About Shannon McKee

Yesterday we talked long about my sweet group of six “sisters” and how we have formed a monthly Accountability Group (AG). If you haven’t read that post, you really should go back a day and check it out. Why? Because the practical suggestions I’m about to give won’t make much sense if you haven’t heard the heart motivation behind such an endeavor.

In order to give you some practical tips, I’m going go with a Q&A format. These are the questions that others have asked me and seem to come up most often when I talk about my AG.

Q: Do you use a curriculum or a book? How is it different from being in a Bible study?

A: Our AG is not a Bible study. All six of us are in Community Groups within our church where we study the Bible with others several times a month. As well, many of us are in some sort of weekly Bible study with other women during the school year. Because we have great preaching at our church and these other offerings to keep us in the Word, our greatest need as an AG is not for more Biblical knowledge. It is to apply the things we’re already learning. Sometimes we’ll read an article or a short book, but only if it meets a specific purpose and all of us feel the need for more input on that topic.

Q: So, what, exactly DO you do?

A: A typical Wednesday night includes all six of us around one large table. We spend the first part of the evening chatting and catching up over coffee or tea and some simple munchies. We have a tendency to talk and talk; so, we have to keep a close eye on this time.

After a half-hour or so of chatting, we transition to an accountability time where we discuss one topic or a couple of questions that everyone has to answer. The questions require a level of depth and transparency that we have worked into over time. Then we share prayer requests about our specific lives (not about our neighbor’s dog’s toenail issue). Sometimes we pray for each other, right there; sometimes we take the requests and pray throughout the month. We have tried different approaches to prayer like partnering off or doing group emails all month long. Here is a pdf sampler of questions that we have drawn from over the years. As well, you might like this list that my husband, Rick, recently developed for our church staff to use.

Q: Whoa, whoa, whoa! How do you get to a point where you feel so free to be vulnerable and honest with each other? Some of those questions are tough!

A: It took some time. We took the first several months to build up to a place where we could trust each other. We also all agreed to a “covenant” that included things like keeping our discussions confidential. Even my husband doesn’t hear about things others in the group have said. We also committed to always speak with honor and respect for our husbands and family members – even if we’re being vulnerable about a hardship there. And, of course, we are slow to judge and quick to listen. But, at the same time, we’re not easily offended by each other. We’re committed to being open to having Biblical truth lovingly shined on our failures. That’s the whole point. I can remember at least one time where one woman had to follow-up with another member of the group because she was too quick to judge. The two of them worked it out and God was honored by their growth with each other. Lastly, you have to keep in mind that this is a time for you to find accountability and prayer about your own weaknesses and goals, not a time to gossip about someone else who has irritated you!

Q: Is there one leader?

A: Yes, it’s best to have a point person. But she really acts like more of a facilitator than a leader/teacher. She’s not a mentor. She’s a fellow group-member.

Q: What is a good group size?

A: I suggest four to eight women. More than eight and you won’t all actually get to share. Someone could “hide” in a larger group.

Q: Where and when do you meet?

A: We usually meet in a home. It has to be somewhere private so that you’re not afraid to be overheard. We’ve gone out for special occasions to a coffee shop or restaurant but that’s the exception.

We have picked a regular time and we stick to it, no matter what. Even if someone has to miss. I suggest monthly because weekly is just not feasible for most people. We see each other and talk at other times, of course. Email and sharing in church life together can fill in the gaps.

Q: Do you meet indefinitely?

A: Our group has agreed to continue meeting for several years but I do think it’s best to have an exit strategy so that no one feels bad if they need to stop being a part for some reason. Maybe start with a commitment of two years and then reevaluate yearly. One of our “sisters” just adopted and we’ve designated ourselves Josiah’s aunties. So, I guess that means we’ll have to keep meeting for the next 18 years. {wink}

Q: Could a virtual or online community serve the same purpose? 

A: Technically, I suppose it could. For some women, that is necessary. Like if you’re the only Christian in your town or something. But, I don’t think it’s usually best. Because there is no way that women who are far away can see you living life and actually call you out. I have dear, godly friends all over the country from our days serving with Campus Crusade. I would certainly call them for advice anytime and feel a kinship with them. But, they could never hold me accountable the way that these five local women can.

Blessings,

Shannon

We’ve gathered around the table again. Faye’s got coffee brewing and a fire crackling. Someone made popcorn and Mamajama brought a pan of something chocolatey.

Which is good because we’ve come hungry. {wink}

Only, not just for food. We’re hungry for a morsel that will feed our souls. For something that will fill the lonely places and keep us running strong in the life race that has been marked out for us.

We are here with our funny moments from the month. Our weariest failures. Our confessions. Our grandest victories. Our hurts. Our deepest hopes.

And we lay them all down there – all our vulnerabilities spread out on the table. To be poked and prodded, encouraged and challenged.

Why do we do it?

It’s our monthly Accountability Group. We are six women from different walks of life who have one thing in common: we love Jesus. We happen to all go to the same church but our little group is not a structured program with a curriculum that the church provides. We just sort of found each other. And, we’re quite a collection – these six. Our kids range from newborn to college-age. Our opinions differ on this and that. (Right down to whether or not “crap” is a bad word or whether it’s worth it to spend the extra money on cage-free eggs.) We school differently.  Our hobbies range. Some of us work outside the home. Some not. Like I said, we’re quite a collection. But, I can tell you two things: (1) These women are legit; and (2) I’d take a bullet for any one of them.

This first Wednesday of the month is our safe place. A time where we shrug some of the burdens that come with living in a broken world and share them with sisters who will help us hold them up.

During our years together, we’ve swapped stories. The grace stories of how Jesus found us and, really, how He keeps finding us. Because He does keep finding us, you know. Not just for salvation but for sanctification. He holds fast to us no matter what life brings. And His grace is still amazing. We are witnesses of this in each others’ lives. We can testify.

We’ve cried over our kids. Prayed for our marriages. Talked about the things that trip us up. Set goals. Asked each other the hard questions that no one else asks. Studied the Bible together. Been there for each other – in funerals and illness and sorrows and joy and money frustrations and personal failures and adoption journeys and bouts with depression.

But, what’s the point? Is it just a middle-aged version of Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants? No. Definitely no. If I’m going to sacrifice an evening with my family and invest in lasting relationships with five other women, it’s got to be more than that. And it is. Because Jesus is at the hub. Just Him. Not our common interests or a common stage of life or a common schooling philosophy. Just Jesus.

Let me share the verses that motivate us to keep at it when other commitments threaten to crowd it out. They come from the book of Hebrews, written to encourage Jewish Christians who were struggling. Maybe they’ll encourage you too.

Let us hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering, for He who promised is faithful. And let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works, not neglecting to meet together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another, and all the more as you see the Day drawing near. (Hebrews 10:23-25)

Did you catch that? “All the more as you see the Day drawing near.” Jesus is coming back for us. That Day IS coming. To be honest, I can’t wait for it. But, in the meantime, I’ve got to hold fast without wavering. Easier said than done, right? So, how can I do that? Not by going it alone. That’s for sure. No, it’s by having some sisters in my life who will stir me up to love and good works. Women who will meet with me and encourage me. And I, them.

All the more as we see the day drawing near.

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Intrigued?  Tomorrow I will follow-up with a post that will have some guidelines and ideas to help you create your own Accountability Group.