I Choose to Fight {Candace Cameron Bure}

August 7, 2012 By Ruth Schwenk

Today we are thrilled to have Candace Cameron Bure as our guest! Here is a little bit about Candace

Actress, Producer, New York Times’ bestselling author, and international speaker Candace Cameron Bure is both outspoken and passionate about her family and faith.

With a successful television and movie career that started at the age of five and continues to flourish today, Candace knows that the greatest success in her life has been that of her marriage to Valeri Bure and their three children, Natasha, Lev and Maks.

Her desire is to minister to the hearts of women so they might pursue wholesome values that nurture and reinforce the family unit; that modern women would be bold enough to stand against the negative message our culture tends to reflect, and embrace the women we were created to be.

You can find information about Candace on her website Roo Mag or follow her on Twitter.

Candace writes:

I am failing my family.

Sounds dramatic and it is. There is no catch. NO secondary line to soften it up and make light of it.

I am failing my children.

I've been doing what I thought was my best to raise my kids in a Christian home despite not being raised in one myself. My husband is a believer of 8 years but still trying to find himself as our spiritual leader. I try my best to be the example to them as a woman, wife, mother and role model, effortlessly falling short in some way every day while letting life get the better of me and my self control.

Here's where I've ended up:

I used to read my kids bible stories every night. I used to make games out of memorizing scripture. I used to test them on bible facts over dinner giving them prizes if they got the answers right. I used dance around the house singing worship songs and inviting them to play along with me. I used to buy them a bible study and devotional each year in hopes of them spending time with the Lord each morning on their own. I used to go over their questions and answers with them when they did. I used to pray individually with them each night before bed.

And somehow, as my kids became preteens and teenagers, I've slacked. Attitudes seem to be the norm at this age, but the disrespect and disobedience shouldn't be. Not if my kids know Christ. I don't expect perfection and do expect mistakes, but what I don't understand is the lack of humility and remorse. No, not by the way I've raised them… not by the things I've taught them for the last 13+ years. Sure, there are always glimpses of goodness but they seem to be getting farther and fewer as time goes on. Since when did my child become "that kid" ?

My heart aches, my heart cries, my heart screams out….

Why? Where did I go wrong? Why isn't this working out the way I thought it would? What's the deal?

The deal?

Is me.

When did I stop reading the bible to my kids? When did I stop encouraging them along in their faith? When did I think their Christian school would be the influence? When did I let youth group become the teacher? When did I think that by letting them see me do my bible study every day it would be enough and not have to do one with them? When did I stop getting involved because I "hoped" they would take the lead on their own?

There's never been an easy time to raise children or teenagers. With each decade comes new challenges that grandparents didn't experience with their kids. Times are always changing but God's word doesn't. New solutions will arise but God's word always stays the same. So we share, we pray, we encourage one another.

You have encouraged me.

I must be a teacher in my home. I must help my children read the word of God every day. How else will they know it? If they haven't developed their own relationship with Christ at this point, it's only going to get weaker as they get older. I mistook giving them independence for letting go of my responsibilities. The cycle stops here.

Praise be to God for showing me my failure. Praise be to God for giving me grace. Praise be to God for giving me the tools to raise Godly children. It's all in the bible. We have to read it. We have to discuss it. We have to apply it. We have to live it.

DAILY.

You learn a new habit by repeating it day after day. How will my kids know God if I'm not teaching them every single day? There are no excuses. There is not a big enough event. There isn't too much homework. There isn't an important enough hockey game. There isn't too little time in the day. There aren't too many meetings. If I don't fulfill this calling, I'm not only failing my family, but failing my responsibilities before God.

Thank you to all my blogger friends for encouraging me with your posts. Thank you for helping me recognize my faults and pointing me in the direction I need to go. I'm thankful for this community. I pray that you too will be encouraged to know you're not alone. I pray that you'll be nudged out of your comfort zone. Many of us well intentioned moms stumble along the way. Just remember that all the compliments from others doesn't mean there aren't places to improve. It's easy to hide behind the best parts of life we choose to show each other on Facebook. I pray that like me, you too will be convicted to get off your seat and make no excuses to read the bible to your kids. Everyday.

Let's hold each other accountable.

"We do not want you to become lazy, but to imitate those who through faith and patience inherit what has been promised." Hebrews 6:12

Blessings,

Candace

76 Comments | Filed Under: Discipling Children, Following God, Hope, Parenting, Uncategorized

About Ruth Schwenk

Ruth is the wife of a pastor, who is her best friend and the love of her life. She is a blessed homeschooling mother to her four beautiful children, and she eagerly awaits meeting her five others in heaven. She has a passion for following God, leading worship, rescuing orphans, and inspiring others to create a God honoring family.

She thoroughly enjoys warm spring breezes, blooming lilacs, tall skim mochas with whipped cream, root-lifter, eye cream, gel polish, laughing (lots of it), venti iced teas, exclamation points!!, family worship time, and snuggling up to read a good book with her family.

She is the creator of The Better Mom and she tweets at thebettermom.

