Forming Their Normal

My friend and I were talking about exercise…

That’s how the conversation started.
My parents exercised almost daily.
Hers did not.
To me, exercise seems normal.
To her, the whole concept is new, but she’s working to change that.

It got me thinking about how we are creating our kids’ normal.
Not normal– as in status quo.
Not normal– as in outward-appearances-matter.
Not normal– as in trying to be like everybody else.
I’m from Portland, Oregon and our city’s unofficial motto is–

 

 

I’m talking about the kind of normal where it just seems natural, logical…second nature.
Habits formed.
Patterns woven.
Instincts chiseled.
Grooves worn into the foundation of every day life.

On one hand, it’s those simple things that my husband and I discovered in our first few months of marriage:

I like corn on salad; he does not.
He appreciates clean; I appreciate organized.
I enjoy walking; he likes to run.
He uses a level to hang pictures; I use the multiple-holes-and-it’ll-eventually-be-straight-method.

But it’s also the important, life-impacting norms that are often molded during childhood.
Will it seem normal to:

–spend time in God’s Word?
–fellowship regularly with other Believers?
–open our home in hospitality?
–forgive quickly?
–show love-in-action when someone is hurting?
–reach out to neighbors?
–quickly offer help when someone needs it?
–share our resources generously?
–strive for excellence?
–trust God deeper through hurts and struggles?
–pray when there is sickness or worry or fear or anger or…just pray-without-ceasing?
–look for God’s gifts in moment-by-moment life?
–eat together as a family?
–use money wisely?
–value the inward heart over outward appearances?
–communicate honestly and respectfully?
–go to the Bible for wisdom?
–share Christ’s gospel hope?
–give thanks when we see His blessings?
–love our enemies?
–trust Him as faithful always?
–even just eat-healthfully-and-exercise-regularly?

And it’s not that people can’t change, they can.
And better still–
God can change people. 
Because “with God all things are possible” (Mark 10:27).
There is so much hope in that verse (SO much).
God is the redeemer of broken lives.
He is the healer of hurting hearts.
Our Father lovingly washes away our old and makes us new.

Therefore if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creature;
the old things passed away; behold, new things have come.
~2 Cor. 5:17

 

 

But patterns and habits are difficult to break–
To change what has become our normal.
It was just a reminder that every single day
Little eyes are watching…
Little ears are listening…
My patterns, my responses, my norms…slowly becoming theirs.
Pressing into my heart the question–

By God’s grace, in His strength,
What kind of normal do I want to create in their lives?

 

“Nothing stands still….
Life is but a series of moments,each containing a choice.
Each choice is either to
obey the present impulse of the Spirit or to disobey.
Each choice
is either to act in love or in selfishness,
in faith or in unbelief.”
~Andree Seu

 

Sharing with thanks over at:

Growing Home,

Raising Arrows,

Titus2sdays,

Raising Homemakers,

Women Living Well,

We are THAT Family.

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...
About Kara Chupp

Kara is 16-years-married to her husband Jason, one of the funniest and most generous people she knows. They have five kiddos, four here and one in heaven. They also have a muppet-like-mess of a dog, non-breeding Madagascar Hissers (who have had over 100 babies), guinea pigs, and a whole bunch of stick bugs. Kara writes mostly about family, adoption, grief, education, traditions, literature, organization, Heaven, and most-importantly- her love for God. You can find her family adventures at The Chuppies. Google

  • http://www.joyfilleddays.com/ Sarah Beals

    Kara, this post reflects all the reasons I love you. Very perceptive, and I agree about our norms becoming our kids new normal. I can remember the first time Rebekah said something just like I did, voice reflections and all, and someone told me how much she sounded like me. I knew there and then that if my kids were going to imitate me, it would be wise of me to give them something good to imitate. :) Thank you for this encouragement. I love you so. ;)

    • http://thechuppies.blogspot.com/ Kara @ The Chuppies

      Thank you so much Sarah friend :)
      I feel the same way!

      It’s crazy how often I hear “my phrases” coming out of their little mouths.
      So convicting.

  • Barb Spencer

    What a great reminder to keep on keeping on, Kara. Thank you for your sensitivity to sharing what is important.

    • http://thechuppies.blogspot.com/ Kara @ The Chuppies

      Thank you Barb :)

  • http://www.servingjoyfully.com/ Crystal @ Serving Joyfully

    Oh my goodness…I LOVE this! Mainly because I could have written it myself! I was talking about this exact same topic with my husband the other day (actually all the time!). It’s one of the reasons that I made the decision to stop eating out. It hit me that eating out several times a week was becoming my children’s normal and I didn’t like it…I actually have a post on my blog in queue for tomorrow about that topic. So glad I saw this post :)

    • http://thechuppies.blogspot.com/ Kara @ The Chuppies

      So funny Crystal…I was actually thinking about the “eating out” piece just this week.
      We were on a family vacation last week and ate out several times…and our youngest (almost 3) got to eat a lot of french fries. I know…I know…terrible…but it was vacation :)

      Well…this week…for the first few days, she asked me daily:

      “What TIME are we going to get french fries?”

      As if it is now an expected-and-normal part of our daily routine :)

  • http://www.just1step.com Kara @ Just1Step

    Absolutely love this. I’m going to bookmark it so hopefully I can come back and be reminded. :) Thank you!

  • kariandcompany

    Thank you for this! (but WHY oh WHY did you have to put ‘hospitality’ so close to the top?!) ;o) God is really working on me with this one. Thank you!

