a case for letting boys be strong

I climbed the backside of the rock with ease as waves lapped and splashed my feet from behind. The boat tossed gently, a place of refuge, and our vehicle of fun in the summer of 1999.

Confident of my ability to jump into the water from the other side of the massive cliffs, I swaggered my way to the edge, looked down, and was overcome with fear.

One by one, each of my friends and family members jumped into the deep waters of Holston Lake. One guy I didn’t even know made me a deal: if he could backflip off of the cliffs, I could jump straight in.

He backflipped. I didn’t move.

When Fear Wins

That day at Holston Lake happened over 13 years ago, and I could still kick myself for letting it beat me. I don’t like having “I couldn’t master that” on my bucket list. But as I looked down at the water that day, my fears took over. They told me the water was more shallow than it looked, or that I might jump too close and hit the jagged rocks.

Fear won the battle for my heart, and I missed out on the amazing feeling of strength and accomplishment that comes with overcoming.

And it may seem like a small thing to feel frustrated about 13 years later, but it taught me something valuable.

I want my sons to march head-first into their life callings without being afraid of what might happen if they fall.

Overcoming Fear

I watched from the boat as my two little boys stood on a similar rock at Claytor Lake on the Fourth of July.

As a passel of cousins swam below chanting support, my heart flipped and flopped wondering if I should make them get down.

That old familiar fear crept in and told me they were too little to jump from so high. They weren’t strong enough swimmers, the water (at 30 feet deep) was too shallow, and they could get hurt.

But something happened this time that changed my perspective.

My seven-year-old nephew walked to the edge of the rock, looked down, looked at his mama, and jumped.

As he fell into the water, arms stretched wide and eyes full of the excitement of the moment, he yelled…

“OVERCOME MY FEARS!”

And then I knew…

My boys, at seven and five, are growing longer and stronger each day. And I’m finally beginning to see how God can turn “those” boys who leave me worn out, into “those” boys who will one day change the world.

Instead of letting my fears hold them back, I have to let them have the freedom to overcome theirs.

Cultivating a posture of strength in a man is important.

Why? Here are five simple reasons:

1. When they’re tempted to do what’s wrong, they can remember what it felt like to overcome, and draw from that reservoir of strength to choose what’s right.

2. The world needs more men who aren’t afraid to take a stand, no matter the cost.

3. Their future wives will appreciate a man who isn’t afraid to make bold, fearless decisions for the benefit of his family.

4. Their future children will reap the benefits of a father who worships the Lord without fear of what others might think.

5. The Kingdom of God will be furthered as men follow hard after their God-given dreams.

Strength in a man, the right kind, is of the utmost importance.

Fist-Pumping Fun

My son’s little blonde head burst through the water spraying everyone around him with drops of freedom from fear. Scrawny seven-year-old arms fist-pumped the sky high above his head as he yelled, “Yeah! I did it!”

He thinks it was all fun and games, but I know something different. Mama just gave him the opportunity to build his strength. And now, when he encounters the tough, wild, and fearsome the world has to offer, he’ll have a full tank of “overcomer” waiting to flow out of his little manly heart.

He’ll know he can conquer what the world throws his way…because he already has.

Who knows…maybe I’ll jump with him next time.

Question: Moms, what are some things you can allow your sons (or daughters) to do that will help them overcome their fears?

Brooke, Surprised By Life & The MOB Society (for moms of boys)

Seankelsm

I absolutely LOVE this post, Brooke! Such wonderful words of wisdom that God has placed on your heart! THANK YOU SO MUCH for sharing! Lots of blessings, Kelly
Tara E

what a great post.. .it brought tears to my eyes — a sometimes overprotective mama to a fearless 2 year old boy. i so desire for him to become a confident, strong man of God. this post is a great reminder.
http://damselandfamily.com/ Damselandfamily