Melanie

Thanks for your honesty and openness, Candace. Be blessed!
Angelajohnston78

Great post. I felt as if your were writing it right out of my own heart. Thank you for inspiring me to get back on track with what really matters.
Tess

I’ve been there…and my kids are now 21 and 23, so I am past my best influencing time…but I can still give them truth and live it out. If you are wondering how your kid became “that kid” I recommend reading John MacArthur’s “The Vanishing Conscience”. It showed me how the world has seared our children’s conscience so that remorse and humility are non-existent in their generation. It helped me to understand my kids just a little bit more and try to counteract what they had been taught by the world. Thanks for your honesty! Keep pressing on! 21 and 23 come far too soon!
- Kali
  
  Tess, no matter what ages your kids are.. they are not beyond the reach of Godly parental influence. Trust me on this one. Just keep praying and trusting in God.
thechattymommy

Thank you for this. I have one soon to be teen and I can’t believe the change. I also have 3 younger ones and can’t believe I will one day go through it with them as well. The calm, nurturing mom I used to be has been exchanged for a yeller that reminds herself Christ wouldn’t want me to drink or take medicine to calm myself. Ok- so joking on that last part, but that is what it seems like at times. I am caught off guard that my child is doing saying the things I said I would never allow, so it is almost like I am unsure how to parent at these times.
I am taking the time to regroup with prayer, the word and quiet time at night and in the morning to remember the vision I once had and still have for my children.
It is nice to know I am not alone.
Thanks for holding me accountable.
Praying for your kids and you as well.
They are so worth it!
God is so good.
http://www.toodarnhappy.com/ Kim Hall

Beautifully said. We are hopeful that our children will use those wings to move forward in the deepening of their own faith, but they are not ready for solo flights yet. In spite of their often harsh words to the contrary, they do need us and they do love us. They do hear what we say and especially watch what we do. If we put hockey or work or anything else before our calling, we are indeed failing at our calling.
Although my children are young adults, I am friends with many moms of teens, and may very well be working with our teen youth group this year. This is an important message I can share with those parents! Thank you for the encouragement.
Rachael Kiefer

Thank you for this! I needed to hear/read that I am not the only one going through this with my kiddos (12 & 13). I feel like I am failing so much. I have, but I am prepared to do what I am called to do. Thank you!!!
Angel

Wow!!! I just finished my devotional time with my daughters..ages 8 & 6. Let me also add that that was the 3rd time this summer we spent time in the word together at the breakfast table, something we did everyday of the school year. When did I decide we could take a vacation from being in the word. I was extremely convicted of this myself the past few days and today I decided to reclaim my time. It’s so important to be honest and authentic in our walks with God before our kids…it’s too easy to get off track. Way. To. Easy. Thank you Candace and all of you amazing women sharing these struggles honestly through your blogs. Authenticity is encouraging. It’s so important to stay connected to other moms going through the same struggles who are also honest enough to admit it. Thanks so much! One question though…I am trying to find a new devotional for my girls or bible study for us to do together…any suggestions? I would love to hear feedback!! Have a blessed day!!

Prov 27:17…thank you ladies!
Angel M
- thebettermom
  
  Hi Angel! Thank you for your kind and encouraging words! We did just release a Bible Study for kids called The Dig for Kids. The first volume is out and goes through the first half of the book of Luke. You can check it out at http://www.thedigforkids.com. Blessings! ~Ruth
  - Rene
    
    I’m in the same boat…wish there was a book for me to get back into the word with my girls ages 20 and 25…now I have a grandaughter and am hoping I can get back into the groove of teaching her Gods word
Joy

Thank for this, Candace. I think we all feel this way from time to time and I appreciate your honesty. Yes, let’s do this together! I think that is a huge blessing that comes from the blog world…we can all keep each other accountable no matter how far or near. It is inspiring to know that we are all in this together, fighting, side by side. Hang in there. Praying for you, dear sister.
Dmarin77

Candace, I get what you are saying, I do. I have two teenagers and a 2-year-old. But, ease up just a bit. Kids more than anything learn by seeing you walk the talk in your own life. I am not saying that this conviction you have is a bad one…I think it is an awesome one. But with it, just don’t let the devil win and make you feel horrible inthe process. Life and especially our time with God ebbs and flows. We can’t always be at the height of it or there would never be another high. You sound like you are doing an amazing job already so you don’t have to add a million and one things to a checklist to make sure they get done for God. God isn’t usually as prevalant as much on a checklist as He is just in your heart, which your daily living overflows from. Do you listen to these things that have hit your heart? Yes. But don’t be a slave to them. You are already an amazing Mom! How do I know? Because you are concerned about all of his to begin with! God bless you and your family!
- http://twitter.com/candacecbure Candace Cameron Bure
  
  Thanks Dmarin77 for your encouragement. I assure you the Devil hasn’t won or made me feel horrible. I feel more blessed than ever that God brought this conviction upon me. And like you said, I know I am blessed because these things concern me! I don’t feel as if I need to be perfect or add to the checklist, but truly honestly know in my heart I haven’t been doing what my family needs me to do. I’ve been shown the importance of raising Godly children, which became less of a priority the last few years. I’ve seen great changes not only in myself but in my kids just by reading the word each day to them at breakfast or lunch time. I never knew the breakfast table could be a place to read the bible together! haha= knew concept I learned from the blogger world. God bless you too!
  - Kali
    
