4 Steps To Tame Red-Faced Mama Anger

I’ve been angry.

I’ve been angry about broken dishes.

I’ve been angry over noisy kids.

I’ve been angry over incessant bickering in the car.

I’ve been angry.

4 Steps To Tame Red-Faced Mama AngerI’m not proud of it, but I want you to know that if you’ve yelled or fumed or slammed or maybe spanked too hard…you’re not alone.  My cheeks flush to admit it.  But I’ve been angry.

What can us mamas who battle real anger do?

Five years ago I was called to the table on my anger.  I knew I struggled.  I knew the guilt of sitting by my children’s beds at night crying and praying for change.

Crying and praying only get us so far.

We need to act if things are out of control.

I started seeking out resources.  I prayed about finding a counselor we could afford.  I began attending *blush* a {free} ministry called Celebrate Recovery.

And I fell at the feet of Jesus.

The very first step for me was casting everything I had been carrying on Him.

Finances.  Children’s behavior.  Marriage.  Household duties.  Schedule.  Outside relationships.  Past hurts.  Family dynamics.  Children’s personalities.  My inadequacies.  Work.  These are all factors that can play into our anger.

Likewise, if we have hurts and habits that we have not dealt with, those can manifest in anger.

If you really struggle with anger, here are few choices you can take right now.

4 Steps To Tame Red-Faced Mama Anger

1.  Let go.

Let go of the denial.  Denial won’t heal you.  Let go of the hiding.  Satan lives in dark places and tells us lies when we insist on hiding.  Let go of “tomorrow I will change.”  Change today.  Let go of blame.  No matter how awful we may think our children are, or how terribly we’ve been treated by others, or how badly our life is going – acting out of anger is our fault and we need to deal with it.

2.  Realize anger itself isn’t wrong.

No, it’s not wrong to feel angry.  God gave us our emotions and feelings and it’s not wrong to experience them.  What is wrong is acting out in anger - yelling, screaming, hurting, hitting, throwing, even talking with that super irritated tone in our voice.  We need to learn to experience our anger without hurting others {or ourselves}.

3.  Find one help today.

The first thing I did was start looking online.  Some of the following are affiliate links for books and CDs I listened to.  You can also start by reading the series I wrote on anger a while back.

4.  Seriously, start praying and seeking help.

I mention I found myself at a Celebrate Recovery meeting.  I was scared and nervous and honestly didn’t even realize I was there for me.  I thought I was helping out someone else.  When I got there and everyone was broken and genuine and seeking God without their Sunday masks on I was hooked.  It felt like real church.

Maybe Celebrate Recovery (CR) isn’t for you.  I’ve heard that Beth Moore has a great study called Breaking Free that goes through a lot of similar things to CR.  Or maybe you can form a group with other moms and go through the Anger Workbook mentioned above.  Perhaps you will call your church and the perfect counselor or pastor will be available to meet with you.

Just do something. Make a move to start working through the anger.  Today.

I will be the first to say that I don’t have this all figured out.  As I write this I think I should probably go back and start re-reading some of these books again.  I’m okay with that.  I know that I’ve made amazing progress from five years ago.  I am not perfect. At stressful times, anger and patience can be a bigger struggle than at other times – but I continue to seek healing and Jesus.

Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.  Matthew 11:28-30

Please, my friends, know you are not alone.  If you’d like prayer or someone to share with feel free to email me:  {christy at onefunmom dot com}, I’ve been there and want to encourage you. 

Much love,

Christy  OneFunMom

This post is part of the month-long challenge From Grouchy…To Great.  Please check the series page for posts from the other awesome contributors on this topic.

