Contentment in the Little Years & Better Mom Mondays Link-up!

October 8, 2012 By Kara Chupp

“Suppose your stories…say that everything should have been different.
Suppose you encourage or even just allow your children to believe that their parents ought to have been different people…with a better chance, born in a better place…
Doesn’t that finally unmake everything that has been made?
Isn’t that the loose thread that unravels the whole garment?

…Sometimes you can say dreadful things without knowing it.” ~Wendell Berry

And I wonder…
Have I said those things?
Without speaking them.

Have I unknowingly said?
I would’ve, could’ve, should’ve, might’ve
Wanted to be somewhere else, somewhere not with them,
Surrounded by little hands and little feet and sticky chair backs.

Have I made them feel it?
That there is something more, something different, that I want–
Something missing–
Unclaimed, thwarted ground–
That I’m longing for?

“If by doing some work which the undiscerning consider not spiritual work I can best help others,
and I inwardly rebel, thinking it is the spiritual for which I crave,
when in truth it is the interesting and exciting, then I know nothing of Calvary love.”
~Amy Carmichael

Because if I’ve said those unsaid words…

With a sigh as I glance at the muddy laundry piles.
Or a scowl as I wash nose prints off the sliding door.
Or a frown when it takes too long for tying shoes.

If I’ve seemed too busy to listen to stories.
Or I appear to count the minutes until naptime.
Or if I’ve pushed away questions with a wave of my hand.

Or if I ever, ever, ever let it seem that my heart is somewhere else.

Forgive me.
I didn’t mean to.
I don’t want to.
Please forgive me.

For I want to dwell in this land that He has provided as a friend of faithfulness (Psalm 37:3).
Strengthened by His power, according to His might, for all endurance and patience with joy (Col. 1:12).
Learning to be content in whatever the situation (Phil. 4:11-12).
That I may finish my course and the ministry I received from the Lord…so that I may testify to the gospel of the grace of God (Acts 20:24).

This
Is what I want.
It’s what He’s given me,
These incredible years with you…
That are passing too quickly already.

“If we had the least notion of God’s lovingkindness and tender mercy,
His fatherly care for His poor children, His generousity, His beautiful
plans for us; if we knew how patiently He waits for our turning to Him,
how gently He means to lead us to green pastures and still waters, how
carefully He is preparing a place for us, how ceaselessly He is ordering
and ordaining and engineering His Master Plan for our good-if we had any
inkling of all this, could we be reluctant to let go of our smashed
dandelions or whatever we clutch so fiercely in our sweaty little hands?…
If with courage and joy we pour ourselves out for Him and for others for
His sake, it is not possible to lose, in any final sense, anything
worth keeping. We will lose ourselves and our selfishness. We will
gain everything worth having.” –Elizabeth Elliot

These lines have fallen for me in pleasant places (Is. 26:3).
His beautiful threads that have woven us into a family.

And in His intimate knowing-ness,
Because He sees those deepest places,
Of what would really make me–
Live.
And love.
And give.
And learn.
And need.
And trust.
And grow.
And shine for Him.

He knew it would be–
This.

In this appointed time and place and season of these Little Years.
Only let each person lead the life that the Lord has assigned…
And to which God has called (1 Cor 7:17).

“Christian contentment…is the direct fruit of having no higher ambition than to belong to the Lord and to be totally at his disposal in the place He appoints, at the time He chooses, with the provision He is pleased to make.” ~Sinclair Ferguson

So….
If you (sweet child)
Ever think you’ve heard me say–
Or want.
Or claim.
Or desire.
Or strive for….

Something else.
Something different than–
This.

Just know that–

This is what He gave me.
And I want nothing else (not more)…
And for me all else would be less
than…

This.