    Praying for you and your wonderful family Candace….God bless you all..
Petalsoffaith [Cheryl]

Awesome Word! Bless you for your openness. Father, help all mothers to not only get ahold of this but to walk in it in Jesus name!! God bless you!
Jennifer M

This is where I’m at also :/
Great post
http://twitter.com/LoveGodGreatly Angela

Thank you so much for your transparency today, Candace……let me encourage you and say that we’ve all felt that way at times. You are not alone! But yes, being in God’s Word EVERYDAY as a mom and sharing it with our children is sooo important. One of the many things that I LOVE about our Lord is that EVERYDAY is a new beginning, so yes, we will mess up from time to time but when we turn to God and seek Him, He will direct us and make our paths straight. Proverbs 3:6 & 16:3
Brooke Kamps1113

Thank you for the encouragement I have failed in this area more times that I’d like to remember .
Sbamsrusso

My children are young adults now (20, 22, and 24) and I find that there’s no one to talk to about it. My friends either have young children and can’t really relate (as if I’ve probably just done something wrong), or they’re older and say, “Oh they’ll grow out of it.” It’s frustrating. It’s not OK with me when they’re disrespectful and roll their eyes when I mention church or devotional reading or anything like that. I don’t know what to do because shoving it down their throats I don’t feel is the answer and ignoring it gives the impression that if they don’t care, I don’t care and that’s not true. Very hard time right now and this was a wonderful thing for me to read today. Thanks for sharing.
- Thecatcrew06
  
  I have 4 children ages 14, 16, 23, and 25. They are all walking with the Lord except my 25 yr.old. She has been out on her own since graduation, first to college and now finished and working and she chooses not to line up with the things of God. She knows what I stand for and I rely on the Holy Spirit to show me when I can say things about the way she is living. It’s very hard because I love her and want her to do what’s right. I don’t always give my opinion on things because I think it’s important to still have a relationship with her and remain in contact which I know would cease if I was always “preaching” to her. She isn’t disrespectful to me, she just does her own thing. I think the important thing is to rely on the Holy Spirit to guide you.
  - Pam
    
    Praying for your daughter & your comfort.
http://thesierramama.wordpress.com/ Erica

Thank you so much for you honestly! I have two boys ages 12 and 10 and I am dealing with what you spoke of and you are right.. the deal is ME and I also choose to fight!

Thank you for your willingness to share this and encourage others. I appreciate this post so very much!
http://www.servingjoyfully.com/ Crystal

So true!!! I try to do a lot of things with my kids to lead them in the right way and make Christ be the focus in our lives, and not just something we fill in around the edges. I know there is so much more I could be doing to impress that upon them. But, for me it comes back to making Christ the focus, the reason for everything I do, and what we do as a family, and our goals. He should be my motivation. Blessings to you… It’s awesome to see you using your platform to inspire women to seek God in their lives!
http://twitter.com/tmackfam Amanda Mack

Super Transparent!! Thank you for sharing and its so rare we women let others know how we REALLY feel. I have been there often myself two teens…. two elementary age. Talking with mature women of God who have been there definitely helps. I have noticed though……Often God reveals to us what is needed MOST through the actions of our children. Its ever changing and focus is different but then so are we as we grow an mature. So, look on the bright side GOD loves you so much and your children that He allowed you to see the focus for your family needed some changing!!! Its a GOOD thing GIRL )
Corrine

Thank you, Candace, for your openness and honesty about this. A big reminder for me, as my kids are still young, that I am failing as well. I have to do better. Thank you!
Daynatitus

I agree with it all except I don’t think it has to be tied into a specific religion – where does that leave those of us who are not “believers”, Candace? I’m a mom of 3. Ages 19, 13 and 4. Let me tell u what it takes:

Involvement

Involvement

Involvement

Ever heard of helicopter parenting? Yup, that is me.

My kids rarely go to other homes, instead playdates tend to be at my house. I check in with my kids (even my 19 yr old who no longer lives at home) constantly.

I talk to my kids CONSTANTLY.

I get feedback from their friends parents sometimes on how they behave when I am not around.

I am Jewish. Needless to say – Christ did not show us the way. I did.

Not to at ALL diminish anyone’s belief system! But don’t think religion will put your kids back on track – your hovering motherhood and constant monitoring of them will.

It is not easy – it is not fun – we are not our kids friends. My kids have never been in trouble and my son was very successful in high school and is about to start college while holding a full time job all summer living on his own.

