About Christin

It’s not hard to allow our hearts to grow faint and our spirits to become weary. The hard part is gearing up to fight against that battle.

Our expectations can often get in the way of God’s work in us and our children. We wear ourselves out trying to create children who will behave well so that they can affirm us as “good mothers”. But, does this answer the deeper question of Christ? Are we satisfied by a false security cloaked in good behavior?

Good behavior is a by-product of a deeper story; it should be worked from the inside out.

But setting aside the exact reasons, let’s focus on the exhaustion caused by trying to do it backwards.

Our children, like us, have sin in their lives. They can’t help it. We can’t help it. This is why Jesus chose to come to the cross—to give us a way out so we wouldn’t be separated from God forever.

Sometimes coming back to the very basics is just what we need to see clearly ahead. We cannot nag, threaten, or yell our children into perfection. It’s unrealistic. Perfection does not exist.

Instead, we need to focus on their relationship with Christ and how the Spirit helps them live righteous lives. Living a morally good life is too small a thing to live for. It’s not enough. Is it important that we live righteous lives? Absolutely! But this is not something we can do, or our children can do, alone. It requires the Holy Spirit guiding, directing, and living in us.

It requires that we actually let go of our ideals rather than cling to them. We were given freedom in Christ so we didn’t have to live in bondage to the things we simply cannot do. That doesn’t mean we don’t aim high. It means we don’t hold so tightly to the missed mark. Christ hit the mark we couldn’t hit. He filled the gap we couldn’t reach so we could live for Him.

When our children sin, when they disobey, when they fight, yes there are consequences. But it shouldn’t be a constant disappointment from us that they aren’t living up to our standards. Because eventually, they will stop trying, knowing that nothing they do is good enough for us. If we base our acceptance and love off their performance, they will fall short every time.

Instead, show them the cross. Guide them through their mistakes lovingly and share the consequences of sin. But refrain from badgering a child for messing up. Even Christ does not put such a yoke on His children.

This is not license to make sin “OK”. Not at all! It’s a guide to help lead a child to repentance, forgiveness and grace with conviction, not guilt and shame.

It also releases us from the bondage of expecting perfection from our children and allows us to see them through the lens of grace. Compassion is more powerful than shame and blame; conviction more constructive than guilt.

Do not let your heart grow faint in helping your children when things are tough. Go to Christ, and renew your strength and lead your child to renew theirs. The goal is Christ. To know Him. Do this first, and all other things will fall into place.

Keep sin in its rightful place. It’s not to be glorified. Christ is to be glorified for wiping out the sin we could not do away with. Our children are no different. When they sin, yes, talk about it, but don’t glorify it. Don’t give it more attention than it deserves. Recognize it and then praise your Father for removing it. He alone deserves the glory.

Teach your children to follow in the footsteps of Christ, but when they stumble, help them back up, brush them off, and continue to guide them.

Joy in Him,

Christin - Joyful Mothering

Somewhere along the line I have fallen into this trap of managing my children more than I mother them.

I am, by nature, an organized person (though not perfect) and tend to do well at managing the details. Those skills are what landed me jobs as a virtual assistant and help others with their blogs as a consultant. Such tasks don’t require special attention other than keeping them organized and knowing how to handle them.

But this is not how it should be with my children. My children are little souls that need to be nurtured in order to grow. Putting them on a schedule and moving them on from one thing to the next is not how I want my mothering to take shape. A schedule should be used as a guide, not source of life–because by itself, it’s quite dead. Quite un-lively.

The difference between managing and nurturing is speaking in monotone verses speaking words of joy and life. It’s getting frustrated when things get out of place verses being patient as my children grow. It’s fitting things into a box verses recognizing God made my children too unique to fit in a box.

Management is for running a business, not raising children.

Management is for keeping our homes, but it doesn’t have the same results in keeping our children’s hearts.

We don’t manage hearts; we mother hearts.

Mothering is not just who we are; it’s what we do.

Children will flourish with the warmth of their mothers voice as she personally addresses their needs and their questions. When she stops to take the time to look her child in the eye and give him her full attention.

Managing resembles more of a dominating attitude. This is not the same as a leader. A leader is someone people choose {and want} to follow.

Managing is meant for inanimate things. Not for children. Children are to be cherished, treasured, taught, lead, and loved on. Managing them is not enough to nurture the deepest needs of their hearts.

As a Father, God reaches to our very core in order to disciple and love us. He is not a manager of people; He is a gracious lover of His people. We are His children. He rejoices over us with singing!

“The LORD your God is with you, he is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, he will quiet you with his love, he will rejoice over you with singing.” Zephaniah 3:17

Let us delight in our children, too, and pour life into their days–not merely manage them.

Joy in Christ,

Christin, Joyful Mothering