Being A Mom Has Changed My Marriage

motherhood-marriageMotherhood is sweet.  The warm and gentle touch of my baby’s skin melts my heart.  The overwhelming love I have for my son motivates me to be the best mom I can possibly be.  My attention is focused on his every need and want.  I am in tune to his coos, in awe of his smiles, and proud of his development.  He is my baby.

My boy just reached two months!  Although I enjoy being a mother and find it extraordinarily rewarding, it is simultaneously the hardest thing I have ever experienced.  Yet, God gives me all that I need to be able to continue caring for my child.   He empowers me to get up throughout the night, to change another diaper, to go out with spit-up on my clothes, and to sacrifice things I want on a daily basis.  There is so much worth wrapped up in my child that the hard stuff doesn’t compare!

I appreciate all that God has equipped me with for motherhood.  Among the gifts of energy I have received from Him, I have also experienced a bit of reprimand from God since I became a mother, namely in the area of marriage.  Since my husband and I had well over 5 years together before our little one came, I assumed we had our marriage down.  I felt secure in our relationship.  We took the time to get to know each other so intimately that I did not perceive any kind of issues that would arise with becoming parents.  However, just a few hours in and the dynamic of our marriage saw change.

The sleeplessness was a catalyst for attitudes we never thought we had in us.  We miscommunicated often and our frustrations rose.  At one point I had to apologize to my husband for my negative attitude towards him, which was caused by a few things.  As much as I embraced motherhood, I became a little bitter that my husband could not fulfil some of our baby’s needs like I could, such as breastfeeding.  Also, my husband went back to work shortly after we brought our baby home.  I desired to be a stay-at-home mommy and I love every moment I spend with my baby, however in those first few weeks when my body was still recovering and our newborn was needy, I was jealous that my husband got a break, even if it was driving to work.

Among bitterness and jealousy, any frustration that arose from the baby I took out on my husband.  I responded to him with quick, snappy and many times cold responses.

I began to see me and my baby as a team instead of me and my husband.  

The Lord was gracious with me and revealed to me my shortcomings.  I am still working on being a noble wife who respects her husband.  I desire to change my behavior and perspective so that our little boy grows up with a positive view of marriage.

Now that we have had more time to adjust to parenthood, we are learning how to be a family.  The dynamic of our marriage may still see change as we experience different seasons with our child, but we are forgiving with one another.  We are trusting in God as He guides us and surrounds us with love and support from family and friends.  Being parents is bringing change, a change that will refine us in many ways, a change that will deepen our love and allow us the opportunity to get to know each other all the more.

Did you experience a change in your marriage when your first child came along?

If you have any marriage tips for new moms please leave them in the comments below!

– Jennifer Smith   unveiledwife.com

photo credit: unveiledwife

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Comments

  1. Sharon says

    I would certainly echo the sleep deprived emotional roller coaster is a hotbed for tension and miscommunication. However, one of the blessings I discovered was seeing “new” ways to fall in love with my husband. Seeing his loving and tender side and how much he loved our newborn brought out a new admiration and love for him. If I can focus on those things it helps keep the negative thoughts at bay.

  2. Amy says

    I came into my marriage with my 3 year old sweet boy (now 4, from a prior marriage) and we have since added our baby girl who is now 3 months old. So we were newlyweds, trying to learn each other – dated long distance – and he was trying to figure out how to parent this toddler that came with me. =) They have done great! But we certainly had some new growing pains when our daughter was born. The sleeplessness caused me to be irritable towards him – jealous when he would get to sleep – and often times passive aggressive when he was out doing things or relaxing when I was having to care for the baby. However, seeing him with our kids and knowing how hard he works for our family – that caused my love for him to be deeper and stronger. Seeing how he cared for me as I was recovering from having a baby and seeing our little girl light up when he walks in the room, that changed my heart. I would encourage new moms to make time for your hubby – I know you are tired and worn out and probably don’t feel attractive at all. But your hubby needs you to talk to him, tell him how you are feeling and connect with you. Remember that he is on your side and is your best friend. If you are feeling jealous/irritated towards him, talk to him..nothing can be solved by being passive aggressive – trust me! I’ve tried it and it doesn’t work. Pray with each other and reestablish yourselves as a team, learning this new wonderful person God has blessed you with!