“Motherhood as a mission field is giving up yourself. Lay yourself down. Sacrifice yourself here, now. Cheerfully wipe the nose for the fiftieth time today. Make dinner again for the people who don’t like the green beans. Laugh when your plans are thwarted by a vomiting child. Lay yourself down for the people here with you, the people who annoy you, the people who get in your way, the people who take up so much of your time that you can’t read anymore. Rejoice in them. Sacrifice for them. Gain that which you cannot lose in them.” ~Rachel Jankovic

Blessings,

Kara @ The Chuppies

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69 Comments | Filed Under: Babies, Boys, Discipling Children, Family Management, Following God, Girls, Homemaking, Hope, Marriage/Relationships, Ministries and Missions, Parenting, Special Needs, Toddlers Tagged With: behavior in children, character training, child behavior, Contentment Series, Defying the Culture, God, God's Word, helping Moms who feel alone, Homeschool, motherhood, parenting, Preparing for Children

About Kara Chupp

Kara is 16-years-married to her husband Jason, one of the funniest and most generous people she knows. They have five kiddos, four here and one in heaven. They also have a muppet-like-mess of a dog, non-breeding Madagascar Hissers (who have had over 100 babies), guinea pigs, and a whole bunch of stick bugs. Kara writes mostly about family, adoption, grief, education, traditions, literature, organization, Heaven, and most-importantly- her love for God. You can find her family adventures at The Chuppies. Google

http://twitter.com/MelissaKNorris Melissa K Norris

I don’t see the linky link?
- http://thechuppies.com/ Kara @ The Chuppies
  
  Hmmnnn…I will check in with somebody who is better about fixing things than I am. Melissa…thank you for letting us know. We’ll get it up and running asap. Sorry about that…
- thebettermom
  
  Melissa I just fixed it! Thank you!
http://www.onefunmom.com Christy

Oh my, Kara. That was so so beautiful and so so convicting. Thank you for this reminder today of all that my children are to me. Thank you for your quotes and your Scriptures and your heart.

I don’t want them to think I should’ve been more or different, and I certainly don’t want to miss out on who they are or these moments. !!!! Thank you!
- http://thechuppies.com/ Kara @ The Chuppies
  
  Thank you Christy friend
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http://www.heddingsomewhere.org/ Chrysti Hedding

Thank you so much for this post today! I really needed to hear this. Blessings to you!
- http://thechuppies.com/ Kara @ The Chuppies
  
  Thank you Chrysti…and thanks for stopping by and taking the time to leave and encouraging comment. Love, K
MomsMustardSeeds

Beautiful reminder, that our hearts are shown…even in a scowl…a moment where I think “Again?”……and I am thankful the Father is so loving….and shares his love and forgiveness…I spend much of the day on my knees…..thank you for this post.
- StefanieYoungBrown
  
  Ditto!! Great post!!
  - http://thechuppies.com/ Kara @ The Chuppies
    
    Thank you Stefanie
    - StefanieYoungBrown
      
      You’re very welcome!!
- http://thechuppies.com/ Kara @ The Chuppies
  
  Had to smile as I read your comment…at breakfast about 45 min. ago…our three year old was trying to pass out extra napkins and accidentally knocked over a glass of OJ….”Again?”
  
  But mine was more like a mental… “AGAIN ?!?”
  
  Still…it’s that moment in there where I’m aware that it’s possible to turn to Him and let the love of Christ control me….because I know He will supply the strength I need to, as you wrote…”share His love and forgiveness”.
  
  Loved your comment…
http://www.toodarnhappy.com/ Kim Hall

“Lay yourself down.” That really speaks to me, Kara. I cringe when I think about the things I didn’t say that I could have, or the poor attitude I projected without saying a word.

