4 Days to a Forever Marriage is about using a simple, easy choice that can transform your marriage into the lasting, loving connection you want it to be.
The choice is: Love or anger.
Is your marriage all that you hoped it would be? Are you struggling right now just to hold on? Maybe you are thriving in your marriage? Wherever you find yourself today in your relationship with your spouse this book is for YOU! I am thrilled to have this opportunity to be able to interview Gary Smalley. Gary and his wife Norma have been married for 40+ years and they have great insights and advice. Read my interview below, and then check out our Valentines Day Special!
Q: Gary, as you know, many books have been written about marriage. What makes this book unique?
A: Norma and I really wanted to put together a fun, easy to read marriage book that was filled with the best relationship advice. What I really love about 4 Days to a Forever Marriage is that it has something for every marriage. Whether a newlywed or remarried or an empty-nester the reader will find this book has very practical content that is applicable to whatever life stage they’re in.
The other unique aspect and a question I've received a lot is ... why 4 Days? Over the last two years I've been doing a lot of research on what it takes to really sustain change in a person's life. During my research I came upon Dr. Caroline Leaf who is one of the top neuroscientists in the world and she wrote a best-selling book called, Who Switched Off My Brain. She shares how a person can begin to see major changes in behavior in as little as four days. But, the changes come faster with the increase in emotion and commitment. For a couple that may be struggling in their relationship or a spouse who just wants to become a better husband or wife, if they’ll commit to the 4 Days principles outlined in the book they will see a significant increase in their marital satisfaction.
Q: You suggest in the book that having a healthy marriage is about choosing between love and anger. In your experience, what most frequently causes anger in a marriage?
A: First, anger is a secondary emotion, not a primary feeling. It arises out of fear, frustration, hurt, or some combination of these three. Frustration is not receiving what we had expected from other people or from circumstances. Hurt is when we don't hear the words or receive the action we expected from other people or from circumstances. Fear is either dreading that what we expect will not come as we wish it to or expecting something bad is going to happen. An example would be if our spouse says something harsh to us we first feel hurt and then anger. As you can imagine marriage sets up those two emotions to happen pretty easily. That is why it is so important to know how to recognize the symptoms and how to resolve anger in your own life.
Q: What would you say to the husband or wife reading this that feels like they are on the verge of losing their marriage?
A: I really encourage marriages that are struggling to look at attending a marriage intensive. I've been a part of them and I'm amazed at the work they are doing. The research has shown couples that have gone through a marriage intensive have a 85% success rate in restoring their marriages. For more information I encourage couples to go to my website: garysmalley.com.
Q: As you look back on your 40 plus years of marriage, what season of marriage was the most challenging? And which season has been the most rewarding?
A: For Norma and I we both agree that each season has been equal in its challenges and rewards. For example, I thought the "golden years" of our marriage would be easy, enjoyable, and relaxing (especially being a marriage expert) but it has some very unique challenges that Norma and I are still adjusting to. Unfortunately, a marriage will never be perfect or free of conflict but as Solomon shares in Ecclesiastes 9:9 "Relish life with the spouse you love each and every day of your precarious life. Each day is God's gift. It's all you get in exchange for the hard work of staying alive." (MSG) Life is hard, so enjoy each and every day of your marriage to its fullest.
Thank you Gary for sharing your wisdom with us!
Guess what friends?? Gary and Norma Smalley have a Valentines Day Special for you!! You can purchase their ebook- 4Days to a Forever Marriage for just $2.99 through February 14th, 2012!
This book also has some special features:
1. They include practical steps for him and her, with a great mix of helpful biblical wisdom.
2. A two person perspective from Gary and Norma - giving both sides of the issues from their own challenges and the insight that helped them resolve it.
3. Directed introspection for you at the end of each chapter - and specialized guidance for every season of marriage.
4. Tweet-style insights sprinkled throughout- quick and easy insights for your daily inspiration.
5. Advice for: finding time to speak with your spouse, romantic ideas for $20 or less, Smalley fighting rules, and much more!!
You can get the book for just $2.99 at:
Gary and Norma Smalley
Gary & Norma have been happily married for more than 40 years. Gary is a well-known conference speaker, best-selling author, and president and founder of Smalley Relationship Center. And for years, Gary has shared anecdotes of Norma (and their relationship) with audiences across the nation.