My Miscarriage {a story of loss, grief, and a miracle}

As most of you know, miscarriage is near and dear to my heart. Today I am so grateful Candace Cameron Bure’s sister is sharing her story with us. I pray that it brings hope and healing to many.

Join Candace and Bridgette…..

Candace Cameron Bure and her sister BridgetteHey- Candace Cameron Bure here! My eldest sister Bridgette felt led to share her journey about having a miscarriage. I’m so proud of her for writing this down, giving hope to those of you who are hurting and heartbroken. Bridgette is not a blogger nor has a website, she simply wanted to be an encouragement and lend her heart to bring praise to God through it all. I know you’ll be blessed by reading her story.
-xox Baby Sofia’s Aunt Candace
www.candacecameronbure.net

On a sweltering day in August, 2005 I finally got home with my two young children after a morning of errands. At nine weeks pregnant the word “nap” sounded perfect. I settled my boys into their room and rested on the couch. After an hour I woke up to a gushing sensation. As I sat up I knew what was happening. “No, God, no” was all I could say. I ran to the bathroom and my worst nightmare was confirmed; I was having a miscarriage. My stomach cramped and bled as I sat and cried. How could this be happening? I’ve had 2 healthy pregnancies. How could I be losing my baby?

The next few minutes in the bathroom were moments I will replay in my head over and over and cherish for a lifetime. I looked down at the toilet paper and there was my baby. Nothing else. Just her. Just like you see in all the books. A baby at nine weeks old looks just like a little gummy bear with dark eyes and little webbed hands and feet. The room was quiet and still and I heard God’s voice whisper, “This is your daughter, you need to say goodbye.” I hadn’t even felt her move inside me. I wanted more time. But I knew this wouldn’t be goodbye forever, just until we meet again in Heaven. I sat. I prayed. I said goodbye.

My neighbors stayed home with my boys as I was rushed to the hospital. My husband John was on his way to meet me there. Doctors and nurses were running around me so fast it was a blur. There were no questions asked, just poking and prodding, prepping me for a DNC and a call made to prepare the operating room. I was on the phone with Mom telling her what was happening and her words were calm, loving, and strict. She said, “Bridgette, do not get a DNC. Do not let them take you to the O.R. until they have done an ultrasound. Don’t do anything, I am on my way.” My initial thought was, “Mom these doctors and nurses know what they are doing”, but she was adamant, so I exhaled and agreed.

I took her words seriously and told the nurses that I wanted an ultrasound before heading to the O.R. They told me they would do one there but I insisted the ultrasound be done in my room and I wasn’t going to the O.R. until it was. I saw the nurse roll her eyes as she walked away and tell the other nurses in the hallway that I was becoming a “problem patient”.

The ultrasound tech came in and started to perform the tests. She looked at the monitor, looked at me and my husband, looked at the monitor again and looked back at me. “What? What is it?” I asked. She looked at me with tears in her eyes and said, “Your still pregnant.” “No I’m not. I said goodbye to my daughter at home in the bathroom.” I told her, confused. “No, you’re still pregnant” she said, and turned the monitor toward me so we could see our baby’s heart beating. We cried together and thanked God for this miracle.

Because of my initial doctor’s cold bedside manner, once at home, I decided I wanted a second opinion. The new doctor saw something she didn’t want to confirm immediately, so she sent me to a specialist. The specialist gave me surprising news; I had been carrying twins! This confirmed that I did in fact lose my baby at home but by Gods grace, He allowed me to enjoy one here on earth. I was shown that I had two sacs and one placenta, indicating that they would have been identical. The specialist showed me the empty sac and the sac that was beautifully beating away. He said that my body would either reject the second baby or the empty sac would absorb back into my body and I would continue to have a normal pregnancy. I lay on the table motionless, trying to process everything. My heart sunk into my chest as my thoughts turned back to the day in the hospital, prepping for a DNC and the phone call with Mom that saved my healthy baby’s life. If I had not been that “problem patient” and stood firm on my request, the life growing inside of me would have died too. But could I still lose her?

I did continue to have a healthy pregnancy and nine months later our daughter Reese was born. When she was 4 years old, she sat on my lap and asked, “Mommy, do I have a sister?” I was shocked because it wasn’t something we’d ever discussed. She told me that she often dreams about a little girl and talks to her in her prayers. I had planned on waiting to tell her when she was older, but decided now was the time. Reese knows the little girl in her dreams is her sister Sophia and that God is keeping her safe in His arms.

I am so blessed that I got to see Sofia, hold her, and touch her even if it was only for a few moments. She was a part of me, us, our family. Am I angry with God? No. Do I understand why this happened? No. But those are questions I will ask God when I get to heaven. But will I even have to ask Him?  I know that when I enter into His kingdom, Sofia will be there waiting for me and I will be able to hold her for an eternity.