It’s a daily process of laying down, forgiving ourselves and asking for forgiveness and grace as we grow in our parenting every day. Thanks for the wonderfully convicting thoughts and positive direction!
- http://thechuppies.com/ Kara @ The Chuppies
  
  Your comment totally resonates with me Kim….and the process of not just walking around feeling guilty or like I am a failure…but going to Him, asking for forgiveness and moving on in His grace when in comes to parenting…but as you noted…with that constant “lay down myself” needed.
MomLaurM

Amen. I am so selfish and too often let my discontentment with the way the day is going transfer onto my poor children in that scowl and tight-lippedness. Lord forgive me for not showing even a little of the grace you have shown to me!
- http://thechuppies.com/ Kara @ The Chuppies
  
  Absolutely know what you mean…I’ve been trying to really think about what even my expressions are communicating to our crew!
  And it does stop me in my tracks when I think about His kindness towards me…
Michelle @ The Willing Cook

Wow, Kara! I am guilty! I struggle so much with my own selfish desires — MY time. I lay my head down on my pillow every night ashamed of how I failed to show Christ to my children again. And I wake up the next morning determined to do better. By the grace of God I will get their some day…I just hope my kids aren’t out of the house by then. Thank you for these encouraging words!
- http://thechuppies.com/ Kara @ The Chuppies
  
  It’s that strange mix of us pressing on, but in His strength…and knowing (clinging to) the fact that He can work despite our failures and even through them.
  
  As I sit here responding, the verse taped up right next to me is 1 Peter 4:11… “whoever serves, as one who serves by the strength that God supplies…in order that in everything God may be glorified…”
  
  I’m with you…thankful for His mercies that are new every morning…and for His great faithfulness. Thanks for stopping by and sharing Michelle…
http://wholenewmom.com/ Adrienne @ Whole New Mom

Love this, Kara. I so need to remember what is important when the busyness of life creeps in. Bless you.
- http://thechuppies.com/ Kara @ The Chuppies
  
  Thank you so much Adrienne…
Aubrie

I just read “Loving the Little Years” by Rachel Jankovic this week, and was so convicted. And now, reading this, the truth is driven home even deeper. Thank you.
- http://thechuppies.com/ Kara @ The Chuppies
  
  I LOVE that book!
  Can you tell?
  She has some great essays that were published on the Desiring God website if you want to find more of her writing…
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Sylvia Phillips

Your post is a thought provoking one for sure! Definitely something I will consider. Sadly, I can think of some regretted words spoken.
- http://thechuppies.com/ Kara @ The Chuppies
  
  Thank you Sylvia…I too can think of many words I wish I could reel back in.
  Makes me so thankful for God’s grace and forgiveness and for His ability to work in our kiddos’ lives even despite my failures.
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http://www.the-cadence.com/ Amanda

Oh! Praying on this today! I so am guilty of this, but, oh, how I don’t want my kids to hear that from me… or, for that matter, the God who gave me all that I have right now. Thanks Kara xo
- http://thechuppies.com/ Kara @ The Chuppies
  
  You’re welcome Amanda and I’m right there with ya… Love, K
Linda Tang

Several years into parenting, I still experience that “stretching” in myself each day and the opportunity (and challenge) to extend to my kids what God has extended to me…grace, patience and mercy. When I respond in ways that are hurtful or am reactive, I have to pray and ask God to remind me of the gift He has given me and that I am to serve Him by parenting with a heart of humility, patience, self control and gratefulness…not just in the easy moments. And He is not asking me to behave any different from how He has treated and approached me. Thank you for this beautiful post.
- http://thechuppies.com/ Kara @ The Chuppies
  
  Linda, this is so good and it’s so true…helps me to think about how He approaches and relates to and loves on…me. And His patience…both convicting and encouraging when I think about how I want to apply that to parenting. Thank you for these words…
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AshlieWrites

Kara, I haven’t been keeping up with blogs/reading lately, but this one caught my eye. SO glad I read it, I know the Lord wanted me to. What a beautiful reminder and conviction that I NEED. I appreciate reading posts that are filled with grace yet pack a punch of truth because my heart so easy goes astray. I appreciate the conviction – I needed this!! I have 1 and 2 year old little girls and #3 is on the way in January. In the past couple of months I’ve been struggling so much with fatigue and just being plain burnt out. My personality is very optimistic, go-getter, goal oriented, etc so this has been a weird and tough season for me. I realize I can probably chalk some of it up to hormones and pregnancy, but this morning during my quiet time, I begged the Lord to show me where I need to make adjustments. To show me where my perspective has waned. This is exactly what my heart needed – a tune up to remind me that yes, while parenting is difficult, it’s a blessing. I’m reminded how incredibly selfish I can be and lose sight of Jesus and the calling He’s placed on my life.

