Overcoming Anger With Eternity

Overcoming Anger with Eternity

Eternity changes everything.
I’ve written in the past about why I don’t want our children to feel at home here.
Because–
I want their true home to be in Heaven.

But…
I’ve also come to realize that when I lose my temper and the anger rises,
And especially when I start to see a pattern of quick-to-annoyance-why-can’t-they-all-just-do-what-they’re-told-and-quit-dropping-full-cups-of-yogurt-on-clean-tables–
It is usually because of two things:

1) I’ve allowed idols to creep in.
If you missed my friend Ruth’s post at The Better Mom from a couple of weeks ago, please take time to read it.

2) I’m suffering from eternity amnesia.
Whether I say it or not, I’m living like Heaven isn’t real.
As if my current state of laundry piles, runny noses, bills, and stringy gum stuck in hair is–
All there is.
I have forgotten eternity and the promises of forever that I have in Christ.

“I often lived as an eternity amnesiac.
I, too, often lived with the unrealistic expectations and functional hopelessness that always results when you tell yourself that this life you have right here, right now,is all there is …
This present life is not all there is.
There is a forever on the other side of this life.
Eternity is not a mystical creation of overly spiritual people.
Forever is a reality …
Living in this present world is designed by God to produce three things in me–
longing, readiness, and hope.”
~ Paul Tripp, Forever (pages 12, 13, 14, & 35)

So how does remembering Heaven change things?

How does it help a mama who is about to lose it because–
There is a popsicle stick stuck to the corner of the couch, he forgot to mention signing “us” up to bring cupcakes for the class party, there wasn’t a trash bag in the garbage can when they scraped the breakfast plates, and someone used a stamp pad to wallpaper her sister’s room?

Focusing on eternity reminds me that:

1) Life is not all about (me).
“(I) am not in the center of my world now, and (I) won’t be then.  What makes eternity wonderful is that God is restored to His rightful place at the center of all things.”

2) (My) heart will only  be satisfied when it finds its satisfaction in God.
“In eternity (I) will no longer search horizontally for what (I) will only find vertically.”
~Paul Tripp, Forever (pg. 76)

I lived a whole chunk of my life not really thinking much about Heaven.
But then our daughter Selah died.
And I needed to focus on eternity.
And while it brought comfort as I thought about the future joy of seeing her again, learning about and thinking about Heaven did so much more than that because:

Heaven changes everything.
It shifts our dreams, our goals, our direction.
It affects our pain, our sorrow, our fears.
Heaven gives us hope.

Heaven moves us to invest in what will endure–
Forever.
Heaven gives us courage to sacrifice for what will last–
Forever.

Heaven reminds us of what is truly important.
Especially, when I’m tempted, as a mama, to unleash the flood gates of anger.
Heaven calls me to patience, as I remember the patient grace that God offers me daily.

“When circumstances rise to levels of importance way beyond their actual importance, they exercise more control over us than they should … The resurrection of Jesus and the hope of forever give us a sense of priority and proportion.” ~Paul Tripp, Forever (pg. 87)

“Peace is found only in knowing that this world is meant to prepare us for the next and that the temporary pleasures and pains of this world are not our final address. When we live knowing that the God of grace will lift us out of this broken world and is now readying us for the world to come, we can face difficult without wanting to give up and experience pleasure without becoming addicted to it. We live with hope in our heart, eyes to the future, and hands holding this present world loosely.”
~ Paul Tripp, Forever (pg. 37)

Heaven reminds me that this world is broken.
That I should not be surprised when I face frustrations and failures in myself or even in those I love best.
But that there is hope because–

Jesus said,

“And if I go and prepare a place for you,
I will come again and will take you to myself,
that where I am you may also be.”
~John 14:3

And I want to live–
To really live in such a way that when I reach Heaven I will say:

“I have come home at last! This is my real country! I belong here.”
~C.S. Lewis, The Last Battle

“Our citizenship is in Heaven,
and from it we await a Savior, the Lord Jesus Christ.”
~Philippians 3:20

Practical Ideas for Renewing an Eternal Perspective:

–Do a Bible search on verses that relate to Heaven and find creative ways to display them around the house. 

–Ask God to remind you of Heaven throughout the day, especially when you feel tempted to lash out in anger.

