When Emotions Become Sinful & Better Mom Monday’s Link-up!

Cultivating Godly Emotions

For five years his story has haunted me, a story tucked quietly away in a big book about ancient kings and wars and disasters. His is a story of legacy.

For hundreds of years his actions were followed by an entire nation. And his legacy? Idolatry.

Yet buried in the annuls of I Kings we read the astonishing account of how Jeroboam’s idolatry was birthed in fear. God had promised him the kingdom, yet his fear of losing it drove him to take matters into his own hands. Fear led to control and control lead to idolatry.

It became his legacy.

Jeroboam’s story has haunted me because in it, I see how one out-of-control emotion led an entire nation into idolatry for hundreds of years. Jeroboam’s fear corrupted his leadership and crippled his calling. By giving in to fear, Jeroboam set an evil precedent for succeeding kings, even long after he was gone.

We can only imagine what would have happened if, instead of following fear, Jeroboam had clung to God’s promise. What if he had lived by faith, not feeling?

Jeroboam’s legacy of out-of-control emotions is timely for us. In this day of despair and fear and rage and depression and insecurity, we need to know that our emotions can be brought under the Lordship of Jesus Christ and the truth of His Word.

God created us in His image and that includes our capacity for emotions. Emotions are not bad or sinful in and of themselves; but like everything else, they are affected by the fall. II Peter 1:4 tells us that by Christ’s blood, we are partakers of His divine nature. This means that we can partake of His emotional nature as well and can experience godly emotions. Take a look at Galatians 5:22-23 to see what some of those look like. As a side note, according to Brian Borgman, the most frequent emotion mentioned in the Bible is joy ( i.e.”rejoice”).

Scripture teaches that we are not to be controlled by our emotions but rather our emotions are to be controlled by the Spirit of God.

This became very real to me when God graciously showed me how many of my daily decisions were being driven by how I felt, especially by the feeling of being overwhelmed. He gently but painfully showed me that by placing too high a priority on my feelings of exhaustion, I was not being diligent in serving my family with excellence, I was not reflecting God’s strength and character to those around me, I was failing to attempt the good works God had called me to do, and I was laying a faulty emotional foundation in my children’s lives.

Pretty serious stuff.

It was a liberating moment when I realized this, however. Knowing that I did not have to be in bondage to the feeling of fatigue set me free. I confessed it as sin to God and to my family and I began learning from Christ. I’m still learning and practicing what He reveals to me in this area of godly emotions.

Here are some key truths that help me get a grip:

 1. Emotions are strong but they need not be sovereign.

This one little nugget of truth is what saves me from the slippery slope of out of control emotions. Only God is sovereign and I can choose to place my emotions under His authority.

2. Emotions need truth to direct them.

Physiologically, emotions are a result of our thoughts. Emotions are best controlled by renewing the mind with truth.

3. Knowing my proclivity to certain emotions means I can be pro-active in controlling them.

For example, I know that I am easily overwhelmed. I also know that God promises sufficient grace at all times for every good deed. So I have identified several truths, like the promise of God’s sufficiency, that I constantly renew my mind with. Bringing truth to the forefront of my mind keeps my emotions grounded and where they need to be.

If you would like more in-depth practical help, join me at my blog for an upcoming series on cultivating godly emotions. This series is intended to help develop discipline in our emotions by looking at biblical truth. I will be drawing from scripture as well as looking at what others like Nancy Leigh DeMoss, Elizabeth Elliott, and Brian Borgman have to say about the role of emotions in the believers life.

We really can leave a legacy of godly emotions!

Read Jeroboam’s story here: I Kings 11:28-40 and I Kings 12:25-31.

Blessings,

Arabah Joy

Arabah Joy and her family have served as missionaries to East Asia for the past eleven years. She is married to Jackson and they have four children, both adopted and biological. She has authored a guide on how to increase energy as well as a newly released eBook on living Complete in Christ. Mostly though, she is a broken woman redeemed. She writes about God’s sufficiency to transform at Arabah Joy.

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Give Yourself the Gift of Rest

With this month’s focus on Mother’s Day, I hope you’ve had opportunity somewhere in the celebrations to prop your feet up a little…

…and REST.

I know, it may seem like a foreign concept in our Mommy days of fullness and busyness.  We’re responsible for so much care of home and hearts; and if you’re in the days of nurturing little ones, the tasks just pile up at times.

