When Social Media Hurts Parenting

November 16, 2011 By Brooke McGlothlin

Social Media has been good to me.

God has brought many exciting opportunities my way over the last three years because of Social Media. It provides me with an outlet for ministering to women, making some extra money for my family, and sharing my life with other like-minded women. But the last few months I’ve had trouble with my mornings. Two months of morning sickness, a case of vertigo, a miscarriage, and recovery, have slowed me down. But they’ve also allowed this weary mom the opportunity to do some deep thinking about the way I’ve allowed Social Media to effect the way I parent my children.

Getting our boys going with happy hearts in the morning has turned into a MAJOR chore (it was hard before too…our boys struggle with being good at meals) and it doesn’t help that the hours Mama keeps have flip flopped as well. Part of my therapy during the last few months has been to dive into a world other than my own through an eight-book fiction series. I’m not done with it (two to go!), but I need to put it down for a season too. Late nights and late mornings just bring bad attitudes at our house.

I’ve prayed about what to do, but if I’m honest I’ve known the answer the whole time. I need to go to bed early, get up early, write for a couple of hours in the morning, and then shut my computer before the siren songs of Twitter and Facebook pull me into the zone. When I sit down to breakfast with Facebook and Twitter in front of me–blog links to post, people to tweet–I get irritated faster, respond slowly, let my boys get away with murder, and generally make them feel like mom is completely out of touch.

It’s no wonder they don’t listen to me when I talk. I’ve made a habit of ignoring them.

It starts our entire day off wrong.

So I’m making some changes, and I’m inviting you to join me.

I’m going to bed every night as close to 10PM as possible to ensure a good night’s sleep (a rested mom is a better mom).
I’m getting up early every morning to re-establish my consistent quiet time and write for my blogs.
I’m limiting my time on Facebook, Twitter, or any other form of Social Media to five minutes in the morning AFTER my quiet time and BEFORE my boys get out of bed. If they get up before I’m finished, it waits until we’re done with school for the day.
I will lead my children in life-giving discussion at the breakfast table, investing in the mornings without the distraction of the computer

My purpose? To be fully present with my children in the morning. To greet them, love them, and help them learn to start their day off right.

The benefits? Children who feel loved and cared for (listened to?) and an opportunity to trust God for the life and well-being of the ministries He’s given me.

“When the back that won’t be little long needs scratching, I leave my dreams at the computer screen and scratch. When the little mind soaking up the world around him needs mommy to help him sound out the words, I lay down my dreams and rejoice in his victories. When that sweet little voice says, “Mommy, come be with me,” I close down Twitter and walk away from my dreams and into the world of his. When the bigger man in my life needs someone to talk to, love, laugh with, I click save and walk away…

Because my dreams are bigger than just writing, and my life’s mission is more than a book.”

~Notes to Aspiring Writers: Your Dream, God’s Plan (enjoy this free PDF download)

Who’s with me?

***********

Brooke has some very exciting news to share about her book, Warrior Prayers: Praying the Word for Boys in the Areas They Need it Most. Don’t miss it!

46 Comments | Filed Under: Boys, Ministries and Missions, Miscarriage

About Brooke McGlothlin

Brooke is a mom of two young boys who leave her desperate for God's grace. Her pursuit of being a better mom has left her at the foot of the cross, knowing that if God doesn't show up ... nothing happens. This dependence upon God to turn hearts of stone to hearts of flesh leads her to her knees in prayer. She's the author of the best-selling eBook Warrior Prayers: Praying the Word for Boys in the Areas They Need it Most, creator of the 21 Days of Prayer for Sons challenge and co-founder of the well-loved online community for mothers of boys, the M.O.B. Society. She offers hope for change to the hearts of women at her main blog, A Life in Need of Change.

