Going the Extra Mile

January 17, 2012 By

“I have a great son, who is responsive to me and loving—but he is spending 6 hours a day playing computer games! My friends told me that is normal and just to leave him alone and know it is just boy stuff. What do you think?”

This from a sweet and intentional mom that I met last summer.

We live in a pretty mediocre culture. The voices of our culture in this contemporary world will most always give you permission to compromise your ideals, escape the hard work, go the easy route. “Oh, they will be just fine—don’t interfere too much.”

But, there are not many leaders you can point your children to, and say, “Look at that person—they have worked hard, sacrificed their lives, and accomplished something great in this world and I believe God has designed you to give something great to your generation in your lifetime.”

Yet, I am convinced that if we, as mothers, understood that we have a capacity to work a little harder, give a little more and cultivate more intentionally, we will indeed be able to see greatness of soul, and depth of faith arise out of our children’s lives. It is the best work we will ever do.

Nothing truly great is ever accomplished without great effort. We are, after all, subduing a world that is in rebellion against God. By investing more time in our children, we are helping them mount up over inertia, over laziness, bad habits, self-centeredness and giving them practice at developing good habits, skills, abilities, all of which need to be intentionally nurtured, taught, modeled and trained into them by their parents!

However, it takes more work than I ever thought. If a mom doesn’t want her 13 year old son to be addicted to the computer, she will have to help him cultivate more captivating interests, and she will have to invest her personal time, money, sweat equity and energy to do it—excellence requires us to go the extra mile.

Today, I am at a statewide speech and debate tournament. Children ages 12-18 are competing in a variety of areas. Each child has had to invest hours and hours preparing, studying, practicing and if it is similar to our household, the whole family has been involved—listening to speeches, correcting scripts, giving ideas, researching quotes.  The whole process has taken our family hours and hours, but it has benefited us all and sharpened us all as we have been forced to think through ideas, philosophy, and defenses together.

I am quite amazed at the articulate, thoughtful speeches coming from the hearts of the young adults here, who have invested their own hours  in this venture. They have engaged their minds in great ideas, and practiced thinking and saying them.  They are going to be more excellent communicators in their life- time because of the hours their moms invested in them to make this competition a possibility.

Whether a sport, a musical skill, art, ministry, some kind of academic or creative work, our children will be blessed if we invest the time it takes to give them more of a foundation of confidence in their souls, as we help them find a way to practice productivity, excellence of character and the need to take every moment captive for Him. To find that “fit” for our children’s creativity, that activity that engages their heart, passions and personality, will probably require us give up the rights to our own time, and invest in the future of our child’s productivity, by taking the time now to help them cultivate their skills and interests and good habits.

It will require that we go that extra mile-but that extra mile will take them much further in their lives than can ever be measured.

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18 Comments | Filed Under: Discipling Children, Parenting
  • Aubrie

    Thank you for this post, Sally. You are absolutely right; “nothing truly great is ever accomplished without great effort.” I really appreciate that reminder today.

  • Jamie (@va_grown)

    Excellent post! Our sermon on Sunday was about the “crime of complacency” destroying our homes and Christian lives and I just wrote this morning about worrying if we were expecting too much from our children with their chores and home duties. Thanks for encouraging my heart to know that we have to expect great things from our kids if we want to see them!

  • Katie Ramsey

    Wonderful reminder… I think I will get up and turn off the cartoons and spend some time engaging the hearts of my children. Thank you Sally Clarkson for your ministry. Your encouragement to moms is invaluable.

  • Barb Spencer

    What a timely post, Sally. You had such a profound influence on me early on in my homeschooling with your book, Educating the Wholehearted Child. Too many are content to have their kids go with what everyone else is doing. Thanks for the encouragement to help our children be so much more.

  • Flourishingmother

    thank you, this is wonderful encouragement!

  • Sara

    Wonderful post! I am just working on reorganizing our homeschooling schedule for the new year, and this was sooooo needed. My son has been a handful lately; it is good to be reminded of why I’m doing this and what I’m trying to accomplish! Thanks!

  • Kathy Sykes

    I can totally relate on so many points from this post. The first one being that our society is too eager to take the easy way out. We should not be teaching our kids to NOT be hard workers and to expect GREAT things from themselves. When I first became a mother, I could not believe how much WORK went into keeping your children engaged and busy!! I could relate to how easy it is to just sit my son in front of the T.V. But I refused to do that. I want better for him and even though I am dog tired most of the time, my job is to lead and inspire. And I only have one child. I know that it is more difficult for families with multiple kids, but engaging our kids is an INVESTMENT in their lives. Thanks for this post!