–Read any/all of Randy Alcorn’s books about Heaven.  Heaven for Kids is probably our favorite.

–Read Paul Tripp’s book– Forever  and/or Joni Eareckson Tada’s book– Heaven.

–Begin every morning thanking God that “we are looking forward to a new heavens and a new earth, in which righteousness dwells.” ~2 Peter 3:13

Overcoming anger with eternity perspective makes it all worth it!

His for eternity,

Kara @The Chuppies

*photo source– my dear friend Anne-Marie

This post is part of the month-long challenge From Grouchy…To Great.  Please check the series page for all of the posts! 

From Grouchy…To Great

Being a Compassionate Wife and Better Mom Monday’s Link-up!

Last May, my husband lost his position with the company he had served for over 14 years.

While there had been some hints and clues in previous months, the news still came as a surprise.  One day he was employed, then a few days later it was all over.  Company cutbacks, and our family wasn’t the only one affected.

We were incredibly blessed with a severance package, limited but extended insurance, and there was a savings account to fall back on for a time.  In reality, our situation wasn’t exactly hopeless or disastrous.  Besides, God is our ultimate provider!

But, I don’t think my heart got that entire message.  Not at first.

Even though I knew all of this information, my emotions went into overdrive just a wee bit.  Okay, a BIG bit. We were smack dab in the middle of a large home improvement project and stress levels were already at premium.

I stressed about the project, thinking we would have waited if only we knew….

I became overwhelmed by the question will it be easy or difficult to find other employment?

I tossed and turned over many thoughts, except the ones I needed to be focused on from the start.

What is my husband feeling?  How is he doing?

 

And to take it one step further — How can I bless him right now?

Being a Compassionate Wife ~www.thebettermom.com

As wives, it’s so easy to become carried away with our concerns and to forget or neglect considering the heart concerns of our spouse.

I’m not suggesting you totally disregard your emotions or feelings, but I do think it’s incredibly tempting to think of ourselves first and get stuck there.  In this situation, both my husband and I had questions.  Both of us were thinking about the future and wondering next steps.  Both of us needed understanding and compassion for the road ahead.

But being initially stuck on my own swirl of emotional response wasn’t exactly helpful overall.

So today, I offer just a few things I learned about being a compassionate wife from this experience:

1.  PAUSE.  Before jumping the gun, turning molehills into mountains, or bombarding our spouses with whatever is on our minds right now — hold off for a bit.  If this seems incredibly difficult, well…it is.  But, not impossible.

2.  PRAY.  We need discernment ladies.  Sometimes we’re asking our spouse to help and listen to every little detail when the Lover of our souls is available to hear us out.  God will help us filter through the pile of reactions and calm our hearts, maybe before approaching our husbands.

3.  PAY ATTENTION.  Take note of his needs as well as your own.  It’s scriptural to think of others and not only of ourselves (Phil 2:4), especially in a marital relationship.  Your husband desperately needs to know his heart is safe with you, and that you care deeply enough to pay attention to what’s going on.

4.  PRACTICE.  Yes, in order to make it stick…we probably need practice.  I know I do!  Apply these steps to real life situations, asking the Holy Spirit to change your way of response.

Being a wife who is compassionate towards her husband’s needs is not only a godly goal, but one which will benefit and enrich your marriage!

Are there other steps or suggestions you would add?

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So now it is time to LINK-UP and join the party!!!!

*****We pin our favorite link-ups on The Better Mom’s Pinterest Board!!*****

Better Mom Mondays Link-up is every Monday!!! Every week we have hundreds of posts linked up here from so many beautiful women with beautiful things to share!  I encourage you to visit their sites by clicking on the links and reading all of the fantastic ideas and insights! Also don’t forget to join the fun by adding your blog!!   We request that if you join below -please add the Better Mom Mondays Link Up button to your post so your readers can find us here! (Posts can include the topics of mothering, marriage, homemaking, discipleship, recipes, organization and more!) You can find the html code in the sidebar, or “save as” copy, and paste the button below.

Helping Your Kids to Be Best Friends & Better Mom Monday’s Link-up!!

Helping Your Kids to Be Best Friends ~www.thebettermom.com (NOT a bad link)

I grew up with one brother who was four years younger than me. I clearly remember he had a T-shirt that said, “Trouble Is My Middle Name.” And that’s pretty much how I thought of Ronnie during my growing-up years. He messed up my toys. He pulled my hair. He spit on me. Yuck.