Best of luck. I feel for you, and hope you can get back on track.
- http://twitter.com/candacecbure Candace Cameron Bure
  
  Daynatitus, Thank you for your reply! While I do agree that you can raise good kids within different religions, my soul purpose as a mother is for my kids to know Christ. I actually do have well behaved kids by the world’s standard and get compliments about them almost each time we go out. I probably fall into a helicopter kind of mom as I’m very involved and protective, doing many of the same things you listed above. But my journey as a mom goes beyond that. I want to train them up to be disciples of Christ. My prayer is that they would live their lives in a deep relationship with God, securing their eternal salvation and sharing the gospel with others. I feel a great kinship to all my Jewish friends, and by adoption I am Jewish because Jesus was. I pray all people will come to know Messiah. Blessings to you
  - Daynatitus
    
    Candace, that is great! I might be confused then – I wasn’t sure what you meant when you referred to one of your children as being “that kid” or you as a mom having failed them. I know you don’t want to get specific online. I guess I read between the lines and thought you were implying a problem or issue (obviously common with teens!). Having two teenagers I see a lot of what their friends have experienced and it’s VERY scary to see what happens now, and how quickly some kids get off track. I have taken it upon myself to talk to some of my kids friends and at the risk of getting a call from an angry parent, try to help that child when it was clear they were in trouble. Being a mom, sometimes it’s hard not to be a mom to a child who is not mine who is in dire straits. I will never regret helping those children in need.
    
    I see a lot of parents giving their kids way too much freedom from a young age. I see parents allowing their kids unlimited control over television viewing choices, and use the internet in their rooms unsupervised – it’s a very different world from how we grew up, and the external influences can be horrible. Parents tell me “let them do it- they’re going to do it, see it, experience it at a friend’s house anyway” – doesn’t fly with me. When I grew up, my parents didn’t worry about the internet because it didn’t exist. I watched an array of wholesome TV sitcoms like “Full House” – maybe you’ve heard of it? Try to find that kind of normalcy on TV today, it doesn’t exist, it’s been replaced with reality TV. I had a conversation with a very well known Bay Area psychiatrist and family friend who calls reality TV “histrionic” and “dangerous” to our children. I always sensed that, but to hear a professional call it that was alarming. My kids have never been allowed to watch reality TV. And as for the internet, only in public areas of my house, and I primarily just let them “Skype” with good friends who I trust and know very well.
    
    There are so many aspects to parenting, and yes, I do believe religion is something to be instilled on our children – I do at home and my 13 year old will be bat mitzvah’d in Israel in April with my family present, which I’m so looking forward to.
    
    I suspect you are on the right track and probably beating yourself up a bit like we ALL do. I’d love to chat with you some more, you sound like a wonderful mom, and I think my kids are a bit older than yours and perhaps I can give you some ideas that have worked very well for my kids that (not that you haven’t already gotten great advice!). My mission in life is to raise responsible, compassionate, children who turn into adults who contribute to society in all ways.
    
    That said, I have had many sleepless nights wondering “did I do everything I should have?” and “what could I maybe do differently or better?” No one is perfect – though we all try so hard!
    
    xo
    Dayna
    by email: daynatitus at me dot com
  - Guyanese
    
    Candace I agree with you 100%! Training your kids to be
    Godly children is the best thing you can do. I am 21yrs old and a preacher’s
    kid, and I can’t imagine my life without Christ. Thanks to my parents who train
    me that way. I realized life is MORE than just “being good” meaning: “I don’t
    smoke, I don’t use drugs and I’m not having sex.” Yes, those stuff are
    important but we also need Jesus to guide us in making the right decision in
    everyday life. We need know that there is someone we can turn to when we don’t
    know where else to turn. We need to know that there is a God bigger than or
    problems, A comforter, A provider. I can go into more details, but I’ll stop
    here for now.
Melissa D

Blessings to you Candace! My children are just 1½ and 3½, and they have already revealed how quickly my slacking lets them slide into sin! I *know* that parents are crucial, important and irreplaceable to children, but I never knew just HOW important and irreplaceable: DAILY! Not just daily, but moment by moment they need us, or they go to sin! My 3½ daughter slips so quickly into disrespect, secretiveness, rudeness and bullying when I go just a few days without living the Word in ways she can see it (specifically Bible reading and quality time discussing and playing together).

Thank you SO MUCH for your honesty and not being afriad (perhaps you were, but you posted anyway) of criticisms on this topic. We need to know our failures, and I too praise the Lord for revealing them–for if we don’t know them, how can we grow??

Much love, Sister in Christ.
Melissa
Cred3j4

A really wonderful study for parenting teens (and any age group) is Age of Opportunity by Paul David Tripp. My husband and I are going through it now, and it has really opened our eyes to how we should embrace these often dreaded years of parenting. This study has helped us realize that as our children struggle for independence, they are also struggling for security and guidance. At a time when we may tend to start letting our children go their own way, they actually need us more than ever. We have to be careful not to let idols of comfort, control, appreciation, respect, etc. blind us to our call to parent. These are the moments God made parents for. I highly recommend this book/study to anyone with pre-teens, teens, or young adult children.
- http://twitter.com/candacecbure Candace Cameron Bure
  
  Looking forward to reading it!
http://www.thissimplehome.com/ Thissimplemom

My oldest is five, but I felt I could have written this…Thank you!
Myra

I am there with you. It’s so easy to just put things off due to being “busy”, but our children need us to be the example in their lives. I am choosing to move forward and begin again!!
Joanne13

At a time we’re all feeling REALLY ‘burnt out’ and tired this article (your heart) has refreshed me! THANK YOU! I’m a grandmother of 4, long ago having given up responsibility for my adult children. But they still ‘see me’, still ‘hear me’, STILL ‘need me’…. to be an example!