Actually, that goes for the care of big ones too!  Mom responsibilities shift as our children age, but they definitely don’t disappear altogether.

What’s a mother to do?  And how do we honor this practice of rest in our days?

cup of mocha

We must be intentional about creating space for pausing.  I know from experience quiet time for Mom just won’t happen naturally.  Rest is God’s gift to us so we take care not to burn out in this journey of motherhood.

While I definitely don’t have it all figured out, there are a few habits I’ve found incredibly vital to being a more rested Mom.  Those are the words to emphasize:  more rested.

Just aiming at being a little more relaxed than you are currently.  There’s no need to try and overhaul everything at once, step by step changes are more lasting.

And if you’re in the phase of newborns, infants or just have another reason for your normal patterns of rest being ‘off’ – take heart!  It’s a phase which will pass.  Roll with it until normalcy returns.

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Tips for Rest

1.  Prioritize sleep :: whenever, however, wherever it can happen for you!  If a full night’s 7-9 hours is possible, try not to cut yourself short.  Take naps as needed or able, they’re good for you!

2.  Purposefully pause in your day :: STOP your work – all of it.  This can be for however long you decide, even 15 minutes is beneficial.  For a short time somewhere in your day, every day…pause everything and enjoy a quick relaxing activity.

Read, listen to music, enjoy coffee or tea while sitting, nap! or whatever brings you refreshment.  Then go ahead and get back to work, it will be waiting for you!

3.  Plan for extended time away :: once a week, once a month, whatever works out to be a regular (or semi-regular) pattern.  The goal is to plan for it.  Go out to a Bible study alone, gather with girlfriends, a date night, or just roam and window shop.  Establish a habit a longer times of pausing from your regular rhythm of work to enjoy time off.

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Mother’s Day shouldn’t be the only celebration of all we do and who we are to our families.  A great gift to both yourself and your family is a Mom who is rested and refreshed!

Do you take regular time to pause and rest?  

Tell us what you enjoy doing most!

 

Post written by Daniele of Domestic Serenity

{photo credit}

 

When They Said You Would Fail…

When They Said You Would Fail...

There is not one mother that will walk the face of this Earth who will not be told by someone, whether directly or indirectly, that they would fail. Maybe it will be a family member, maybe a friend, maybe a stranger, or perhaps even yourself. While hearing these words may be painful, the more important thing to remember and focus on is what God says about you. Here are some sweet reminders for those mommas going through some challenging times with the hurt caused by failure.

When they said you would fail…

God said, “The LORD himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.” Deuteronomy 31:8 (NIV) No matter what you are going through, God has promised to always remain by your side. He doesn’t want us to become discouraged in times of distress, rather He wants us to rest in His peace and be comforted by His continued presence in our lives.

When they said you would fail…

God said, “But those who wait for the Lord [who expect, look for, and hope in Him] shall change and renew their strength and power; they shall lift their wings and mount up [close to God] as eagles [mount up to the sun]; they shall run and not be weary, they shall walk and not faint or become tired.” Isaiah 40:31 (AMP) He has given you what you need to restore your confidence and joy through the promises only found in His Word.

When they said you would fail…

God said, “Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.” Colossians 3:12-13 (NIV) Never forget that you are chosen and called for His divine purpose. Only you can fill the call that God has placed on your life. Continue to listen to His voice and follow His lead – forgiving those who many have hurt you along the way.

When they said you would fail…

God said, “For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope.” Jeremiah 29:11 (NASB) God said that you are blessed and highly favored! Rejoice in the fact that while failure may be a part of the process, it is only leading you to a place of peace and joy that God is guiding you towards each day.

When they said you would fail…

God said, “There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear. For fear has to do with punishment, and whoever fears has not been perfected in love.” 1 John 4:18 (ESV) Even though we fail, God still loves us and wants us to pick up the pieces and try again. And He never wants us to feel any type of fear, not even fear of failure. Never forget that God’s perfect love casts out fear and that in Him we are made whole by the blood of the Lamb!

The beautiful thing about God’s love is that it is unconditional. He doesn’t care if you fail. And He doesn’t care if you fail again. He still loves you with an undying, unchanging love. I know it isn’t always easy, but the next time someone tells you that you are going to fail, refuse to believe it. Rather see it as an opportunity to allow God to work in your heart and expand your faith by committing yourself to believing what He says about you. Instead of seeing a circumstance where things don’t turn out the way you think they should – as failure; see it as an opportunity to be molded by the Potter’s Hands. I promise you, if you take this approach, you will find a peace you never knew existed.