I remember when John and I first started dating. John asked about how my brother and I got along. I told him we didn’t. I told John my brother had been a pest when we were little, and then John looked at me puzzled. “Did you ever invite him to play with you?” Uh, no. Honestly, I’d never thought of that! I was focused on my play, and I wanted him to stay away.

Then, I had my own kids, and one of my goals was for kids to become friends. Great friends.

I homeschooled Cory, Leslie, and Nathan from preschool through high school. They were with each other every day and had no choice but spend “quality time” together. They are grown now, ages 23, 20 and 18, and they are great friends. We enjoy the moments we spend together, and whenever we sit around and chat they share memory after memory of the ups and downs they had together as kids. (Even now I hear about trouble they got into that they hid from me all these years!)

And would you believe we’re starting all over again? Through adoption we have three little ones in our house, ages 5, 3, and 2. I still have the same desire to raise children as best friends, but now I remember how very hard it is to . . . make . . . kids . . . get along. Best friends?! Sometimes I hope we’ll survive through the day.

Yet even as my kids are getting used to their new brothers and sisters, here are some things I’m focusing on:

  1. Set Guidelines. The first thing kids fight over is what’s “fair.” When rules are set and enforced equally for everyone, then kids know there will be no playing favorites. When parents provide the same affection, discipline, and praise to each child, children have a chance to have positive relationships with each other.

  2. Build a sense of “team.” Even from the first day our newly adopted kids joined our family, John and I told them that they were ours forever and were now part of the Goyer team. We encourage team spirit. We tell them we work together as teammates. We play like team members, too. We stick up for each other, and we turn to God to be our coach.

  3. We focus on time together. We limit each child to one extra-curricular activity a year. We focus on family dinners. We have times of independent play, but we also have times when the kids play together with coloring or play dough or blocks. Yes, there will be fighting, but as my kids interact, I get the chance to guide their interactions.

  4. We pray. We pray for wisdom. We pray for our kids’ hearts to be turned to each other. We pray that God will give us wisdom. And when I turn to Him, He is always faithful to do just that.

What about you? How do you help your kids be best friends?

Blessings,

Tricia Goyer, TriciaGoyer.com

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So now it is time to LINK-UP and join the party!!!!

*****We pin our favorite link-ups on The Better Mom’s Pinterest Board!!*****

Better Mom Mondays Link-up is every Monday!!! Every week we have hundreds of posts linked up here from so many beautiful women with beautiful things to share!  I encourage you to visit their sites by clicking on the links and reading all of the fantastic ideas and insights! Also don’t forget to join the fun by adding your blog!!   We request that if you join below -please add the Better Mom Mondays Link Up button to your post so your readers can find us here! (Posts can include the topics of mothering, marriage, homemaking, discipleship, recipes, organization and more!) You can find the html code in the sidebar, or “save as” copy, and paste the button below.



Training for Motherhood & Better Mom Monday’s Link-up!!

Mamas we have a BIG job to do at home! I will be writing more about our J-O-B later this week (and why we all need training), but for now I want to share with you a fantastic training tool for all of us moms! A 97 eBook homemaking library for only $29.97! There are tons of great books on everything from decorating, cleaning, and finances to marriage, personal spiritual growth, and children’s educational tools!  To see all the books included, read all about the bundle, and how to purchase click HERE.

The Ultimate Homemaking eBook Bundle! 97 eBooks for only $29.97! ~www.thebettermom.com

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So now it is time to LINK-UP and join the party!!!!

*****We pin our favorite link-ups on The Better Mom’s Pinterest Board!!*****

Better Mom Mondays Link-up is every Monday!!! Every week we have hundreds of posts linked up here from so many beautiful women with beautiful things to share!  I encourage you to visit their sites by clicking on the links and reading all of the fantastic ideas and insights! Also don’t forget to join the fun by adding your blog!!   We request that if you join below -please add the Better Mom Mondays Link Up button to your post so your readers can find us here! (Posts can include the topics of mothering, marriage, homemaking, discipleship, recipes, organization and more!) You can find the html code in the sidebar, or “save as” copy, and paste the button below.



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