Reading your article has made me think deeply about myself, about how I need to change, to grow. It encourages me to stay in the fight too. I’m weary…weary of hearing about and seeing on TV and reading in articles how DEPRAVED our society AND our government has become. It causes DEEP GRIEF in my spirit and wears me OUT. On top of those cares so many family ‘things’ happened over the last several years, sick and dying parents, guardianship’s, court battles, saying ‘good-by’, death and it’s after math, just SO MUCH to handle with it never seeming to stop. I’m letting that fatigue and disappointment effect even my relationships with my family. I’ve pulled away, become depressed and withdrawn. I see it and your words are like cool, refreshing water to my soul. THANK YOU Ruth!

It’s time we all, mothers & grandmothers picked up the staff so to speak and lead again by example!

May God RICHLY Bless & Keep You!
- http://twitter.com/candacecbure Candace Cameron Bure
  
  Thank you Joanne! I pray too that grandparents will continue to take a leadership role not only with their children, but grandchildren! We need you to come alongside us to keep encouraging and teaching our children. In titus, God called the older women to teach the younger women. We need each generation! Bless you.
Annette

I get the whole “failing” part. I have no idea where I went wrong… my daughter (age 25) has said now for the past 5 years she is an athiest. This from the girl who use to go to sleep at night clutching her little bible because it made her feel closer to her papa bob who died. I dont know where I went wrong at all!! The teenage years were hard, age 14–16 was a nightmare! All I can do is pray about it and hope she returns to having some faith.
- http://twitter.com/candacecbure Candace Cameron Bure
  
  Keep praying, every night for her. Hold onto God’s promises.
- Pam
  
  Praying for your daughter, Annette & for your hurting heart.
Kelly

I’m in the exact same place, and praising God for showing me where I have been missing it. He reminded me that even though they are teens (13 and 15) I have plenty of time to get back on track and impact their lives with the same passion I showed them when they were younger.

I think it can be hard as they get into middle and high school, to feel as though we have missed out, when we do still have years of time to influence them. Praying for you- and for me! Thank you so much for your transparency. I can tend to think I am the only one who is feeling this way.
Kim

very encouraging an eye opening for me. Thank you!
kristine

so i’m not a mother, but i am a product of a Christ-less home; i’ve only been saved for 2 years, and i’m having feelings that are definitely opening me up to marriage and motherhood, despite the constant turmoil i’ve experienced watching my parents as i’ve grown. thank you so much for the insight on what being a Christian mother should look like–these are invaluable lessons that i’m just learning now, and through reading things like this, my Bible, and mentorship, i wholeheartedly believe that i won’t be woefully unprepared to enter into that part of life…
Mica

“Just remember that all the compliments from others doesn’t mean there aren’t places to improve.” I’m not going to say this to try to minimize your convictions. But I will say that you HAVE laid the groundwork for your children’s faith. It just so happened that I just finished your book, Reshaping It All, TODAY. And so a line that you yourself wrote sticks out (though I returned the library book and won’t be able to quote you perfectly. You said that we should remember that our job is to plant the seed, not to win debates, I think it was. You have planted the seed in your children and continue to. At some point, your kids are going to NEED independence in order to make their own decisions. I was raised in a Christian home and I can tell you that you have done far more than many if not most Christian families for their kids. And it will be up to them which way they go. I agree with others below that the most powerful thing we can do for our kids (and husbands) is just to pray for them, pray the Scriptures. I have many more comments I could go on with, but basically I want this to be a small encouragement to you. Please do step up your efforts, if you wish, in a calm and loving manner. But don’t berate yourself anymore. God gave us free will, and that includes your children. Thanks for what you do, by the way. Enjoyed the book!
http://joyfulmothering.net Christin

Wow. Thank you for holding up the mirror for me. Seriously. I needed it. We are squeaking back into these things because I know they matter — but somewhere down the line, I read somewhere that they don’t matter. It went something like this, “Nothing you do can ‘save’ your children.” While that’s true, what we FAIL to do can certainly lose them. Thank you for your courage Candace. Bless you.
Paula

I am a mom of a 12 year old and 14 year old and can so relate to how you so honestly shared your heart Candace. It is how I have been feeling lately and am now ready to fight back thanks to your article. Thanks so much.
http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1467796539 Alison Frye

Candace puts in writing what so many of us have in our heads. Let’s not grow weary of the challenge of mothering!
http://gricefullyhomeschooling.com/ Jen G

Thank you Candace… I needed this reminder as well. We do it with our youngest… because he is still young hoping our oldest will read her Bible and devotional each day but all too often I’m sure she forgets. I need to add back that time we had for Bible reading in the mornings. Very important to keep the attitudes away!
http://twitter.com/jengrif2010 Jennifer Griffin

Wow!! I had this EXACT reaction to my failure to my kids this past weekend and Monday morning we started getting up at 7:30 am to read the Bible… we got The Story Teen edition by Max Lucado – which was a unanimous choice since we saw The Story last December. Anyway – I love how God affirms what I felt he said to me by reading your post… It confirms EXACTLY what I felt the other day and I’m praying for us BOTH to stay with it until we help them pack their things for college.

