Is the Grass Greener In Other Marriages?

November 3, 2011 By

Sometimes we are tempted to think the grass is greener in other marriages. We imagine that someone has something better than what we have and we want it. We can’t see the dirt from our side angle. And possibly it’s super green in the front yard where people see but in the back yard it’s filled with dead spots that are hidden from acquaintances.

To be honest, 2 summers ago, the neighbors on both sides of us literally had  greener grass. They both have in ground sprinklers and spent time tending to their yards. Their yards looked gorgeous. Ours on the other hand, was a bit burnt out by the sun. While we mowed and fertilized, it was clear that we had not spent any time putting sprinklers out to water it. My husband and I laughed and said – “the only green part of our lawn is where the neighbors sprinkler has actually sprayed over onto our yard!” lol!

We could have had exactly what the neighbors had, if we would have simply watered our yard!  Could this same principle apply in marriage?   Before we jump ship or sit in discontentment, let’s tend to our marriages and work on having the greener marriage!

6 Ways to  water and tend to our marriages:

1. Accept the fact that all marriages are flawed. ‎“Conflicts are not a sign that you have married the wrong person.They simply affirm that you are human.” Dr. Gary Chapman

2. Make your husband second priority only to God.

Flip flop your life so your marriage is not coming in dead last and you will find grass that looks burnt out start to grow green again.

3. Set aside one night a month as a date night.

Spend some time just enjoying your husband. Hold hands, steal kisses, talk, and listen. Slow down and enjoy each other like you did during the dating days!

4. Smile at your husband.

5. If your grass is looking brown in some spots tend specifically to those spots with prayer.

Do not let it die!

6. Do not neglect your marriage and assume that it will grow all on its own. That’s not how it works. My brown grass is not going to turn green on its own. It needs our attention. Discipline yourself to tend to it.

Please know that you are NOT alone! There are some pretty crazy seasons of life where spots of the grass just start to die. Dora cups and Chuck E Cheese take the place of romantic dinners. Enjoy your family moments at Chuck E Cheese – but remember ALSO to tend to your marriage…don’t let it get shoved aside because in 15 short years – your Dora cup drinkers will be out of the house and it will be back to just you and your husband. Will your grass be green at that point or dead?


The choice is yours.

Proverbs 14:1 “A wise woman builds her house, but with her own hands the foolish one tears hers down.”

 Walk with the King!

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19 Comments | Filed Under: Marriage/Relationships
About Courtney

Courtney blogs at WomenLivingWell.org on the topics of faith, marriage, parenting, and homemaking. She has been married to her high school sweetheart for nearly 14 years. She homeschools her son and daughter and is a graduate of the Moody Bible Institute.

In November 2009, she was featured on the Racheal Ray show on the topic of marriage. Her passion to see women live well inspired her in 2010 to start a second blog called GoodMorningGirls.org. There women gather together to dig into their Bibles daily through tech accountability groups.

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  • Tracy

    Thank u for this post! My marriage has seen its brown grass days, but praise God, the grass is looking super green these days! It has taken alot of nurturing to restore the once brown, desolate, bug infested grass to green, thick, lusterous grass we are now walking in. it took the lord giving me wisdom and guidance and it took giving myself up completely to God, changing my attitude and getting rid of the bugs in my life, it took loving withput conditions and with complete faith to see the changes in my life and his. Now I am so thankful and can humbly say, God has restored the desert of my marriage to a lush garden full of life. everyday I see new life springing up and I have learned that in order for any relationship to grow, especially my marriage, it takes effort, it takes loving without conditions, without attitude, with faith in God, with an attitude of appreciation, a concious effort to be loving and attentive and kind, it takes making god and my spouse my priority. My children still need nurturing and love and guidance, but now its souch easier eith my hunny by my side, and together we raise 3 wonderful, godfearing children…and thrte is more life in our marriage now than when we first began 15 years ago! God works the miracle, I just put my faith in him and do the works he plaved in my spirit..

  • Anonymous

    I am looking forward to your new series because only having been married for 3 years, I struggle with thinking that if there is conflict the grass is greener all around me, but not where I am. Also, will you talk specifically about how to put our husbands second to God?? I know, know, know this is truth, but I just don’t know what it looks like. We don’t even have children yet, and I’m already struggling with this. For example, if he is watching football, or doing something he wants to do for leisure, is putting him first sitting there beside him all day and not doing things I need to do? I do watch some with him and do things with him, but I’m just not sure what the day in and day out look like. I can’t imagine having kids and already struggling with this! :-)

    Thank you Courntney and Ruth!!