Thank you so much. Blessings!
- http://thechuppies.com/ Kara @ The Chuppies
  
  Ashlie…I am very similar…an upbeat, make-it-happen, persevere, go for the goals sort of person. And our first 3 were also 3 in 3 years. Now our oldest three are almost-12, 10 &1/2 and almost-9…and then we have a little three year old as well now
  
  But if I could go back to those early years…(and this is totally just for me, in our family scenario, with my personality and where I was with the Lord back then)…what I wish I could change is this contentment piece.
  
  I wish I could go back and just settle into that stage, their stage…not push myself and our lives past the pace that really made sense for what life is like with three little ones.
  
  I entered mama-years after teaching high school and then getting very involved with ministries outside of our family (great things and totally fine for many, many people) but I really think some of it for me, stemmed from discontentment with my present, the season He had me in. I loved being a mama and still do, but back then I would let myself think of what I could accomplish when and if they were all a bit older and more independent.
  
  Life with little ones is just a little slower.
  It is a little “sticky-er”
  It flourishes in the pauses and lingering that little kiddos thrive on.
  
  Anyway…none of that may make any sense…but I feel like God has let me wrestle with this over the years…that He’s teaching me to make peace with the season of Little ones and to truly value it. These years have definitely shaped me and and softened me and helped me see my need for Him more than any other time in my life I think
  
  He’s bringing me to a place of contentment…where I’m no longer pushing on, trying to get us quickly to “that next stage”…I SO want to not miss what He has for me & us all in these current moments.
  
  And everyone will say this…but it’s crazy how quickly you turn around and all of them can brush their own teeth, and wipe, and tie shoes, and buckle carseats…and even babysit their siblings. But all that aside, I don’t want to long for or live for the future joys…I want to be all-here in these present ones.
  
  I really really appreciated your comment and will stop and pray God’s wisdom for you in this season…with Little #3 on the way in January. I’m on the 13th…you’ll have to let us know when your baby arrives.
  
  And as a total side note–I really enjoy and appreciate your writing and have read many posts. I know this whole online world is a tricky one to navigate…when is it a blessing? When is it a detriment? Believe me, I consider throwing my computer over the back fence every few days…but as far as the writing…I know He’s gifted you there and I’m going to pray for you what I’ve been praying for myself these last 3 weeks…that like the boy with the fish and loaves, I’ll only offer Him in my writing what I truly have to offer (not borrow from time, people, stages that really aren’t mine to give) and that He’ll use my tiny-offering…however He wants. Because He can make a lot out of nothing
  
  And that’s my novel for the day…
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http://www.livingjoel225.com/ Christine

Kara, I can’t tell you how much I love this post. Just yesterday, I started to add up all the years I will have been mothering, by the time my youngest is 18…and it added up to 32 continual years. I nearly fell over and thought, “I can’t do it 5 more years – much less 16!”

God knew I needed to read your post today! It is just beautiful… “These lines have fallen for me in pleasant places (Is. 26:3).” Indeed they have – thank you for helping me see it.
- http://thechuppies.com/ Kara @ The Chuppies
  
  Thank you so much Christine…
  
  Okay…so I’ll admit that I went and snooped around your site a bit before replying
  There’s just something about a mama-with-lots-of-mama-experience that I’m drawn to.
  And that Joel verse…God restoring the wasted years…
  I had to copy and paste your comment…because that is the huge HOPE when we all look back and think of the ways and days we’ve wounded and shown discontentment…
  Those days when we really see how much we need His mercy and rescue and redemption.
  