Thanks for trusting us with your journey!
Jen Griffin
http://www.apurposefullife.blogspot.com/ Heather

I agree that as a Christian mother, we want to be doing everything we can to raise our children to know and love the Lord. However, there is a point in a child’s life- usually in the teen, early adult years, when they make their own choices. Even in the best of homes, not every child chooses the way their parents taught them, and we have to be careful not to blame ourselves for their wrong choices.
Blessedwith4kids

Candace, thank you for your honesty. i think just reading what you are going through , helps so many to see that though you are this star from Full house, you struggle. it makes it more real. our oldest is 8 and our youngest is 2, it’s been so heavy on my heart that they need repetition. they need to know that being in the bible will be what gets them closer to Jesus. but they learn by example. you can’t change them, but the holy Spirit can, i think i read in someone’s comment we are not the ones who make the seed grow, one plants one waters, but GOd himself makes it grow. Are we going to fail as parents, yes, and when we do we need to let our children know that we messed up. but we are given our children/family BECAUSE God knows we can do it, with his help. When we come to the point of confessing we’ve messed up but haven’t given up, we still let the ENEMY know we are not his, that our children are not his, that our family are not his. Keep your eyes focused on the cross and keep pleading the blood of Jesus. Keep training them up believing and confessing that thy will not get off God’ path. it’s such an honor to be given God’s gifts to train and to love on! thank you again for sharing your heart.
Pam

I have had this tugging to act on our situation which is similar (15 y/o). I’ve let the nudge get pushed aside in the midst of health & family issues. Your post is a wake-up call. I must be more bold in God’s will. Thank you so much for your honesty & willingness to help others like me with your story.
Cindy Sutherland

I love Candace and enjoy following her walk with the Lord. I’ve raised 4 daughters, now ages 20-30 years old. The teenage years were harrowing but now I see 4 lovely ladies living for the Lord. Formal devotions never worked for us during those years, but if we look at Deutoronomy 6, we can see that if we live and breathe God’s word While we sit, while we walk, while we lie down than the Word will be part of us. The people in Bible times didn’t have access to the Word daily for the most part, so they learned at the temple and memorized it in their hearts and lived it out for their kids. If our children are saved, the Holy Spirit dwells in them as well as us, it is He who will guide them even more than we guide them. Sometimes if we speak too loudly they won’t hear Him. It may be better for children to test and question their faith while still under the protection of our homes than after they become young adults and strike out on their own…still not sure although I feel I learned that by daughter #4.
- http://www.Godsgracefulness.com/ Janice
  
  Solid advice. My mentor have always told me the same thing. As long as the family is spirit filled and doing what you can by being an example, you don’t have to worry. Sure we can read everyday to them, pray for them everyday, memorize scriptures, etc but that isn’t a guaranteed formula.
- Blair
  
  As a Christian who became a believer in college, I want to encourage you that it is not all on your shoulders! Their relationship with Christ is not defined by where they are now, but by Christ himself, and where he is leading. It may be much stronger in their 20s than it is now, so don’t beat yourself up, or try to be the savior of your kids – you can’t and God has already answered that need in Christ. That said, I am right with you: I have three little ones (4 and 1×2) and having not been raised in a believing home (we never read the bible – I didn’t even know they existed outside church until I was almost an adult) I am struggling to build in consistent teaching times and worship times w/o having an internal sense of that rhythm. My eldest son is now asking about Elijah, Moses, David and Ezekiel b/c we are listening to ‘Days of Elijah’ in the car – and I’m struggling to find ways to tell their ‘story’ to a 4 year old (ok, Moses is easy, and some of Elijah’s are easy, but David and Ezekiel are hard, he keeps saying ‘no mom, the LONG story!’) Anyone with advice on how to each bible stories to kids when you’re not reading them, or a book/website that gives good summaries (we have 2 kids bibles but I’m not thrilled with either) that help you tell the hero’s of our faith to kids as engaging stories?
Newsongmusicstudios

Thanks for sharing this! So encouraging. I to am failing my kids. God woke me up about a month ago when I realized my kids saw me in front of my computer all the time but when did they see me reading my bible, praying or helping our neighbors. Now I work in the late evenings when they are in bed and spend more time on our porch during the day playing games with them. I’ve blown the dust off my bible and purchased a new bible study to work on. You know, my kids seem happier. Weird!
http://wifommy.wordpress.com/ Xara

I am almost speechless! Your blog post touched my heart. I have spent the last 24hours worrying about the possibility of my three year old daughter going to all-day Kindergarten in two years, and worrying about outside influences. It wasn’t until I read this wonderful post that I see (again) where I should be investing in my child. I thank God for speaking to me through you. Be blessed.
Sharlavnwk

Lord, thank you thank you thank you…(((Candace))) + (((Ruth)))
Tammy

Candace ~ thank you for sharing. My daughters are still young, but I am already thinking towards their teen years. In a world where our children are exposed to SO much SO early, I feel it is so important to stay active in teaching our children about God & planting His word in their hearts. I want my girls to “hear” God’s words in their heads when they’re faced with challenges, now & in the future.