    • http://thechuppies.blogspot.com/ Kara @ The Chuppies

      Ha! :)
      So when can I come over???
      I actually do have a few questions for you…

      I’ve seen the concrete stepping-out-in-faith-ways that you’ve let Him work (I loved your spontaneous dinner invites last year…that “who-will-show-up-experiement” :)

      Hospitality is close to the top because in the same conversation with my friend, we were talking about how it either does or doesn’t seem strange to invite people over often for meals, hanging out etc. She couldn’t really think of one time others were invited into her home when she was a child.

      It’s crazy to think that won’t affect how natural it feels to welcome people in down the road as an adult.

      BUT GOD–
      Can change all that!
      I LOVE that!!!

  • Kellyscott

    Hi Kara,
    You are so correct! Mine are almost all grown and how I wish for so many do-overs. However, I’m confident that God, through His Spirit, will bring to mind the Norms to my children. For now, I keep holding to the Norms and recalling 1 Corinthians 11:1, “Be imitators of me, as I am of Christ.” Thank you for your post!

    • http://thechuppies.blogspot.com/ Kara @ The Chuppies

      I love that…
      1 Cor. 11:1 should BE in this post…that’s the key, isn’t it?
      Follow Him.
      Eyes on Him.

      Our oldest is 11 and 1/2 and I already wish for many do-overs. Make me so so SO thankful for His grace and that He is real in their lives and can produce change and redemption DESPITE my failures.

      It’s always that strange balance isn’t it?

      My obedience and effort….His ability to transform lives.
      The reality that my actions have consequences…the beautiful Truth that He can overcome.
      The daily-impact my norms have on them…the understanding that apart from Him, I can do nothing.
      Pursuing Christ…while all the while, He is truly pursuing me.
      Leading the little ones to Him…while only He has the power to reach their hearts.

      I cling to Phil. 1:6…
      I can have confidence that He will complete the work He started in me… in them…
      Because He is faithful.

  • Kelly Scott

    Hi Kara,
    You are so correct! Mine are almost all grown and how I wish for so many do-overs. However, I’m confident that God, through His Spirit, will bring to mind the Norms to my children. For now, I keep holding to the Norms and recalling 1 Corinthians 11:1, “Be imitators of me, as I am of Christ.” Thank you for your post!

  • http://www.inamirrordimly.net Shannon McKee

    Kara – I love this post. It reminds me of keeping the important things the important things. You know? Thanks so much for sharing!

    • http://thechuppies.blogspot.com/ Kara @ The Chuppies

      “keeping the important things the important things”
      Absolutely!
      (and how quickly-easily I get sidetracked)
      Thank you friend :)

  • http://www.teshastreasures.com/ tesha

    Kara, Wonderful words of wisdom as usual!

    • http://thechuppies.blogspot.com/ Kara @ The Chuppies

      Thank you Tesha…
      Side note–I saved the photos you made for Selah on Mother’s Day…so so kind.

  • http://candelierious.blogspot.com Lis

    Shared because I loved the question it begged me to ask myself: “What normals am I forming for my son?”

    • http://thechuppies.blogspot.com/ Kara @ The Chuppies

      So convicting when that hits home…isn’t it?
      Thank you for sharing…
      love,
      k

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Angela-Richter/1632533801 Angela Richter

    Love this Kara! What a convicting post about the example we are to our children. Actions are stronger then words, we can say so many things but if they don’t see us do them they won’t have near the impact. I can relate to your comment about your 11 yr old. I’m blessed with a 13 yr old that deeply loves the Lord but I still have regrets of things I wish I could redo. You nailed it, ” Thank God for HIS Grace who will redeem all!

    • http://thechuppies.blogspot.com/ Kara @ The Chuppies

      I’m so thankful for you Angela…I always feel like you “get it” :)
      I’m so thankful that the responsibility doesn’t all fall on my plate.
      And that He can intervene even when I’m a mess.
      But still–makes me want to press on…and at least examine…
      what my stronger-than-words-actions are saying to our crew.

  • Meghan Carver

    I’ve been thinking about this a lot recently, and it’s scary to think of the responsibility we have as parents. After what our children have “learned” from us as normal, how well will they blend in with a spouse and in-laws? What will be normal for their children — our grandchildren? Will that seem weird to us? Lots to think about. Thanks!

    • http://thechuppies.blogspot.com/ Kara @ The Chuppies

      When I start to get overwhelmed…because parenting is HUGE…and often overwhelms me…
      And it feels scary if I think it all depends on me (thank God (truly) for His grace and intervention)…

      I come back to an Elisabeth Elliott saying…
      “Do the next right thing.”

      Pray…plead with Him for their hearts…
      And then do the next right thing.
      Which for me–is getting off the computer and heading up to tuck my 2-year-old in, with another reading of “Fox in Socks” (4th time today :)

      Doing “His next right thing” will lead to choices that develop better norms…and then we all pray that He’ll override the negative…that He’ll show grace in the lives of our kiddos…because His grace can cover it all..

      I can SO relate to what you expressed above…

  • Pingback: Why I don't eat out | Serving Joyfully

  • Pingback: Joy-Filled Days - Raising Kids. Keeping House. Choosing Joy, Everyday!

  • http://twitter.com/Weakandloved Emily Cook

    This is wonderful. It is important for me to remember that what my kids see ME doing is forming , in their head, “WHAT MOTHERS DO.” So far they know that mothers drink coffee, work at the computer, do housework, cook yummy stuff… and I hope they also know that Mothers pray, need time in God’s Word. My mother in law told me once time not to hide away (always) when reading the Bible, because when the kids see ME doing that, they learn that it is important. Great advice, mom :)

    Emily

    http://www.weakandloved.com/

  • Tina

    Dear Kara,

    Thank you for this post. This is exactly why I chose to be an at-home-mom when my children were born. I wanted to be the one to influence their ‘normal.’ Excellent way of putting it!

    I also live in Portland, OR.!

    Thanks,
    Tina