Anonymous

Brooke, good for you! It’s been quite a ride for me, too, as I navigate the waters of social media. Preparing to attend a certain blog conference had the unwelcome effect of drawing me into a fun world happening online where I could interact with adults all day long if I wanted to–and in the meantime neglect the blessings right under my nose. I applaud your effort and think you’re on the exact right track. My new iphone is the current temptation, as it’s even easier to be in a room without truly being there! I’d already pushed my sit-down-at-the-computer time to before and after my children’s “awake” times … now I think I’m going to have to do something similar with the phone because I can tell it could become an issue. Being a mom is hard work, isn’t it? ~Misty Krasawski

http://twitter.com/BrookeWrites Brooke McGlothlin

The hardest…but the best Thanks Misty!

Beth

Thank you! I needed this reminder. I will be making some changes starting today.
http://www.thissideofheaven.weebly.com Kristi

Brooke, you are saying what has been on my heart. Thank you.
http://overcomingbusy.com Marci Goodwin

I’m reading this while my kids eat breakfast. I should be spending time at the table with them, Thanks for the gentle nudge

http://twitter.com/BrookeWrites Brooke McGlothlin

Don’t worry Marci…God constantly slapps me in the face…er…nudges me gently with things too

Mary @The Encouraging Home

Thank you for this, Brooke! As a new blogger, I have gotten sucked into the social world and know I have to set my priorities right. I love your writing and both of your books have been such encouragement to me. Warrior Prayers is such a blessing with my sons! I am sorry for your loss. Prayers and Hugs.

http://twitter.com/BrookeWrites Brooke McGlothlin

Start off on the right foot! Have you read Laura Booz’s Blogger Behave? If not, grab it…it’s very cheap and a great resource for beginning bloggers.

Dayna

I think we definitely all struggle with this at times and have to remind ourselves of what is important.
Anonymous

I too have went through this moment of re-evaluating my time spent on the web. I had to do this because during summer break I got a little lax on how much time I was on the computer. I felt awful when God nudged me and the realization sort of hit me in my gut. So I can appreciate your post this morning and hopefully we can all draw strength and resolve from each other. God Bless you for listening to HIM and for being “real” with us. I am with you!

http://twitter.com/BrookeWrites Brooke McGlothlin

His mercies are new every morning So glad we serve the God of second chances!

http://twitter.com/AshlieWrites Ashlie

This is something I’ve been thinking about lately. I so appreciated this post…we all struggle with it. I don’t ever want my kids to feel second to my computer. The balance is so hard when there is so much to fit into the day, but it is worth it for my children to feel loved and cared for!

I also like what you said about checking social media AFTER quiet time…a weakness of mine…sometimes I’ll check it “real quick” while coffee is brewing…but “real quick” can turn into a session that makes my quiet time rushed or even skipped. Then later I feel the void of missing my time with Jesus.

Thank you, Brooke!

http://twitter.com/BrookeWrites Brooke McGlothlin

You’re right Ashlie…I don’t want my kids to feel like I’m ashamed of what I do, or that there’s something wrong with mommy working at home. I want them to value what’s important to me, and value mommy being obedient to God in her work, but if I died today, I don’t want my boys’ last memory of me to be with my head in the computer. Thank you friend!

Peggy

Brooke, I must tell you that I can see the difference in your blogs!!!! Praise the Lord, for I know He has led you to the “best” rather than the good or better: Spending those precious moments with your boys. I can state for a certainness that time passes all too quickly. I stand on the far side with a quiet (too quiet) home wondering what if I had listened, played, been in the moment more. Keep at it!

http://twitter.com/BrookeWrites Brooke McGlothlin

Thank you Peggy It’s good to know that someone notices these things! It’s not always easy to walk out the best, is it?