It hit home when you mentioned others being the ones teaching them! Yikes, that was very humbling to me. Yes I read His words to them, but I have not made it apart of each day this summer (and there is NO reason why). This is just the encouragement I needed to get back on track & I already know what verse I’ll start with…Hebrews 6:12! It’s a great verse to remind us to not be lazy or idle, but to serve God & remember salvation has already been given to us as believers!

I hope you are encouraged knowing that every Mom i know feels they have failed their kids at some time or another (I can seriously think of one a day!), but we must all remember that we are sinners living in a imperfect world. All we can do is pray, stay in God’s word (sharing with our kids & others around us), & loving one another as Christ loved His church! I’ll be praying for you & your family. Thank you for being such an encouragement & may God bless you abundantly!
http://www.theyallcallmemom.com/ They All Call Me Mom

Wow, can I ever relate to this post! I read Bible stories to my little ones…but at what age do I stop? I think right around age 4 or 5 is when I dwindle off. This post makes me realize that I, too, am failing my kids! I don’t want to fail them, and I certainly didn’t plan on failing them….but I am! I have nine children ranging in ages 21 down to 4. They all still live at home, so I’m thinking I’ve still got some time…

I love how honest your post was. Thank you! I was raised in a Christian-Catholic home where going to church on Sundays was a staple in my life, but that was about it. My family never spoke of Jesus outside of church, we never did a family Bible devotion or even prayed together. So now, as a mother myself, it feels very awkward to do so with my own kids. I have no idea how to “lead” a Bible study or devotion in my own family, outside of reading the children’s Bible stories to my little ones. While I might get away with that with my ages 12, 11, 9,7, 5 and 4 year old, I seriously doubt my 21, 19, and 17 year old would take that very seriously! They need a better study, but how? This is where I believe the Catholic Church drops the ball. I don’t have an example of it, so I have no clue.

Any suggestions how someone with no idea on where to start or how to do a devotional or Bible study can do one…without using a children’s devotional bible as reference, LOL….?
- JLEWIS
  
  I know that some of your children are young, but a big help to me was just to read the Bible itself to them and learn verses that they relate to and will understand and explain it as I best knew how. I got a chronological Bible, it takes the Bible and puts in chronological order. If your children ask a question and you don’t know the answer, don’t wing it, be honest and let them know you don’t know, but you will try to find the answer to that.
- Joanne P
  
  Kay Arthur has very good bible studies for kids, which would be good for the kids who can read. She even has one that teaches kids how to study their bibles. I learned a lot from the studies when I did the studies with them. Child Evangelism Fellowship also has a children’s bible that is meant for adults to help prepare for lessons. They have a lot of very good material that makes the lessons interesting for the kids and the adults. It covers very in depth topics in terms that children can understand. The young adults and teens in the home, I’ve read together with them and had a bible dictionary and a concordance right along with us to learn together. We also followed the references that are listed in many bibles along the margins, along the bottoms and learned where the idea came from and what it meant. Then we would talk about it. We’ve also read books such as Chuck Colson’s book “how Now Shall We Live?” so we would understand Christian Worldview and how it applies to all of life. A lot of the books have a study guide with them so guidelines are given and what scriptures to look up. With devotions, we would read a bible chapter, and pray and sing. We’d ask Jesus to guide our time and let Him be the one to teach us and to give us His insight and enable us to apply it. What I’ve learned is to seek to learn how to have Jesus teach my children and He will honor it. Also, to be humble to live out and apply what the bible teaches. Asking for forgiveness, being honest, correcting gently, if not gently saying mom is wrong, and also being in the Word myself and praying myself. We are on a journey where we are learning how to live out our relationship with Jesus and we will make mistakes. When we make mistakes, acknowledge it, confess it to our kids and to God and make things right through actions and listening to the messages we give ourselves. What we think in our head is what we act on. Listen closely, and sometimes give ourselves a timeout to calm down and not react before we regret what we have done or said. I don’t know everything, but I have learned these lessons the hard way, and have learned what to do differently through mistakes. Because, we have to also live out what we learn, and our kids and other people are watching. St Augustine said “Preach the gospels at all times and use words if you must” We are training our kids, and we also have a relationship with our kids. We represent God in a tangible way to our kids by the way we love them, and train them, and teach them. I hope my suggestions help from the mistakes I’ve made and learned from over the years.
Bonnie

Wow, I thought “I” was the only one going through this. I have a 18,16,11 year old. I was faithful when hey were young but have slacked now that they are older. They seeemed so hungry and exicted when they were littles now they seem not intrested in my “Jesus” talk. Of course I keep talking, but find myself being guarded, as to not irritate them. Hormones and independence is challenging. I homeschool two of them, my oldest just graduated, and I want to include a bible study. I give up defeated more than I push through. Ive been praying for a way to have “the word” be deeply rooted. Your post was vey encouraging. I appreciate the honest way you spoke.
Kathleenmcanearsmith.com

