whole life for God. I was a good and faithful servant. I cried out to Him nightly, still do, asking why and knowing I’d never have the answer.

    I still don’t understand. I’m still mad. I’m still sad. I still pray every night for God to heal my broken heart. What I’ve realized, however, is that even though two years later I’m better, the scar never goes away and I’m ok with that. It’s who I am. It’s part of me now. It’s made me appreciate life again, appreciate the love I have for my husband, my family, and my friends. I am a better person for having survived my trials.

    Thankfully, my husband is now cancer free. We are currently in the process of adopting and may consider trying again in the future. For now, this is our path and it’s the one God has for us.

    ~Kerry @ Our New Normal
    http://www.our-new-normal.com

  20. Jen Ferguson says

    What encouragement – no matter how broken we see ourselves, God sees us as the whole children He intended us to be and He helps to mend us as He uses our stories.

  21. says

    Jamerrill, I featured your post on Dometically Divine. You are also the winner of a Flexi-Clip. Thank you so much for sharing this story. It touched my heart. Please visit my website and leave a comment with your email so I can connect with you.

    Blessings,

    Jasmine

  22. Debbie Wanker says

    Suicide has touched my life too. My first husband chose to end his life this way. I was a young widow with five children. I am grateful and appreciate you sharing your story. I know it will help someone somewhere that reads it and they won’t feel so alone. They’ll know they aren’t the only one and someone understands. My life sometimes seems like a fantastical soap opera, but I still count myself as blessed. I have a daughter in prison and I’ve learned to give thanks even in the small things. The small things make me grateful because they are the things I used to take for granted. There were times on occasion when I was busy, I would get irritated at being interrupted by a phone call from my daughter before she went to prison. Now a phone call from her is a wonderful thing and never an interruption. I have a saying on my wall that reads, Today’s trials are tomorrow’s testimonies. I count it as a blessing the experiences I have had because I have been able to reach out to others with an understanding heart. As one who has been in the trenches too. I’ll never forget a phone call I received from a friend who’s husband is a pastor. A young girl in their church was contemplating suicide and had threatened it. My friend asked if I would speak to this girl and said she was willing to listen to me. I wasn’t able to tell her anything valuable from the perspective of someone considering ending their life. What I did tell her was that I could tell her what it was like to be someone who was left behind and loved the person who killed themselves. Thankfully this young girl changed her mind. I would not have been able to have such insight if I hadn’t went through such an experience. I have welcomed mother’s of incarcerated children at church and seen the relief on their faces when they learn they aren’t the only one. I’ve relayed messages to parents of incarcerated loved ones and listened as mother’s have poured out their hearts. I think most of all it opened my eyes to those who hurt, but society has a strong opinion on what has caused them pain so they grieve in secret. It has caused me to take Hebrews 13:3 to heart.

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