  3. Shonda Knowlton says

    I experienced so many of those things too and as you go further along, it changes as well with parenting issues. However, right now with 2 little ones (age 1 and 4), my relationship with my husband is very good! He understands the hard work of being a stay at home mom and he helps me out. My kids really drain me so I’m glad to have his support. I don’t always give my marriage all that it needs which is something I am working on this year, but balancing between wife and mom has been one of the hardest things for me. Your baby is so adorable. So happy for you!

  4. Jen says

    I have 2 and a half year old twins and a 5 month old. I have found the biggest challenge for me is keeping score with my husband and wanting things to be “fair”. We both work full time but when we are home the kids demand more of my time than his. And my chores feel more time consuming than his. I have to actively pray against the bitter root that so easily sprouts and confess to him often. It is so it easy to slip into a tit for tat mentality (“I changed the last three diaper so now it’s your turn” or “I did the dishes so you should have to vacuum”) when in reality we are bothstriping and doing our best to keep our heads above water. I have to remind myself constantly that we are on the same team.

  5. danikaye817 says

    It is almost impossible for a newborn not to affect your marriage, even with the best intentions. I know from experience. I wanted to be a wife and mother for as long as I could remember, so naturally when i became pregnant i was over the moon. Unfortunately, it wasn’t until our third child was born, within three years, and my husband was at the bottom of the toatum pole, that God allowed me to see that I had been greatly neglecting my marriage. After all babies are helpless, he was a grown man, he could take care of himself. But that is not how God intended it. I had to do some soul searching and level with myself. With God’s help, it is a daily struggle, but one that is oh so important. My husband and I were able to repair the damage that had been done and God blessed us with two more babies. We found a babysitter, as hard as it was to leave them at first, it was so necessary. Now we have regular date nights, the girls LOVE their babysitter and our children are reaping the benefits of mommy and daddy’s strengthened relationship. It’s not perfect, and sometimes it is still hard to leave them behind. I am honest with my kids, (men NEED different things than women) quality time is high on that list. It does them no good for mommy to always be home and for daddy to pursue his interests without her. It took a while to learn this, but I’m so glad I did. Honestly, it is AMAZING the difference.
    I want to mention that the book, The Five Love Languages, was instrumental in helping us. With all the littles, clearly I was exhausted. I hadn’t quite picked up on the things that were so important to my husband. (Like quality time) Hope this helps… danielle

  6. Christia Schock says

    Wow thank you for being so authentic today. It is always nice to hear real struggles. We all fall short so thank goodness for Grace. It is hard to apologize especially when we are in a storm. However once we confess ourselves it can be so redeeming.

  7. says

    Recognize that your (and your husbands) sleep deprivation may make you both on edge. Recognize it for what it is and try to be patient with one another. :)

  8. Kelli says

    This is exactly what happened to us except on top of it all, our sweet baby screamed all day and all night for 3 months. :/

  9. Alexis, A Moment with MOM says

    My advice for new Moms, pray together with your husband. You will grow closer together than you ever thought possible.

  10. Laura says

    I know exactly what you’re talking about! After my first son was born I was really resentful toward my husband for being able to leave our house. I too am a stay at home mom and adore being with my babies but it was really hard at the beginning. I wanted a break and felt that I couldn’t have one but my husband could. We had terrible arguments but once we started communicating clearly and listening to each other we resolved our issues pretty quickly. I didn’t realize how much pressure he was feeling to provide for our family and help around the house. I wish I could say that when our second son was born we had a super easy transition but I would be telling a big fat lie. Each addition to our family was difficult but strengthening. Taking the time to listen to each other and clearly communicating your thoughts is very important! Remeber, you and your husband are both equally brand new parents who are treading new waters. God is so very good and provides all that we need when we seek Him. Thank you for sharing! It’s great to know that I’m not the only person who has gone through this!

  11. Sharon says

    I can relate! My husband and I were married just over a year when our first baby arrived. So I feel like we didn’t have tons of time to get married life sorted out before jumping into parenthood. We just had baby #2 two weeks ago and oh my! I get so resentful at the amount of sleep he gets. I hate that I can’t be gone for more than 2 hours at a time because I have to come back and feed the baby etc. And some of the fights we’ve had lately. Yikes! Neither of us does very well with sleep deprivation. Anyways, thanks for your honesty. It makes me feel better and normal. I was beginning to think something was really wrong with me/us.

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