I Lost My Voice…the Week of the Rachael Ray Show

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Rachael Ray Show

At the ripe age of 5, my sweet savior Jesus saved my soul and stirred it.  As my mom and dad and Sunday School teachers taught me Bible stories - I fell head over heels in love with my Jesus and by junior high - I was sharing the gospel with anyone who would listen.

In high school my mom gave me a book by Elisabeth Elliot.  She was a missionary whose husband died at the hands of those they served.  Her lack of fear, love for the murderers and strong faith, inspired me to go to Bible college.

So off to the Moody Bible Institute I went and there a dream came true. I met my hero Elisabeth Elliot.  She came to my dorm room floor and spoke. I'll never forget the verse she shared because it was the first time I  had ever heard it:

Jeremiah 45:5:  "Should you then seek great things for yourself? Seek them not!"

This would be an important lesson to tuck into my heart as I never foresaw the ministry plans God had for me.

So after graduating college and marrying, I began leading women's Bible studies, accountability groups, Titus 2 Workshops and mentoring ministries.  And then in January 2008, God did something new in my life.

I now had children and felt like I was overloaded with real life ministry…I had discovered these things called blogs but I was fearful. I remembered Jeremiah 45:5, and fought the idea.  A blog seemed SO self-promoting.  A few days later we would have communion at church where during prayer, I sensed God moving me towards greater faith.

From that moment forward I have never looked back.  The following August my blog - Women Living Well - popped out into the blogosphere  and for a year and half straight I blogged 5 days a week encouraging women to find joy in God, your man, your kids and your home.

And then it came, an email from the producers of the Rachael Ray Show.  I had not pursued this and my blog was quite small at the time but I believe God was in it.  The producers asked me if I would come on the show and share about my marriage. I was fearful. What if I go on this show and they mock me or ask me to debate a woman who disagrees with me -  on national television!?! Ugh!

So I wrestled with my decision.  And it was that day - I LOST my voice!  This was not the first time I had lost my voice - actually losing my voice has been a regular occurrence in my life since I was about 10.  When I get a cold - it goes straight to my throat and voice.  And so about once a year, I lose my voice.  When I say lose it - I mean gone - not a squeak comes out. I am silent for about 5 days.

Isn't it interesting that the very thing I love to do - speak - is the very area physically I am weak.  I have over 1.1 million views of my videos on youtube.  I want to be a mouthpiece for God --but he has humbled me and kept me on my knees dependent on him to give me --a voice.

And on this day back in 2009, I begged God to give me back my voice so I could go on the Rachael Ray Show. After a lot of hot tea and cough drops, a camera crew showed up at my home to record us for 8 hours and then we boarded a plane and off to New York City my husband and I flew.

The morning of the taping, Keith and I prayed in the hotel room together, surrendering ourselves to God allowing him to do as he pleased.  Then we were whisked away to the studio for hair, make-up, green room prepping and in walked Rachael Ray - then lights, camera, action.  It happened fast. In a blink of an eye the taping was done.  We were ushered out of the studio within 10 minutes of the taping and there we stood on the New York City streets a little overwhelmed.  It was a big experience but like a vapor - it was over --and I was reminded of Jeremiah 45:5.

A few days later the show aired (you can see the video here) and the internet swirled with people's opinions of our marriage.  The words stung - "airhead, doormat, stepford wife."

"Should you then seek great things for yourself? Seek them not!" Jeremiah 45:5

Elisabeth Elliot once said, "God needs those who are ready to lay down their lives to lead others into a true soldiership and true following of the crucified."

I didn't go to the Auca Indians where my husband was murdered --I went to New York City on the Rachael Ray Show --I get it.  I really do.  I'm a wimp! Lol!!!

But I learned an important lesson early on in my blogging years --if I plan to write on faith, I must be prepared for insults and looking like a fool at times.  But what a joy it is to HAVE a voice!

You have a voice too!  We each have our own sphere of influence where God is asking us to be brave and speak truth. It certainly won't bring us greatness in the world's eyes - but consider - God doesn't love us because we are something great - He loves us because we are His.

Be fearless.  Use your voice.

Should you then seek great things for yourself? Seek them not.

Walk with the King,

Courtney, WomenLivingWell.org

This post is a part of our “Who We Are” Series. For all posts visit,

“Who We Are: The Stories Behind TBM Writers”

Who We Are at The Better Mom