Blessings,
Bridgette

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Comments

  1. Mothering From Scratch says

    {Melinda} Such a beautiful story. I’m so sorry for your loss. But I love how the Holy Spirit works in our little ones — and that your sweet daughter is enjoying a glimpse of the relationship she’ll have with her sister one day. When I was pregnant with my firstborn, I thought I was miscarrying also. It was Easter Sunday and I was bleeding. I was so scared. Finally, I went to the ER. I was only about 5-6 weeks pregnant. The doctors also believed I was originally carrying twins … although they couldn’t be 100% certain it wasn’t a blighted ovum (an fertilized egg that doesn’t develop). I wonder if one day I’ll see another child in heaven. Thank you for sharing your story.

  2. Krystal says

    Thank you so much for sharing as I have been through miscarriage twice after having 2 healthy, typical pregnancies and children. It is hard but I am so thankful other women who have been there have shared their stories. They have given me so much and so much more to look forward to and given me strength that it will be okay.

  3. Jennifer Wilkinson says

    Beautifully written, beautiful story. Your mom was so wise in that moment, surely that wisdom came straight from God. What a blessing she chose to be brave enough to say those words and you were brave enough to make your request!!

  4. Marla says

    What a heartwarming story and God was speaking to you through your Mom. My mom carried my stillborn twin sister til the day we were born and this was in 1967, before ultrasounds, etc. She had contracted German Measles early in her pregnancy and somehow I became the strongest of the two and my mom never miscarried, and the belief is that because we shared the same sac, I somehow sustained life for us. I am deaf, but have no other disabilities and I wouldn’t change this for anything in the world. And like your Reese, I always felt this connection to my twin when I was growing up. Thank you for taking the time, Bridgette, to share your story with us.

  5. Kathleen says

    Brigette,
    Thank you for sharing your story. It brought tears to my eyes. I’m sorry to hear that you had the miscarriage. At the same time I happy for you that God was kind and allowed you to keep your other baby. I know what it’s like to go through a miscarriage. I understand the pain. My God continue to Bless you and your family.

    Kathleen

  6. karen hopkins says

    I , too, know the pain of miscarriage. One thing I learned after the loss of my child, ” Kellie Jayne” , was that even though our arms were empty of holding our precious baby girl, our hearts, even all these years later, are still full, and still bring us encouragement knowing that she is with our Heavenly Father, and His peace, and His healing is always ongoing, especially with the rememberances that come from holidays, and such. Bridgette, thank you for sharing your strength in this experience. My tears came today, in reading your heart felt story – tears that need to come even today as I leave my child’s memory with my Abba Daddy.

  7. artbysarah says

    Bridgette, Thank you for sharing your story. I’m sorry you had to experience the trauma of that, but am also thankful for the miracle of the other life saved! But we know that we will indeed see our babies in heaven. I had my fourth miscarriage in July. My first one was twins, too. Five special people to meet when I get to heaven! The tension we Christians experience between grief and joy is a gift of God.

  8. Elizabeth Brulc says

    I miscarried my daughter a little over 4 months ago. The pain of losing her is still very strong but I know she’s waiting for me in Heaven. The hardest part for me is the wait to see her! I am eager for Christ’s return so that I can spend eternity with Him and my sweet little girl. For me, it’s just one day at a time.

    • Bridgette says

      Elizabeth~ Praying that you will feel Gods love surrounding you during these difficult days. My MC was 8 years ago and there is not a day goes by I don’t think of Sofia. Each day gets better. We celebrate her Birthday, we talk about her and we cry too. The hardest part is when Reese misses her. But the joy of knowing we will see her again is what keeps me going. Praying for you.

      Bridgette

  9. says

    Bridgette, I am so sorry you lost your sweet Sophia! Thank you for sharing your story, even the details of your “minutes in the bathroom.” 12 years ago I miscarried our first baby at 9 weeks as well, and met our sweet baby the same way, in the same place. Being away in a different part of the country from family made it difficult to wrap my head and heart around, but with God and my husband by my side, healing has come in our lives in miraculous ways. You sharing here will be a huge source of healing to women who have experienced this, are walking it now, or will one day. Thank you for your vulnerability! Thank you for bringing a bit more healing to my heart today, 12 years later…xoxox

  10. Kateri says

    Wow Thank you for sharing! I know how hard it is to suffer a loss. What an inspiration for us all! You got a wonderful blessing and you were strong enough to receive it.

  11. Jennifer Vasquez says

    Praise God for your mothers wise words. I am so sorry for your loss and so grateful that our God heals our pain. You shared this so beautifully. I have never experienced a miscarriage personally but have friends that have and it was painful to watch them hurt. Thank you for sharing this.

  12. jwolstenholm says

    Wow! What an amazing story. I am so thankful for your mother’s wisdom and your conviction to get the ultrasound. The whole miracle was so spirit led. Beautiful. I too saw my baby during my first miscarriage. It was very surreal and part of me wishes I had been more present. I also miscarried a twin however the second baby ended up being ectopic. Such similar stories. I now have two beautiful miracle babies to remind me daily that He is in our grief and pain and he brings beauty from ashes. Thank you for sharing Bridgette. Beautiful!