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Comments

  1. Guest says

    Very nice read. I have tried to get help/understand better what I am struggling with, but any conversation with friends or family seems to end with being told my kids are great, kids don’t notice, I’m too hard on myself, they’re resilient, etc etc. I wouldn’t have said anything in the first place if I didn’t recognize the seriousness of my actions and my failure to change. The message in the mainstream is ‘to get help’ for your anger or depression, but it seems like requests for help have been ignored. Others seem more in denial that this is very real for some of us and that it hurts those around us! Really appreciate your directness with this.Thank you for the links.

  2. Heather Przybyla says

    Christy, thank you so much for this post. I can truly appreciate and understand your struggles and success. I never dreamed that becoming a mom would have such an impact on the way that I think and feel. So often it feels like we have to be perfect and take on the world, pushing real issues deep down. Until reading a post like this which says, it’s okay. It’s okay not to be perfect, but the real importance is acknowledging the issue and learning how to move past it. Thank you for sharing your experiences and the wonderful resources!

  3. says

    I am looking forward to the resources you shared here – I just ordered one of the books. I struggle with anger and holding onto to things that I just do not need to. Different seasons of motherhood have not brought out the best in me, but realizing it and doing something is what needs to happen. Thank you for being vulnerable, open and honest.

    • says

      Susan! I hear you on the different seasons. We’re always being thrown something new – financial situations, children’s ages (just when I get one age down they grow!), outside influences, and the list goes on.
      I just uploaded your home planner to hopefully help get my home organized and maybe a bit clean. That will help me in one aspect of my struggle!

  4. Tessa says

    This is a great post! I am mom to three kiddos and work a full time job (for the next 5 months at least) and my husband works the evening shift (3-11) my temper runs very short often because I am just so stretched to the limit! This has really shown me that no matter how stretched or stressed I need to watch my temper and control my anger better! I really appreciate your non-condemming tone too!

    • says

      Tessa, you’re a busy mom! I want to encourage you especially to remember that we can’t do it alone. I can’t tell you how many days I wake up with the resolve: “I’m not getting angry or frustrated today!” That doesn’t work, because I mess up a lot. The best thing for me is saying: “Jesus, I’m going to mess up today, please take over my mouth and my actions.” I’m never perfect, but as I learn about myself, my Jesus, my emotions, and my children things get better.

  5. Darlene Oakley says

    Thank you so much for this post. Yesterday was terrible for me in this regard. I blamed it on PMS and taking down the Christmas tree, which is always very depressing for me, but I couldn’t even really pin down what I was angry about. Yes, my ADHD 5-year-old was acting kind of rangy, but not as much as he has been known to. A lot of it has to do with constantly repeating myself and constantly having to explain why things need to be done a certain way, but I was not happy with how I was reacting at all.

    I will definitely look into the Bible studies and resources you mentioned.

    The only consolation is I recognize the same questions I ask of my kids (“Why don’t you just do what you’re told” or “Why do you do these things?”) are the same things that God must think when he sees us, and, as I’m a writer, I see an article coming out of this – perhaps another book idea? Heaven knows.

    Thank you again for this post. I think it will be a great 2014 if I can get a handle on this issue that has always dogged me with only a few seasons of reprieve. I know I don’t want to be an angry mom. This is the not the environment I want for my kids.

    • says

      I do think sometimes of how God sees us, and I think He is thrilled and proud when He sees us doing our best to conquer these things. He knows we’ll mess up just like we know our toddlers are going to keep going back to the top of the stairs. He has patience for mess ups.

  6. Andrea says

    So glad you mentioned Bev Bradley. Her resources are so helpful in pointing the weak and weary mom back to Jesus.

  7. Heather B. says

    Funny how He knows exactly what I need to hear. Thank you for this post. It’s like you wrote this just for me.

  8. Elissa Philgence says

    Hi Christy

    Wonderful post. Thank you for writing it. As I read it, I could feel your sincerity and pain in every word. Thank you for sharing your struggles and letting me ‘us’ know we are not allow in this.

    You are so right, angry is just another form of emotion that God as bless us with but it is how we chose to use that emotional that made it good or bad. We can get angry at injustice and wrong doings, but we should never get so angry that we start to hate the people and not the sin.

