Don't think it was a noble choice. It wasn't. It was purely because of God's grace that I didn't run away. My youngest was three months old when God revealed my husband's sin struggle. And the betrayal completely crushed me. I mean completely crushed me. Everything in me wanted to run. Well. Everything in me except God.
The days and weeks to follow the discovery of the infidelity were covered in emotional and spiritual fog. I simply survived. I fed my kids. Bathed them. Took them where they needed to go. But my soul lagged behind in a dark, lonely fog. I couldn't believe that this was my life.
Somehow in the midst of that pit, God whispered. I had walked with Him long enough to know that He does know best. That my tears matter. That He sees the beginning from the end. That He can be trusted. I knew it. But I didn't feel it. I didn't feel Him. But I did ask -- beg -- Him for wisdom.
And He led me to a promise.
There in my toy-covered, un-vacuumed living room, He led me to the book of Joel. And He said, "I will restore to you the years that the locusts have eaten." It was like He jumped off the pages into my spirit. And though I wanted to believe He could -- would -- restore my very broken marriage, running away and finding a "better" man seemed like a really great option.
I knew that God would go with me if I left. He promises to never leave or forsake His children. But I also knew He was "daring" me to stay. "Sweet daughter, if you go then know I will be with you. I will never forsake. But if you stay then you will see Me do something wildly miraculous."
It wasn't a noble choice. It was only by His grace that my feet stayed put. It was through a clinched jaw and bitter questions that I didn't run. But God faithfully met with me in that dark valley. He faithfully ministered to the wounds. He graciously taught me about true love and lasting forgiveness. He transformed my mind and challenged me to release control. And He proved Himself sufficient.
He did miraculously restore our marriage. But the greatest blessing was experiencing God through the pain. The greatest blessings were peace in the storm and hope in what should have been despair.
Lara Williams, LaraWilliams.org
Lara's new book To Walk or Stay just released! And though her and Adam's marriage story lays the backdrop, the book isn't about them. It's about a God who meets us in the midst of life's challenges and speaks. Her words encourage and inspire!
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