Elise

Brooke, Thank you for your post. This is much too close to how I have allowed my mornings to look the last few months. I needed the nudge to get me going in the right direction. Thank you.

http://twitter.com/BrookeWrites Brooke McGlothlin

Prayers friend!

http://www.abideathome.com Rhonda

I enjoyed your post! I find that I’m wasting too much time in my day on the computer also. With a smartphone it seems like the problem doubles because it’s always with me. It’s so easy to just check facebook fourteen times a day (ridiculous!) and waste precious minutes here and there – and those minutes add up!! I have started to try to set some limits, and that’s helped, but boy, it’s a struggle! Good luck!

http://twitter.com/BrookeWrites Brooke McGlothlin

So true Rhonda. It doesn’t do any good to make a commitment to turn off the computer and then turn around and turn on the smartphone. Good word friend.

http://www.onefunmom.com Christy

It’s good to know I’m not the only mom out there who has allowed herself to get off-track for a time. Thanks for the guideline ideas! I’m working to find the best schedule that works for me. Definitely when the boys aren’t in need of attention too!

http://twitter.com/BrookeWrites Brooke McGlothlin

I think it’s different for each of us Christy. I’m a work-at-home, homeschooling mom, and my income provides for our family. I want my boys to know that what I do is important…I want them to share in my successes and and the ups and downs of ministry, but I never want “what I do” to become an idol. I hope God will always keep my heart soft so He can continue to convict me when I get it wrong. You’re on the right track friend!

http://www.facebook.com/whittney.hoyler Whittney Bevington Hoyler

I recognize that series (Outlander, right?)….it helped me as I spent hours nursing my first little one in the rocking chair. Thank you much for this reminder! Praying peace for you as you recover.

http://twitter.com/BrookeWrites Brooke McGlothlin

Yea…My mom got me hooked on it. I’m a sucker for Scottish things (maybe it’s the kilts…I don’t know

Tammy

Sounds great, good for you. And thank you for inspiring me to do the same.
Catclubb

every morning that i try to send a “quick” email we end up being 15+ min late for preschool and cranky all day.I agree that it does get things off to a foul start. I need to join you in this commitment

http://twitter.com/BrookeWrites Brooke McGlothlin

So glad to have you sweet friend O mine Hold me accountable, K?

Julianne

Thank you for your honesty and transparency. This is def somthing I battle with on a daily basis. And I too have noticed how my children don’t get the best of me when my face is in front of the screen. I am going to take you up on your invitation. Thanks for the invite! I will be praying for you as I try to limit my screen time. Thank you again for being such a wonderful encouragement! Be Blessed!

http://twitter.com/BrookeWrites Brooke McGlothlin

I’m praying for you too Julianne! As with any addiction, it won’t be easy…but I believe we can offer our kids the best of us.

http://twitter.com/BrookeWrites Brooke McGlothlin

So true Elizabeth. As with all things that start out good, we have to fight the temptation to make them into idols of the heart.
http://thechuppies.blogspot.com/ Kara @ The Chuppies

Brooke…this is so good…such a needed reminder. Thank you.
And I want to be honest in this area (with myself and with God).
It’s such a battle and I don’t want to miss out on precious moments with the kiddos.
I can’t let that be the cost of social connections…or writing.
I was thinking about stages last night…I want to really be HERE….In the one I’m IN.
http://inthesweetsunshine.com Carrie Roer

Very true. This is something I’ve been struggling with recently myself. It’s so easy for me to leave my computer open throughout the day, walk by and see “ooo! new email/facebook notification/etc.!” and get sucked in. My 18-month-old daughter sees me online constantly. And that’s not good. Yesterday I set the goal for myself of only going on the computer when she was asleep (first thing in the morning, afternoon nap — although I took a nap at that time too — and at night. I got so much more accomplished, and was able to really focus on her too. I need to try and do this every day. Thanks for the reminder!
http://kerugma.net/blog/2007/10/27/emotionally-absent-homeschool-mom/ Susan (HomeGrownKids)

Good on you Brooke. These days it might be Social Media but a few years ago it was ‘forums’. Well, for me anyway.

In essence, it doesn’t matter if it is Twitter, FB, forums, blogs, books or TV. Anything that we put before our husband’s, children and duties (not sure that’s the word I’m looking for here but…) needs to be re evaluated. I periodically take a sabbatical from blogging (gasp!) and social media- and rarely am I sorry for doing so.

Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life.
Proverbs 4:23

Bless you!
http://joyfulmothering.net Christin

Girl you nailed it and you won me over to join you.

When I read this,
“It’s no wonder they don’t listen to me when I talk. I’ve made a habit of ignoring them.”

It pierced my heart and my eyes welled with tears. Because that is truth around here.

But I am thankful for truth.

Thank you.
http://simpleglory.blogspot.com/ Kendra

This post was such a timely one for me. I spent some of my early mothering years keeping a blog, and have just recently stepped back into this sphere. It can provide such a wonderful, encouraging sense of community. But, it can also prove to be merely a window to stare through and escape from the life happening right in front of me. I’ve been contemplating about the best time to read and write; and I fully agree that the majority of it needs to happen before the children are awake or after they are in bed. I love the quote that you included at the end. Best to you as you seek to give life through written words while also creating a life-giving home!
Anonymous

This is an awesome plan, an awesome post, Brooke. So incredibly honest and true. Even before Social Media, it was easy to get distracted and impatient. Been there, done that. Love this!
Marybeth Santos

This is so what Ive been evaluating lately, thanks for posting…and Im in!
http://www.parentingthetyke.com Clalbright

This is a great article and so true. I have been struggling with this myself. I was recently laid off from a teaching position. I joined Facebook to connect with others since I would be home with my now 9 month old and felt I needed some socialization, and I wanted to promote my new blog with it. I found myself doing the same thing-zoning out and hooked on the computer. I recently joined a group that is doing a 30 days of play challenge. The challenge is to play with your child uninterrupted for at least 15 minutes a day-no tv, no computer, no technology; just play. I found that when we play first thing in the morning I am more open to spending time with him. I am more motivated to get things done effeciently and I look more at what is really important. The challenge has changed my perspective on being the mom God wants me to be. I try to remember that being home with my son is a blessing. I could be working non-stop and missing out on so many precious moments with him. Thanks for reminding me of this.
Joy

Love it Brooke! I am with you! I recently revamped my “online budget” time and sticking to it is the very best thing for my family. The other thing that I do to keep myself accountable is to have online accountability with a friend. We email each other our schedules for online time and hold each other accountable to stick to it. Knowing I have to report to her helps me stay offline (and she knows when I’m not supposed to be on so if she sees me online, I’m in trouble!:)).
Thanks for your honesty!!

http://www.redeemingthetable.com Kamille

I truly like this idea Joy of emailing a friend with online accountability. So good.

Nicole

Thanks for your words of wisdom and inspiration. I do spend alot of time on the Internet and I steer away from social media. It’s so easy to waste precious time in places like twitter and facebook. God bless your ministry.
http://profiles.google.com/florasita Roxie Dufault

I am about to do the same thing ! I am actually canceling our internet an going back to using wifi at the library . I’ve been in a horrid slump since sept. it’s been awful and the more down I got the slacker I became .
we are doing more woodsie walks , eating breakfast together etc. I so empathize with you . our boys are older and so my ignoring them meant they were choosing video games and tv to occupy themselves . the more I felt like bad horrible mum the more I fit into the box I was putting myself into .
leaving the internet is like a breath of fresh air to me .
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Funkyfaithgirl

Brooke, This is perfect timing for me to hear. I’ve been having these same feeling and needing to grasp specifically what God was telling me to do.
Thanks for the push in the right direction!
Stopnsmellchocolate

Great post Brooke! It’s so easy to get off track. I need to work on getting to bed early and up early – am failing miserably at that right now. I do spend less time on social media than I used to and it doesn’t have the same pull, but I want to write on my blog and have trouble finding time for that. Thanks for your honesty and inspiration!
Lisa Jefferies

Thanks for this post. I have been trying to do similar things lately, and I like your “guidelines”. I hope it is going well so far!
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