    Like you and many mother here, I too pray and ask God daily to take away frustration out of my life and one very important thing that I have learn is to never talk to friends about your problems because they always seem to want to ‘fix’ you.

    Look to the story of Job in the Bible, my friends, Job was right with God and Satan wanting to destroy him. so he took about everything that Job holds dear and then he sent Job friends to tell him that God’s hand is against him. Please look to God for help and from whom to get help-note to self.

    Blessings always.

  9. says

    Thank you for your transparency. I’ve been toying with the idea of joining the local Celebrate Recovery for over a year now, and your article…I guess I just need to face the fact that I haven’t joined because I’m scared. I don’t want to be transparent. It’s humbling.

  10. Jessica@Definitely.Maybe.Blog says

    Thank you for this post. I never thought I’d be an angry mom. I’m not an angry person at all. Very laid back. But it’s just something about my kids. I’ve gone in cycles where I do really good and can work through my anger as it comes for week and months at a time. Then there a few days or a week of total freak outs. Unfortunately, it’s been one of those weeks. I’ve been struggling with guilt since yesterday afternoon when I definitely sinned in my anger. I can totally relate to sitting by the kids beds and praying for change. I’ll be looking into some of these resources you’ve mentioned. Thank you for your honesty.

  11. Amanda says

    Thank you for this!! The first podcast cut me to the core… Do you know, by chance who the speaker was in that? Thanks again for your post!!

  12. Melinda Todd says

    Who is the preacher in the sermon Freedom From The Spirit of Anger? Do you know? It’s good but I always like to know WHO I am listening to :) Thanks for all the great resources!

  13. guest says

    I am so blessed that a friend introduced me to the better mom i made a promise this year that I’m going to be a better mom. I know i struggle with bad tempers and anger my 3 yr old recently started talking back to me and has his own little attitude now and I’ve been feeling lately like where did i not train him? what did i not show him? and when he gets in those moments where he talks back i end up fighting with him because i don’t know how to resolve it when I’m stressed with other things and he does it i catch myself clenching my fist and praying. I thank God for my husband who has the patience i don’t. He sees my hands and distracts are son to to do something else these anger post are helping me see things differently hearing from other mothers who all relate thank you so much!

  14. Jenna says

    Well this is what God wanted me to read today! I completed the step study in CR a few years ago and knew that anger is my greatest hang up. But I neglected to maintain my recovery. I have been struggling with anger more and more lately and just went again to CR this past week….confessing my realization that my anger is flaring and I am seeing it reflected in my children now. I started reading this series this past week as well. And then upon reading this post and your confession to attending CR, I could not feel more affirmed and directed toward CR and owning up to my part!

    This process takes a lot of sacrificial time and energy that I do not have on my own, but with God’s strength, I know it is possible and necessary.

    Thank you for sharing this struggle here. I think it is one that most moms do not want to confess.

  15. Rusheika Furbert says

    I’m a little late to the party but I just stumbled upon this series which is an answer to prayer. I am a mom to 4 boys and 1 girl… And I am struggling with anger and grouchy ness. I am desperate to make changes and am excited to see what God is doing I my life in this area… He led me to this series. Thank you for the list of resources. I was also able to find the “Warrior Mom” resource as a download here… https://resoundingvoice.com/shop/70-warrior-mother-fighting-for-the-kids-and-not-with-them

  16. Tonia Randolph Spencer says

    I’m guilty!
    But I honesty go from fine to over the top angry in a split second.. And before I know what’s going on the hurtful words are out.. Or that spanking that was unjustified…is completed.. How do you stop what you didn’t know was coming?

  17. says

    Nice post by Christy. By your post, it really helps for
    every mom because all of the moms are learning, how to tame anger? Blog post
    suggested many ways to tame your anger and all these steps are really helpful
    for tame your anger.

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