  • Alexandra

    Oooh..this hit a raw nerve with me, but I am ready to be unsettled in this area and keen to change. I’m very open to the wise counsel of a woman who has been there ahead of me. If anyone has the time or the inclination, I would love some practical advice on academically or creatively stimulating boys. My boys are aged 11,10, and 9. (I also have two girls aged 6 and 4 who are very natural learners and I can’t keep up with all the exciting, stimulating things they want to do!) My boys are very involved in a sport (in which one was national chamption last year), but this sport is mostly an evening sport. I struggle to get them through their school work. They do just what they have to, in the quickest time they possibly can. They are very active boys and love to play outside, but they will also sit for hours and hours and play computer games or Ipods. I have never been comfortable with this, but it has become a natural pattern for our lives since I feel it gives me time to breath. I do very little ‘for myself’. I find it hard to have time to exercise (when I do, I usually include the children anyway), I don’t go out without the children regularly. (I might go out once every couple of months, if that.) I don’t pursue any hobbies on my own. My day is housework, household paperwork, my husband’s business paperwork, schoolwork, and sport in the evenings. I always feel like I am just keeping my head above water in regards to housework. Now, I am not complaining in any way at all here (I am very content with the life God has blessed me with), just asking for advice. How do I help my children to move away from the hold that computer and Ipod games have on them and stimulate them in other areas when I feel I barely have time to breath, or get a really good night’s sleep???

  • Alexandra

    (If this has posted twice. Sorry.) Oooh..this hit a raw nerve with me, but I am ready to be unsettled in this area and keen to change. I’m very open to the wise counsel of a woman who has been there ahead of me. If anyone has the time or the inclination, I would love some practical advice on academically or creatively stimulating boys. My boys are aged 11,10, and 9. (I also have two girls aged 6 and 4 who are very natural learners and I can’t keep up with all the exciting, stimulating things they want to do!) My boys are very involved in a sport (in which one was national chamption last year), but this sport is mostly an evening sport. I struggle to get them through their school work. They do just what they have to, in the quickest time they possibly can. They are very active boys and love to play outside, but they will also sit for hours and hours and play computer games or Ipods. I have never been comfortable with this, but it has become a natural pattern for our lives since I feel it gives me time to breath. I do very little ‘for myself’. I find it hard to have time to exercise (when I do, I usually include the children anyway), I don’t go out without the children regularly. (I might go out once every couple of months, if that.) I don’t pursue any hobbies on my own. My day is housework, household paperwork, my husband’s business paperwork, schoolwork, and sport in the evenings. I always feel like I am just keeping my head above water in regards to housework. Now, I am not complaining in any way at all here (I am very content with the life God has blessed me with), just asking for advice. How do I help my children to move away from the hold that computer and Ipod games have on them and stimulate them in other areas when I feel I barely have time to breath, or get a really good night’s sleep???

    • Kristi

      I wish I had advice for you but instead can only give you a sympathetic and understanding “me too.” My boys are 9 and 11. They also play sports, attend after school clubs, read for fun, play instruments/take lessons and yet the Ipods and computer are played a lot more than I’d like to admit. I look forward to hearing some ideas…

  • Kelly @ The Nourishing Home

    We are so blessed to have you writing for The Better Mom! Just love and appreciate your biblical wisdom and encouragement! Many blessings, Kelly

  • Kelly @ The Nourishing Home

    We are so blessed to have you writing for The Better Mom! Just love and appreciate your biblical wisdom and encouragement! Many blessings, Kelly

    • Sally C.

      Thanks, Kelly. I am so honored and love this wonderful blog! Blessings to you tonight.

  • http://beautyinthestorm.blogspot.com/ Dionna

    It takes work. That is the key right there. :)

  • http://www.forgirlslikeyou.com/ For Girls Like You Magazine

    Wow great post and timely for me! Was just confessing to my husband that I have not been engaged lately, thank you for this challenge and encouragement!

  • http://thechuppies.blogspot.com/ Kara @ The Chuppies

    Love this Sally…
    And it’s a battle.
    Mediocre falls into place quite nicely.
    We watched “A Dolphin Tale” last night with our crew (family movie night as my guy is off work this week) and I told them all about you and your kiddos.
    We went to a state-wide Lego Mindstorms competition on Saturday…I found myself thinking…is it really worth all the effort?
    But–excellence takes effort.
    And I want our crew to take that in–to claim that as their own-goal-in-life–
    Excellence.
    In academic or interests pursuits…
    But mostly in following Christ.
    And I know I need to lead by example…Ugh. And that’s where the rubber-meets-the-road.
    It’s an honor (and I truly mean that) to share in this Better-Mom-contributor-writing spot with you…
    Blessings,
    K

  • April

    Beautiful. I couldn’t agree more, and I NEEDED this pep talk today! :)
    Blessings!

  • SAHMmy Says

    Excellent post! I know media time is just one example and not the point of your post, but it is a great reminder that kids aren’t going to be any better for the time spent in front of a screen. If I want my kids to do great things — as children and as adults — I need to give them great things to do!