I sat on the edge of our bed filled with mixed emotions. My husband sat across from me. We had been married a few years, but our relationship was not growing as we expected it to. Instead we were growing apart daily, emotionally isolated from one another and tired of not being fulfilled in our marriage.
I sat there, terrified, yet full of courage. I believe the Lord was urging me to be open with my husband. Tears began to roll down my cheeks before I even started. Then I took a breath and started to tell my husband...everything. I never knew how much I was keeping from him, how much I guarded my heart from the one who should have access to me in that way. I had been building a wall up to protect myself, but in the end, I realized I was severing intimacy and destroying our relationship. This night would change everything.
I spent two hours talking to my husband. We had had intimate conversations before, but nothing like this. This was the first time I really let him know what I was going through and what I was currently experiencing, what I thought about him, and what I hoped for our marriage. I also used this time to confess to my husband sin that I had been entangled in, and I repented for it. I share more about this moment in my book The Unveiled Wife.
Being unveiled is about being transparent in marriage so that true intimacy can thrive.
Being this transparent with my husband was incredible. I knew there was great risk involved because of how he could have responded to what I told him, but that there was also opportunity for experiencing growth and closeness. God gave me the courage to pursue the opportunity and it was the best thing I could have done for my marriage.
Being open and honest with my husband let him get to know the real me. He now had access to my heart, all of it. This kind of intimacy in marriage is vital. Since then, my husband and I have been able to be transparent when we communicate with each other, we have been able to help each other, and we have grown together in a beautiful way - we have become one.
In today’s culture, everybody wants access into everyone’s life. We want to see the reality of what people are up to. We follow on social media and we think we know people because of what they post about. We think we are letting people know us because of what we post about. And yet there is a growing feeling across the board of loneliness and isolation. I bet there is also a lot of hiding going on. I bet there are a lot of people who are afraid to actually give their spouse access to their heart, to know the real them. I use to be this person. But I am on the other side now and I want to shout it out to the world how freeing it is to be honest, authentic, and real in marriage. To let down the walls and the fake facade and get to the heart matters.
I have so much more peace in my life. I feel extremely connected and close to my husband. I am confident that our marriage is secure and that my husband loves me. I am not afraid any more.
I want to encourage you to be unveiled. Be transparent in your relationship with your husband. Your marriage is significant and your marriage has great purpose. Don’t let fear keep you from experiencing incredible intimacy in your marriage. And don’t let the fear of risk keep you from true love.
There is always risk when you love someone greatly. The risk is that you open your heart to love someone, but then they have to respond. However, our motivation to love should never be contingent on someone else's response. Our motivation to love should never be hindered on the risk. Our motivation to love is an outpouring of our understanding of what love is and unconditional love always pursues the opportunity to share that love with another.
If you desire to be transparent and you desire your husband to be transparent, but you don’t know where to start, I want to encourage you to check out a companion set resource that my husband and I wrote called Wife After God and Husband After God. These 30 Day Devotionals walk through Biblical principles and include challenges that will help you and your husband navigate intimate conversations. And if you get them as a book bundle they are 23% off!
Be brave friend! Love greatly with courage that comes from God.
Jennifer Smith UnveiledWife.com