When Motherhood Is Not Ideal

September 13, 2012 By

Bet I caught your attention with that title, huh?

It’s not what you think — or is it? Before you became a mom (or if you are not yet a mother) I bet you had an image in your head of what motherhood would look like.

In a word, perfect. Right? We thought of all the positive and good (and easy) elements of being a mother; starting with the title.

But as you went through countless, sleepless nights, raging hormones which lead into toddler tantrums (yes, they exist), sibling rivalry, and strong wills, the picture of perfection became tainted. You wondered if you could do anything right, and because of that false ideal of perfection, you believe you’re doing everything wrong.

Parenting is like a marriage commitment. It’s a “for better or worse” kind of commitment. And you don’t necessarily need to leave home to give up. You just need to “check out”. Pour yourself into something other than the gift of mothering and you give up, settling for something easier.

But you lose the reward in the end and the trade off is not worth it.

There is no “ideal motherhood”. I think the sooner we embrace that truth, the quicker we can get back to pouring into our children and accepting motherhood for what it is: beautifully imperfect.

If we are constantly focusing on trying to perfect the imperfections of motherhood, it will build nothing more than constant dissatisfaction.

Instead, focus on the beauty of it. Put your energies into making memories that last and laughing big belly laughs.

Hard work is inevitable. There is no way around that if you are looking to raise children with a strong love for the Lord. But pouring our energies into all the negatives will drain us and frustrate our children.

You’d be surprised at what intentional time spent with your children will do for their direction and behavior. When they feel loved by us showing it, they have a strong sense of security. And we all know, love is spelled T-I-M-E.

What can you do to to shift your focus from the less than ideal, to the beauty of mothering?

By Christin, Joyful Mothering

This post was shared at: Homestead Barn Hop, GraceLaced Link-Up, Welcome Home Mondays, Modest Mondays, Soli Deo Gloria, On Your Heart Tuesdays, Titus 2sdays, Titus 2 Tuesdays Link-Up, Domestically Divine, Creative@Home Wednesdays, Works for Me Wednesday, Homemaking Link-Up, Living Well Wednesdays, Simple Lives Thursdays, 


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7 Comments | Filed Under: Discipling Children, Following God, Parenting
About Christin

Christin is wife to a compassionate, God-fearing man, and mother to 2 gracious girls and 3 busy boys. She tries to see the beauty in the simple things and appreciates a good cup of coffee. She is learning to live everyday with joy, find gratitude in the mundane, and speak words of grace. You can find Christin writing through her days on Joyful Mothering, helping women in blogging and conversing on twitter.

  • Linda

    I was a liitle older than most when I became a mother(35). I think I had a slightly different expecation of it than if I had been in my 20′s. Of course there have been things I didn’t expect(like food allergies), but I knew it would be hard. Now in my mid 40′s with an almost 10 and an almost 7 yr old, I am dealing with the unsettled feelings that comes with my age, and having to work even harder to have a good temperment. At the same time, I’m glad that I was a little older when I became a mom because of the perspective it gives(even though I will be close to 60 when my youngest graduates from high school!)

  • Tonya

    This is beautiful…..and so true. I am going to be 40 in a few weeks and have a very rambunctious and wonderful 4 year old son and an adorable 10 month old baby girl. I transitioned from a “working woman” to a “work from home Mom” when my daughter was born. Every day is an adventure and sometimes a challenge….and there have been days when I felt like a complete failure at the end. However, I am learning to enjoy things more and stress less. Our children are small for a very short time and I want to cherish every moment…..even when they are imperfect! :)

  • Rachel

    I soooo needed this reminder. What a burden lifter. I try to make sure that Im on top of every single little mishap from the kids that I end up micromanaging them and they don’t know which way to turn….exasperating them. Not what God expects. My husband and I have been intentional about more family/memory making with our kids, alot more time with them individually, and more laughing. Thanks for speaking this to us moms, who have a tendacy to want to control, when God is the one who can only control.

  • http://www.servingjoyfully.com/ Crystal

    Great post! The funny thing for me is that I didn’t go into it with the “ideal” at all…that’s why I didn’t want to be a mom! lol. Before I became a mom, I only saw the post-honeymoon stuff. All the hard stuff. I had absolutely no concept of the good stuff. But, God knows our hearts and desires even better than we do, and He knew that I needed to be a mama :) Blessings to you!
    PS–I COMPLETELY agree about the spending intentional time with your kiddos!

  • Valerie

    Christin, this is fabulous. I would like to quote you again. I will link to right here on The Better Mom. Thanks so much for encouraging me with this! {Hugs}

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  • Julie Leischner

    oh goodness…I was thinking this might give me permission to say I’m overwhelmed and need to get away from it all for a few days! So to answer your question…to focus to the beauty of mothering…I’d probably need to get my 6 year old potty trained and to get her to stop pouring water everywhere. After 15 years of full time mommying… what I need is a break:)