When I Forget To Breathe

Comment
Your pregnancies will never be the same after you've gone through a miscarriage. Fear, anxiety and pain can feel like constant companions as you worry about the frailty of life growing inside you, but mamas, we have a God who is our stronghold and our pain can be the thing that draws us into his presence all the more. Will you trust him with your heart today?

I remember the sweet lady that brought me comfort food in the quiet hours of my second miscarriage. I told her how I wanted to trust God with a new pregnancy but I felt like I might set myself up for failure. I felt safe with her. She knew my pain well and I didn't worry about her judging me. She placed the chocolate cake on the counter and said with a soft and honest voice, "Your pregnancies will never be the same once you've gone through a miscarriage." I knew she was right and I appreciated her honesty. It was comforting to know that my struggle was a common one. I wouldn't walk this journey alone. I didn't have to feel ashamed, but I could walk alongside others.

As I wait to feel the movement of my baby, my mind wanders. A doctor visit scheduled two weeks away seems too long to wait for the comforting sound of a beating heart. I hold my breath for the heart beat. Some days I have to remind myself to breathe. 

Grace is the sweet moment you never expect but turns up to get you through a day, an appointment, a reality you never, ever dreamed for yourself.
— Kara Tippetts

My days have been filled with God's word. I feel desperate for truth. I need to be reminded of God's faithfulness. The days I feel no movement and I can't hear a heartbeat, he helps me to breathe. My wandering mind needs the constant reminder of a steady path, guidance that no one else can give. 

How sweet are the days of dependancy. The gripping reminder that I have no control. But God carries me, because I am weak and I cannot carry myself. I cannot breath on my own. 

The lady who brought me chocolate cake and told me my pregnancies would never be the same again, she was right. Painfully right. But it is the pain that has drawn me into the presence of God.

In my frailty I have known beautiful strength. In the most bitter of days I have been given incredible peace. 

The Lord is a stronghold for the oppressed, a stronghold in times of trouble. And those who know your name put their trust in you, for you, O Lord, have not forsaken those who seek you.
— Psalm 9:9-10

With Love,

Natalie nataliefalls.com