Being intentional with our words as a mom parent in parenting

Being Intentional With Our Words

February 23, 2012 By Angela

One of my New Year’s resolutions this year was is to be more intentional in my life. One of the areas in my life I’ve been focusing on are my words. Lately I’ve really tried to “listen” to myself as I talk to my children and my husband. I’ve paid attention to the words and tone that I’ve been using with them recently and I have to admit some days I haven’t always liked what I have heard.

Such was the case one day last week. I have to be honest. I was just having one of those days. I felt like I had spent most of my day disciplining one of my daughters and by bedtime both mommy and daughter were exhausted. I was worn out from correcting her and trying to be consistent and well, she was worn out from being corrected. As I was tucking her into bed I felt the Lord press upon me to speak encouraging words to her and tell her how truly special she is to me. Don’t we want God to do the same for us? Those days when we’ve been self-centered, short-tempered and feeling unlovable, those are the days when we need God to speak words of love into our lives. We know we don’t deserve it, but it’s those days when we have failed so often that we need to hear from God how much He loves us.

It all started very simple, with just a few words, but my daughter ate it up and wanted more.

ME: “You know what I love about you?”
DAUGHTER: “No, mommy. What?”
ME: “I love how thoughtful you are.”
DAUGHTER:“What else mommy? What else do you love about me?”
ME:“I love what a GREAT big sister you are.”
ME:“I love that you like to be held.”
ME:“I love your beautiful smile.”
ME:“I love you just the way God made you. I love EVERYTHING about you.”
ME:“I love you and feel so blessed to be your mommy.

You know what? God speaks like that to us too.

It’s just nice to know you are loved…even if you’re having a bad day.

Love God Greatly!

http://thechuppies.blogspot.com/ Kara @ The Chuppies

This one kind of made my heart hurt…that lump-in-your-throat-feeling.
I want to say those kind of words more often.
I need to.
Tomorrow when they wake up.

If I could ever figure out how to make my keyboard make a heart…
I’d put a BIG heart on this post!
Beautiful Angela.
Love,
K

http://twitter.com/LoveGodGreatly Angela

Oh you are so kind, Kara!

Jennifer

I agree with Kara!! God has been nudging me in this area and I’ve been struggling to ignore it. But I know I need to make my words salt and light. And the tone of my voice….oh, that’s a biggie!!
Kathy Sykes

LOVELY! Not only do I words need to be intentional but our whole lives. We HAVE to live consciously!
http://www.greekrootsinamericansoil.com/ Michelle

As I read this, I thought of how your daughter must have felt hearing this–you know that feeling when you’re a child that you’re so happy you just want to run up and hug someone really tight?! My biggest struggle with words is as my children get older (i.e. 13 to 17) and they are trying to exert their independence more and more. My husband is so good at staying calm and using the right words. Thank you for the reminder–it’s so easy to say something harsh when we’re in the throes of a crazy day, but we must stop and think.

Kim Hall

Michelle, your reply brings back memories of our teen girls. My husband was more immune more often it seemed to the bait that the youngest would toss our way, where I would want to run and inevitably get snared in her “let’s argue about other stuff so you aren’t able to talk to me about this other really important stuff”.
Very frustrating.
I did find that Jane Nelson’s Positive Discipline was a great help, especially when the girls were little. I only wish I had known there was a teen version, as I know that would have been very, very helpful.

Sandi

Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! I really needed this right now! Made me cry!

http://twitter.com/LoveGodGreatly Angela

Ohhh you are more than welcome my sweet sister! So glad it touched you! I’m sure you are doing a beautiful job…….just lean on Jesus! One day at a time!

Kim Hall

Thanks for highlighting the often crazy, counter-intuitive behavior that often makes for the best parenting. When you feel like yelling, speak in a whisper. When you feel like withholding affection, be abundantly generous with your love.
And as you note, be intentional. Focus on them. Pay attention to what they do right. Recognize them for it. Don’t praise, but do encourage often, with intention and love.
I think this is a lesson many parents, including myself, learned far later than we would have liked.

http://twitter.com/LoveGodGreatly Angela

Ahhhh but you learned it!!!!! We are ALL a work in progress. God is still teaching me as I go. The most important thing is to listen and be sensitive to His Spirit when He is instructing us. I’m still learning in this area. Thanks so much for commenting today, Kim!

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Kate @ Teaching What Is Good

Very sweet reminder of how our words can be used to BUILD up those we love. Thanks for writing it.
Tammy Jones

Such a wonderful reminder! So many days we get wrapped up in the crazyiness of tasks & deadlines, laundry & cleaning, appointments & work, that we forget it only takes one word to crush or ruin soneone’s day. And honestly I am so much better with others than I am my own family. Just yesterday I showed loving grace to a boy who told me to ‘shut up’ while teaching, yet blew up at my daughters for arguing with each other. I turned around and told them the story of my grace earlier & apologized to them asking their forgiveness. It was great to see them give me grace in return. Intentional living is a wonderful goal for 2012! ~Tammy

http://twitter.com/LoveGodGreatly Angela

Hi Tammy!

Thank you so much for sharing your story……I’ve been guilty of the same. Sometimes showing more grace to those outside my family than those inside. I believe it’s important to teach our children that we too make mistakes and need to be given grace. Such an important lesson for them to learn how to give and receive grace…..:) I’m still learning that lesson.

Netty

THANK YOU SO MUCH! What a wonderful reminder that we all need because we are all human. I know we are all doing the best we can as parents, so PLEASE let yourselves off the hook and just be joyful in that you are making progress. However small (as mine is).
http://www.astoldbylisa.com/ Lisa

Thank you for this post. I have been trying to watch my tone and remember to reaffirm my love with my little ones. Thank you for this reminder.
Pam

Especially when you’re having a bad day! Lovely reminder. Thanks so much. God’s Blessings, Angela.
http://www.facebook.com/CrazyHeifer Heather Lynn Brown

I have been mindful lately of how my words have gotten more harsh towards everyone. I am reminded of all the times in the Bible where we are told how our tongues are so dangerous and hurtful. I am making an intentional effort to speak kinder, softer, and lift up. Our words have so much power either way we use them.

Thank you for this blog today.
http://www.facebook.com/jennifer.thorn Jennifer Schade Thorn

Thank you for the reminder. I sometimes get too caught up in all the stuff I have to do that day that I then I end up firing off commands in order to make it all happen. I need to stop more often and encourage. Thank you for being such a good example.
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