    • Paula says

      I had the same thing happen a year ago.. Miscarried a baby at home and was rushed to the hospital a few days later. My tube had ruptured. My doctor didn’t believe me when I said I had miscarried at home earlier in the week, but when I described to the nurse what the baby looked like she confirmed that there had been two. We were able to bury both babies together. Had a beautiful little boy this March! 5 living children and 3 waiting for me in Heaven!

      • jwolstenholm says

        Paula, I am so sorry that happened to you too. It’s so sad and extremely scary. My tube ruptured as well and had to be removed. Miraculously, my son was conceived 7 months later when the doctor said it couldn’t happen because I had no tube. He’s my little miracle. Loved the looks on the doctor and nurses faces when I came in to say, “I’m pregnant.” Congratulations on your new sweet boy!!

  13. Carrie says

    Thank you so much for sharing! I too lost a twin at 7 weeks (during my 4th pregnancy), only to find out 2 weeks later I was still pregnant with his/her sister which I carried to term. I cried as I empathized through reading your story. I recently gave birth to boy/girl twins (6 mths) and almost lost our little boy and my own life to a severe placenta abruption. He has cerebral palsy from lack of oxygen at birth, but we love him all the more and I find myself thanking God often that He has blessed us with him. My daughter talks about how she once shared my tummy with a twin. What a wonderful reunion it will be in Heaven!

  14. Kristen Ebin says

    I had the same thing happen to me at about 9-10 weeks in my 4th pregnacy. I never went for a DNC but my HCG levels were slowly dropping but still very high a week after my initial bleeding. When I went in for an ultrasound there was an empty sac and right beside a beautiful baby. The doctor said I had lost a twin. I cried with sorrow and joy. I had been consumed with grief and now was filled with such awe that I’d be given another baby to love. Our son is now 6. I had never heard of this happening prior to my experience, but have heard more and more stories since. Thank you for sharing your story.

  15. Kelli says

    Wow, so many angles, ripples and perspectives to life events. Thank you for sharing that. My husband was supposed to have been a twin. He still occasionally talks about the feeling of something missing, of being off. My mother in law, a nurse, talks about how her doctor didn’t believe her that she had two inside and miscarried one.

  16. Trina C says

    What an incredible story. When I miscarried for the second time I, too, got to see my little baby. Only 6 weeks gestated but I knew what I was seeing. I, too, don’t understand why it happened to me (twice) but I am blessed to know that I have two beautiful children waiting for me in Heaven and two beautiful children here on earth in my care. God is good. :)

  17. Johanna says

    The EXACT same thing happened to my Mom! She was carrying twins as well (but didn’t know it) and the one baby died. She thought that was the only baby in there and was also going to get a DNC and then she felt God leading her to get an ultrasound. Sure enough they saw my brother Jeremy in there! So glad my Mom listened to God telling her to get an ultrasound or my brother would not be alive.

    My parents told my brother fairly young that he had a twin that did’t make it. He always felt close to that twin and sometimes wondered why God didn’t allow him to live. Long story short, God sent an angel one night when he was maybe 4 or 5 and reassured him that his twin brother was safe in heaven. He felt peace about losing his twin ever since.

    Funny that your story and my mom’s story are so similar!

  18. Lisa says

    Dear Bridgette, Thank you so much for sharing your story. Such courage, faith and strength you share. It is especially uplifting to hear of your daughters questions. I often wonder if our surviving twin is aware of his sibling in heaven. He’s only two so no questions yet but he certainly has the personality of two. May God continue to bless you and your family.

  19. Chris says

    Thank you for sharing, the same thing happened to me, so glad they did not do the DNC or I would not of had my beautiful daughter!

  20. JUBILANT says

    Thanks and God bless you for sharing, my wife is currently going through the same thing but we are both stedfast and believing that she is still pregnant. Please join us in prayers. THANK YOU!
    Her name is CONSTANCE

  21. Berry Logan says

    My name is Berry Logan from Canada my boyfriend and I were in love for 3 and half years and we lived together almost 2 and half year. He used to care me more than his own life. He used to love me and take care of me like a baby. Then suddenly he started to act wired since February and broke up with me in two week back saying he has a new girl friend. But again he started to come back to me 6 days but But finally on the 5 day I figured out he was sleeping with that girl and me at the same time. That girl is known as a very bad girl and my boy friend knows that but still he is with her. That’s little unusual for him. It almost feels like someone did something to him. Then I met prophetharryprayerhome@yahoo.com on internet and I told him everything. PROPHET HARRY asked me for my boyfriend photograph then he advised me some remedies and with in a day my boyfriend come back to me and first time he said sorry to me. I am very happy now:His email is: prophetharryprayerhome@yahoo.com

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