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Who Is There to Shoulder a Mom’s Stress? {Giveaway}

Help for Women Under Stress

One doctor and stress lecturer has said that the most overstressed person in our society is the mother of small children. Our counseling experience, our family experience, and our conversations with many women confirm this. The woman who is mother and wife doesn’t simply live with her own stress. She carries the weight of secondhand stress, inherited from her husband and children. Whether they work outside the home or not, it’s no wonder today’s women are under stress.

Consider a study done on what are called the “11 high-stress jobs.” The list in order is: Doctor/Nurse, Farmer, Teacher, Firefighter, Combat Soldier, Air Traffic Controller, Restaurant Manager, Stockbroker,Probation Officer, Accountant, and Salesperson.

An article called “The Most Stressful Jobs of 2012” featured these: Enlisted Soldier, Firefighter, Airline Pilot, Military General, Police Officer, Event Coordinator, Public Relations Executive, Corporate Executive, Photojournalist, and Taxi Driver.

Don’t the jobs on both those lists, cumulatively, sound remarkably like the job of a mom? She is health worker and nurse to her children, and often her husband. She is teacher, restaurant manager, waitress, taxi driver, police officer, accountant, and yes, sometimes combat soldier.

But at the end of the day, who is there to take on a woman’s struggles, to fight her battles, heal her wounds, listen to her cries? We’ve found that many women aren’t fortunate enough to have sensitive and supportive husbands, or appreciative and helpful children. Even those who do sometimes find themselves feeling misunderstood, alone, afraid, and exhausted.

Then who can shoulder the stress of today’s woman? The answer cuts to the very heart of Help for Women Under Stress, the very heart of coping with stress. It is an answer secular books on stress inevitably ignore.

Read carefully:

“Cast all your anxiety on him, because he cares for you” (1 Peter 5:7).

Who is this “he” who cares for you? God. The God who cared enough to go to the cross for you, who has seen you at your worst and still loves you. The God for whom you need not perform or achieve, just be. The God who knows all, governs all, and weaves all together for your good.

He is the architect, engineer, and builder of all that is you: “Your hands shaped me and made me…. Remember that you molded me like clay” (Job 10:8–9). As your designer He knows you as well as a potter knows his vase or an author his book. He knows you thoroughly and intimately. “Before I formed you in the womb I knew you” (Jeremiah 1:5).

How does all this relate to stress?

Nanci’s father was a structural engineer. He understood how much stress a beam can take, and made sure that he never gave it a load that exceeded its capacity.

God is our structural engineer. He knows our needs. He knows our load-bearing capacity, our limits. He allows us to live under stress, yes, but never lays upon us a load greater than what He made us to bear.

We encourage women under stress to learn to pace their race, and throughout their days, all the seasons of their lives, to look to God as their Creator and Redeemer. Jesus came that we might have abundant life, not just in Heaven but on earth. This is not prosperity theology; it’s simply believing that in the midst of a world under the Curse God is serious when He commands us to “Rejoice in the Lord always.”

So it’s fair for a woman to ask how rich and rewarding her life is, and how much joy she’s experiencing day to day. It’s fair to ask how much richer and more rewarding life could be with a daily maintenance plan for the body, soul, and spirit God has entrusted to her care. God made only one of each of us. We should budget ourselves and spend ourselves wisely, for God’s glory.

Help for Women Under Stress by Randy and Nanci Alcorn is available from Eternal Perspective Ministries in paperback and as an ebook.

Giveaway:  We have three copies of Help for Women Under Stress to giveaway here at The Better Mom.  To enter join the Rafflecopter below:

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Randy and Nanci Alcorn with MaggieAbout Randy and Nanci Alcorn

Randy Alcorn is a New York Times bestselling author of over forty books (including Heaven, The Treasurem Principle and Safely Home) and the founder and director of Eternal Perspective Ministries (EPM), a nonprofit ministry dedicated to teaching the principles of God’s Word and assisting the church in ministering to people around the world.

Randy and Nanci were married in 1975. They reside in Gresham, Oregon and have two married daughters and are the proud grandparents of five grandsons. Randy enjoys biking, tennis, research, and reading. Nanci enjoys reading, exercising their Golden Retriever Maggie, watching pro football, and traveling with Randy. They both love spending time with their family.

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