My motto has become, “That’s why God makes Band-Aids (and casts, and doctors… and… and.. lol). Obviously, I don’t let them do things that are REALLY dangerous, but I’m not afraid to let them get some boo-boos. I taught high school for 8 years, and along they way I realized that my love of teaching could be rooted in one moment – watching the light bulb of SUCCESS. Not the light bulb of learning chemistry or biology or physics, but of them realizing that they just did something that they didn’t think they can do. That bolsters their confidence for further success, and it’s addictive!! THAT is what makes world-changers. And then, oh THEN!!! When I teach them to turn their eyes and tune their hearts to the fact that their almighty Creator is Who gave them the ability to do these things, Who wants desperately for them to be successful along the path that He has designed for them…. well, I just want to scream from the rooftops and jump for joy when they have THAT beautiful light bulb!!!
tennille2k

Thank you for this post! I have boys 7 and 5 as well . I love seeing them overcome their fears and realize that they are stronger and braver than they think! One thing they both are timid about is speaking with people they don’t know. In order to grow their strength in this area I have them buys things at the store by themselves, order their own food, and ask for directions or information on their own. I see their confidence grow a little more each time they do this.
keltrinswife

I am so going to have to remember this. My son is 2 and already Mr. Independent
- http://twitter.com/TheMOBSociety M.O.B. Society
  
  It’s hard for me sometimes to let them pull away from my “skirts,” but the reward, when I do, is more confident boys. Sometimes it hurts me when they prefer their daddy to me, but in the end, I’m thrilled that they want to be like him. They’re brave men, my sons, but they still come running to mama when they have a booboo I’ll take it!
http://campclem.com/ Gina at CampClem

Brilliant!!!! My heart served up on a platter right here in your words!!!

My eldest son is cautious, and my husband navigates so beautifully pushing him to take chances without crushing his spirit. And–OH!–the victory when he succeeds! When we removed his training wheels, there were such tears and fear… but half an hour later, he was racing around the empty parking lot of our church, cheering taunts as he played chicken with my husband, reeling glorious joy at the freedom and accomplishment!
g i n a at CampClem
- @BrookeWrites
  
  We had a similar experience with my youngest early this summer Gina. Now he’s a speed demon!! It’s so good for them to overcome!
http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100000417276096 Elemen Nopi

just an observation, maybe you meant (at 3 feet deep) right? anyway nice blog! my sis was inspired & totally loved it
- http://twitter.com/TheMOBSociety M.O.B. Society
  
  no, Elemen…it was 30 feet deep in the middle of the lake!
Carrie

My husband and I have always allowed our boys to be strong, despite the Grandma’s protests…LOL My boys 8 & 5 have been throwing knives for a about a year now, we allow them to chop wood with a small axe…they have a log about 24″ around that they have been working on since last summer. My husband takes them on “adventures” in nearby woods and they always have a great accomplishment to tell me when they come back. My 5 year old jump into the middle of the lake off the boat this summer! This was huge…last summer he was petrified! I am trying to raise strong, gentle and thoughtful men, easier with my oldest then my youngest )
http://www.just1step.com Kara @ Just1Step

Even though our son is only two, I am already trying to encourage him to overcome his fears. When he’s terrified of a bug in the pool, I encourage him to remove it on his own with a net. When he feels overwhelmed by the dogs getting in his face trying to steal his banana, I’ve been teaching him to tell them “No!” in a loud voice. He’s a very timid, shy guy by nature, so I have to start with these little things. But I hope I can help him grow to be strong.
http://mercysavedme.blogspot.com/ Piper

I am such a chicken about some things! Of course I want my boys to be strong and fearless, but its tough for me. I have to take a deep breath and pray a lot! My youngest has had a terrible fear of storms for over a year, we have tried a lot of things, but once he is in that zone of fear, he can think of nothing else. He sees a dark cloud and races to the computer to check the weather. Almost an obsession. A couple weeks ago, I tried something new, especially when he said that God made him that way, and that’s why he was afraid of storms. God reminded me what I do when I am afraid or when fear attempts to swallow me, “2 Timothy 1:7 For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.” So we got his Bible out and I gave him scripture on fear to look up(he was concentrating on finding it instead of the storm), read, read again, put his name in so that it applied to him. We did that for the 20 min of the storm, and he calmed down little by little. He said, is the storm over already. Guess I was too busy reading God’s word to worry about the storm. And that did my heart good!!! I need to do the same thing when my fears get the best of me!
Christis

