Some days I find my mind distracted. I fall into a trance of dreaming what my life is not, but what I want it to be. It sounds awful but sometimes I dream my children are different. I dream of life being easier. I dream of solitude. Nothing extravagant, just a bathroom break by myself. I dream of being more like the lady down the street, or more like the family I see at church. I dream about a different life.
All this dreaming is helpful because it makes me realize how much I long for what I don’t have. It is good to feel the weight of my weakness and the lack of joy in my life. I say to myself quietly, “be content...oh God, help me be content.” As I ask God to help me find contentment in the hard days, I feel free. But I also feel the pain of longing for something that will take a lifetime to grow in.
I am brought to my knees as God faithfully humbles me. I find contentment as my mind is renewed by truth. Through his word he reminds me that I am living the life he planned. It doesn’t just happen, God gives us the ability to be content when life is a struggle. When we feel trapped by our own skin and we want to rip it off and run to something better—something easier—he reminds us that what he has given us is a gift.
Yes, even the difficult and really ugly days are a gift. We don't have to understand all the pieces that he is somehow going to put together and work for good, but we can trust, and know that he wants to help us find contentment. He is the only one that can show us how to be content. The only one who frees our mind and gives us joy on the days when it seems impossible.