Time for new beginnings.
It's been a rough few months.
I don't expect you to be able to empathize with me on all of these points, but here's some of what I've been through recently.
- Hunting for a used van. If you're wondering about whether or not there really is sin in the world, just try buying a used car.
- Panic attacks. My son (the one with autism [Asperger's] has really been struggling with anxiety. I'm not sure why, but after a long period of few of these, he's had numerous panic attacks almost daily. I don't do well with panic attacks typically. Maintaining calm when someone is panicking can be tough.
- Financial issues. Let's just say we've lost more than most people.
- Sudden weight gain that appears to be tied to the adrenal fatigue that I am working on. You ladies know how that feels - not exactly comforting.
Needless to say, I haven't been a peach to live with a lot of the time.
Just today (every day?) I needed a new beginning with my kids. Most of the day went well and then my son's panic attacks and endless questions started. And went on. And on. 7:00. Dinner not started. Husband not home. Take out pizza not an option in our whole food, food allergy home. My son's worrying and screaming crowded out my thoughts with no escape in sight.
I yelled and said things I shouldn't have said.
I felt nothing like a Better Mom.
My youngest asked me a question. I told him that I felt horrible and couldn't answer him right then.
He told me I wasn't The Worst Mom.
Guess I've called myself that before :-(.
I finally went in, said I was sorry, and just held my boys where they sat on the sofa.
And they held me.
Dinner will be late.
Husband came home and somehow we pulled dinner together.
But then my son's
panicking started again.
"What's wrong with me, Mommy? Why am I having such a hard time?"
Despite my fear, somehow I found something encouraging to say.
"I don't know, honey, but we're going to try some new things and you are going to be OK."
"That's just what I needed, Mommy."
Well, really - that's just what I needed.
A New Beginning.
For him and for me.
For all of us.
Thank God for new beginnings.
For clean slates...
Like an Etch-A-Sketch after you've botched your drawing, but you get to shake it up and start all over.
Only our daily sins aren't so trivial.
This New Year, l'm not just going to think about waistlines and organization techniques.
I am going to be thankful for:
- the New Beginning that we already have through Christ
- my son forgiving me and telling me that I'm not The Worst Mom.
- my other son telling me that my words are just what he needed.
And by the way, if you don't know about the forgiveness that you can have in Christ, feel free to leave a comment. I won't be preachy. Promise. And you are welcome to hang around here or on my blog, whatever your beliefs.
I'm just one needy soul telling another how to become new.
And in case you're wondering what this has to do with whole health?
Man does not live by bread alone. Even if it is whole grain or gluten free :-).
We are whole beings. Body, mind, and spirit.
Neglect one and you neglect them all.
Blessings to you and yours in the New Year.
(And just in case you need some healthy diet options for the New Year, you might be interested in my Top 10 Recipes from 2011. Because dinner still needs to happen :-).)
If you know of a mom who is struggling, please consider sharing this with her.