I'm writing this letter to you at the end of the day. I’ve given you everything and I’m too tired to shower. Today I’ve fed your hungry bellies and bathed your little bodies that wear the marks of dirt and sticky snacks. I’ve lost count of the dirty diapers and potty accidents. I read you books and colored with you. I made you popsicles and wrestled you on the floor. I lost my temper. I hurt your feelings. I sang you to sleep and counted the freckles on your nose.
My precious children, sometimes you might think I don’t like being your mom. When my face gets all weird and scary looking. When my patience is short. When I’m too tired to read and I get frustrated that you didn’t make it to the toilet in time. You have seen sides of me that others have not. You have seen me at my worst.
It has been your little hands and hearts that have brought me to my knees. I have learned through your lives that there is always someone more important than myself. Serving you has left me tired and drained. Serving you has been the best thing I could do in my lifetime. Your lives remind me every day that life is not about me, it is about loving others.
You have no idea now, but you are teaching me to lean hard into the moments that shape my character, no matter how uncomfortable they are. You are teaching me that serving others around the clock is hard work. But it is turning me into something beautiful.
Before I had you I was told that children are a blessing. They were right, but I didn't understand what they meant. I thought children were a blessing because they were fun and and really cute to carry around. Now I know that children are a blessing because they turn my eyes away from myself. Your lives have stolen my heart. My heart can’t beat for myself anymore. It beats for you from morning to night, and all through the night. When you are in pain or when you have to work extra hard, I feel what you feel. When your feelings are hurt, my heart breaks with yours. When you experience something new and you scream with excitement, I am cheering right along side of you.
Today I am celebrating the greatness of being your mom, but I don’t want to be honored for the things I have done. I want to honor the one who hasn’t given up on me. When I slammed my fists and cursed his name, he held me close. When I yelled at you and my face turned red with sin, he forgave me. I want to honor God for the work he has done in my life. My beautiful children, you are a blessing because you bring me joy and you point me to the one who will never give up on me. You point me to the one who is making me great!
Blessings, Natalie Falls