  “God has led me through the fire,
  and by His grace it didn’t consume me, instead, it taught me His nature. This is
  my offering to Him.” ~Christine
  Because that’s all any of us can really say or do when we look back…and as we look forward…we cling to Him…praying to recieve His plan, His blessing, the lines He draws…with contentment and thanksgivining and a desire to bring Him glory, to shine His light in the here & now.
http://www.joyfilleddays.com/ Sarah Beals

Just reading this post this morning. Thank you. I am sure that I have “communicated” that I wanted something else w/o realizing the implications on my kids hearts. Very wise words, friend. Thank you.
- http://thechuppies.com/ Kara @ The Chuppies
  
  Thank you Sarah…thankful for your friendship…Love, K
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Jaime Gomes

Thank you, Kara! I tried to read this yesterday . . . three times. I finally made it through the entire thing today, because I’m in the thick of all you described. Sometimes, even as I grumble in my heart, I know it’s wrong, I despise it, I know I’m getting in the way of the peace and joy God wants for me. I’ll be reading this daily for awhile, even if it takes me four tries.
- http://thechuppies.com/ Kara @ The Chuppies
  
  I always appreciate your heart for your kiddos Jaime…it shines through when you post the photos and their sweet (and funny) comments. And you are definitely in the THICK of it with all those little guys
  Thanks so much for all the encouragement! Love, K
tennille2k

Kara, I wanted to complain about this post and to disagree with you. (A sure sign that I needed it!) Shouldn’t we have other desires? Should we be content to be mom and that’s it? But I realized that my kids really don’t care about what my goals, dreams, and ambitions are. They don’t care about what I have done or what I hope to do once they are grown. I am important to them simply because I am their mom. They will only remember me by what I did as their mom, nothing else matters. Thanks for spurring us on to love and good deeds.
- http://thechuppies.com/ Kara @ The Chuppies
  
  Oh Tennille…how I can relate
  So much about being a mama is that “laying down of self”…I think God has used parenting and marriage and Selah’s death…more than anything in my life, pulling me closer to Him, helping me to see how selfish I really am and how much I NEED Him.
  
  And I don’t think it’s that we have to completely lay all of those goals and dreams and ambitions and enjoyments to the side when we enter the mama-years (otherwise I wouldn’t be writing posts and sharing them over here)…but I’m just so aware of how easily and quickly I communicate to the kiddos (without even meaning to) that they are somehow interrupting “my plan”.
  When really…God knew that for me…they would be the best plan for my life.
  
  I’m learning to trust God to develop and bless those other areas as I find contentment in this valuable and fleeting role that He gave me as their mama and I’m really trying hard not to borrow time or energy to spend on the “other areas”… if it really isn’t mine to give…if it means that in order to do that, I have to miss out on these mama-years or if I find myself showing a heart of discontentment…if that makes any sense?
  
  Because this window of time in their lives is so so short. I want to really be here, present, enjoying them, investing in them…
  It’s crazy to be at this place where Laura can babysit…
  And I can tell that you LOVE your kiddos…tons…and I absolutely LOVE the little things that you share that they say and do…they often make me laugh out loud
Denise Oldham

Thanks for sharing.
- http://thechuppies.com/ Kara @ The Chuppies
  
  Thank you so much for stopping by Denise… Love, K
http://lauraboggess.com Laura Boggess

Kara, this is so good. That Wendell Berry sure has a way with words . I want to too. May my words edify and build up my children and all my life touches. Amen!
- http://thechuppies.com/ Kara @ The Chuppies
  
  Thank you Laura… I’m aiming for more Wendell Berry books in the near future
  I loved his concept of what-we-speak-without-even-knowing-it…I know I’m always communicating something….praying it’ll be as you wrote…for building up and edifying and showing love.
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Shari Miller

Kara this post was beautiful. You’ve captured the way my heart has felt many times. Thank you for reminding us of what really matters.
Blessings~
Shari
- http://thechuppies.com/ Kara @ The Chuppies
  
  Thank you Shari…
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