Brooke, this is such a powerful post! Thank you! You must not live too awfully far from me
Because I recognize both these bodies of water!
http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100000608553587 Angela M Stewart

My son drove the riding lawn mower at 6, we made it so it only had low gear and someone walked along. He went hunting with my dad at 7, got his first BB gun at 8 and learned how to take care of it. He learned to respect the machines on the farm and he learned how to fix things that were broke. He shot his first deer at 13 and butchered it himself. He is now 21 works full time as a truck driver because thats the career he choose, he is very well respected in a career where most of the guys are 10 years older than him.
http://trulyrichmom.com/ TrulyRichMom/TeacherMamaTina

This post made me cry! Perfect timing (God’s timing!) for what I am/we are going through with our five year old son now! Thanks for this, Brooke! Prayers and love from the Philippines!
Sylvia Van Meppelen Scheppink

I have found that for certain things it’s better to let my husband go with and watch (of course some of the ‘scary’ things he has done with my older kids I was home with a baby napping). It’s amazing what children can do if we just let them.
Sharon

Your story reminded me of a weekend trip I went on years ago where we could jump off a cliff into water. I had talked the entire way up of making the jump, but when we arrived, I didn’t even climb up on the cliff. I knew as soon as I saw it that I could never do it. I did leave with regret and vowed if I ever got a chance to go there again, that I’d jump. But, we never did go back. My husband and I are pretty overprotective. I can’t imagine how we’ll react when it comes time to give our kiddo the okay to jump off a cliff. Yikes!
~ Elp

I’m so grateful to my husband in this area! He has let our five year old “drive” the car (on private land while he worked the pedals/gears) and takes them on all kinds of outings. At the moment he’s building a canoe for them to go out in. I have one independent boy and another who is a little more sensitive. I’ve got a little girl as well and am expecting another baby. I saw the value of my oldest son’s courage on Friday when I took him skating for the first time with our homeschool group. It was very busy and he’d never done it before. I needed to sit outside the main skating area with my 3 year old and 1 year old. My friend took him round once and then he just went for it without any crying and despite a number of falls! In a way I wanted to be there to hold his hand but couldn’t due to needing to watch the little ones but I came away just feeling so proud of him. When I explained how proud I was of him afterwards he just glowed!! Happy memories
Carly Alzen

Oh, how hard this is…and my son is only 2.5! I could have written this…from my heart to your pen. Thanks for the encouragement!
Holly

Thank you for this article. I was deeply convicted and stunned at how I have passed my fears onto my children instead of letting God help them to overcome their own fears. As I write this, my two young sons, 10 and 7, sit near my desk reading the Word. I can’t help but to pray that God would free me to allow my boys to be overcomers by His strength….This is one mom who needs to get out of God’s way!!!

Thanks for the encouragement!!
http://www.mtfw.net/ Danielle @ MTFW

Much of my childhood teaching was fear-based. Don’t get me wrong, I had a loving mother and grandparents who would do anything for me and NEVER hurt me or made me fear them but it was always “If you jump off that cliff into the water you could hit a rock below and die.” (just using an example related to above story.)

I want my son to grow up faith-based not fear based. I too need to allow him to do things that my gut reaction (from my childhood) says “no” to.

I really don’t even want him to be cautious, I want him to weight the circumstances, see the pros/cons or risk/benefits and potential consequences and knowing full well what those are, make a decision that is not based on fear but faith in Jesus Christ and His plan for my son’s life.

I want him to jump feet first holding on to Jesus.

Excellent post,

Thanks for the blessing!
Debra

AMEN! I am left happily teary eyed.
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