Several months ago I walked into a north London church. I was a guest; and as I walked in I heard the voice of my Shepherd, Jesus say to me, “This is your inheritance.” You see, I was a proud mom of my young adult daughter and her husband who are part of an amazing church plant. They were SO excited in reaching out to a community that had seen so much sadness in the life of a young musician around the corner, Amy Winehouse. As I sat still in the seat, waiting for the worship team to begin, a picture came to mind of a day a few short years ago of my daughter as a teen. She was hanging out at McDonalds with kids who liked to behave in crazy ways. I drove that day straight down to the Big Mac and walked right to the table where she sat. “Come on,” I said to my daughter, “Get in the car with me NOW!” I nearly dragged her away from her friends and drove her up the road to the high school where they were having orchestra practice. “Here, ” I said, if you want to hang out, hang out at practice. Find your violin!” “Mom!!” she said, totally angry, ” You embarrassed me in front of my friends!!!!” I countered, “and if you would like me to not do that again then be VERY concerned about who your friends are and what they do. I WILL SHOW UP!” Now on this recent day in London, this same daughter and her wonderful, godly husband introduced me to an amazing ray of new friends, all singing their hearts out, praising the Father. Now when they go into bars together, it’s to find people who need to hear about real living, pulling them out toward Christ. Wow, this mom is now giving thanks for whatever got into me that day I invaded McDonalds and found my daughter. May the Lord encourage you. I love what you wrote today, especially your verse -Hebrews 6:12.
http://ikissedmydategoodnight.com/ Ruth Rutherford

Your honestly is refreshing. While I agree with you that parenting is a huge responsibility and raising kids in Christian faith is super important… I also believe in GRACE. You can’t do it all. You can’t be perfect. And guess what? Neither can your kids. Even if you raised them in what you see as PERFECTLY in your eyes… THEY (yes, your teenagers) have the CHOICE to do what they want. I don’t have kids, but I did have great parents that loved the Lord. And guess what? I rebelled in some areas. I had attitude in some areas. I sinned… a lot. Was this because my parents didn’t read enough Bible verses to me or didn’t pray with me enough? No. It’s because I knew what was right and CHOSE to do wrong. I hope you can find encouragement in this dire fact — we’re ALL sinners, saved only by the grace of Christ… not by our works, not by our parents diligence, not by anything but God. Give yourself a break!!! Trust me from experience… your kids will look back on their childhood / teen years and will appreciate all you did to share your faith with them. It just takes some exploration on their own first, as painful as that is. God bless…
Sorry

Just take them to chick fil a and teach them to donate your royalties to groups that promote intolerance. Free speech is one thing but ignorance is another. Why not teach your children to stand behind companies that support the end of violence against women or children? You have hate in your heart and that is what you need to work on for the sake of your children…
Sorry

Coward. It’s scary to hear the truth, right? Maybe if you ate some food and fed your mind instead of drinking juice you would see how brainwashed by religion you are. God loves everyone. Teach your children to love and be accepting of others and their believes even if they differ from your own.
Kristi

wow. love this. thank you. it is nestled in my heart and still chewing on my soul. thank you.
Jennifer

Thank you Candace for your transperacy. I am in the early stages of toddlerhood with my daughter (3yrs) & I too read Bible stories every night, pray with her, sing worship songs -everything that you did. Thank you for reminding me to keep it up, right into adulthood.
Rebecca

Thank you for this Candace! I only have a 2 year old and am looking forward to more children, but this is a great reminder to start habits now. There have been times where I tell myself she’s young enough so I have time to get things rolling…but in my heart I know that’s not true. Thank you for helping me sense the urgency!
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http://www.facebook.com/sarah.danielconley Sarah Daniel-Conley

Any Christian mom who is struggling should read “Give them Grace” http://www.amazon.com/Give-Them-Grace-Dazzling-Jesus/dp/1433520095
We will continually fail our children. Our children will continually fail us. The gospel is the only thing that will sustain us and them. This is the best “parenting” book I have ever read. No formulas or promises for perfect children.
Em

Thank you for your honesty. My son use to attend church, study the Bible and participate in all the groups at church then one day in his 20′s he met a young lady and walked away from God and family. It’s been a hard 10 years, I have tried to show them Christ in my actions and words and although it has been rough communicating with them the last two years have been wonderful, for the first time they’ve asked for prayers, they visited us at church and they accepted Bible study books for them and our grandchildren. We’ve been praying for them even in the early years when all contact was dropped — we prayed. It’s much harder being a grandma, as a mother I had more influence but as a grandma the parents limit my input so it’s a fine line to walk. Thank you Candace for sharing your struggles. God bless, Em
http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=11102011 Tiffany Hathorn

Candace, thank you for this! Reading this I realize that I am failing my family as well. I pray constantly. I pray for my family, my friends, people I don;t know, and for the world at large. But I am not spending time reading the word. There was a time when I couldn’t get enough of the Bible. People in school thought I was weird when I would sit quietly at my desk during free period, reading the bible, while they took advantage of the teacherless classroom to play cards. What happened to that thirst? I also have not begun teaching my son about God outside of nighttime prayer. And I admit that we do not attend church regularly. Perhaps I have subconsciously convinced my self that at 22 months, he won’t understand it anyway. But, that is not an excuse. I need to get the ball rolling. For his sake and for mine.
Ann

Love this!! It is exactly what I’ve been thinking to myself about my own job as a Christian mom to my kids. I have 4 kids ages 3 to 12 and my oldest is getting ready to start middle school. I’ve been convicted about needing to lead them better spiritually. Thank you for your encouragement!
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