    Brenda

    • Maggie

      I’ve learned that I can do the housework when my husband is at work, and besides doing the dishes at night, I try to spend time with my husband. I might fold laundry during the game he is watching, but I make sure to let him know I am present with him. I always ask him questions about the game, and he is happy to explain what is going on.

      • Wobblyrobin

        I’m with “triplebraid”, do we need to sit by his side and bring him snacks? I have two kids that go to bed at 8. After that I pick up a bit and want to collapse and read or watch a show upstairs. I let him enjoy his guy shows on the big tv in the basement. I don’t feel I need to sit right by him. Often if I walk by after puting one child to bed he’ll stop me for a snack. I feel like a personal servant who is never off duty. To be honest, I don’t really enjoy spending time with him all that much. We are different people with different interests. I often have to keep him on task and focused too because of his adhd. I feel sane when I’ve had some time for myself. Homeschooling zaps up the rest of me.

        • http://www.womenlivingwell-courtney.blogspot.com womenlivingwell

          This is an interesting conversation to have and I completely relate! Especially because I do spend time in the evenings blogging rather than doing what he is doing. But there’s a few things that are KEY! You must be communicating everyday face to face (or phone to phone if you husband travels). Once communication breaks down…you have serious troubles.

          So it’s important to have no television or kids in the room and just to take time to connect – chatting about your day, concerns etc. this will also help with the connection in the bedroom (*wink). We do this (talk lol!) daily after the kids are in bed. My husband sits in his favorite chair and I sit across from him and we talk – sometimes we go deep and sometimes it’s over in 20 minutes and we both hop on our computers lol!

          Dr. Emerson Eggerich says that women like face to face companionship but men like side to side companionship. Think of how women like to get together for coffee and talk face to face while men like to go to a game and watch it side by side and to them that’s “bonding”. There are times we need to sacrifice and do what our husbands enjoy beside them because it builds the bond – and I think eventually you will come to enjoy it too when you see the results of regularly doing this. Vice versa – we need our husbands to be taking time out of their busy week to just talk to us – to go deep – maybe even have a date night.

          So I encourage you to ASK your husband…”what are one or two things you’d REALLY like me to do beside you – I’d like to try doing those for you”. Begin there – I think you will both be blessed.

          Courtney

          • Jeanne

            I am thinkin wobblyrobin’s grass is looking pretty green if she can get her kids to bed by 8!! And Courtney I am pretty dazzled with the “daily” comment! Seriously very good stuff, but I would definitely say our marriage has had seasons where the grass looks great and seasons where it looks more like winter – but that doesn’t mean it’s dead. It makes me appreciate the green more!
            Jeanne

  • http://thechuppies.blogspot.com/ Kara @ The Chuppies

    This is so needed Courtney….this reminder and encouragement…thank you!
    I need this…
    And it’s crazy how much my whole heart and attitude about my marriage is affected by what I let my mind dwell on…if I’m recycling a list of the areas of marriage that are a struggle…I end up discouraged and negative, but if I will choose to “take every thought captive to the obedience of Christ” and dwell on what I am SO-very-thankful for about my husband and my marriage…I really do start sensing my heart giving thanks for the huge blessing that my husband is…that my marriage is.

    Love these two quotes by Paul Tripp–

    “Marriage really is just a long-term exercise in gardening.
    If you’ve done any gardening you know that there simply aren’t any shortcuts…
    Gardens begin with hard work…
    Why is it that we don’t expect our gardens to grow by themselves…yet we expect our marriages to blossom beautifully without the daily work of pulling up weeds and planting seeds.”
    ~What Did You Expect? by Paul Tripp (page 101)

    “When you are sinned against or when the fallen world breaks your door down, don’t lash out or run away.
    Stand in your weakness and confusion and say, ‘I am not alone. God is with me, and He is faithful, powerful, and willing.’ You can be realistic and hopeful at the very same time.
    Realistic expectations are not about hope without honesty, and they are not about honesty without hope.
    Realism is found at the intersection of unabashed honesty and uncompromising hope.
    God’s Word and God’s grace make both possible in your marriage.”
    ~Paul David Tripp

    • http://www.womenlivingwell-courtney.blogspot.com womenlivingwell

      OH I LOVE these quotes Kara thank you for sharing them!!!
      Courtney

  • The Nourishing Home

    Amen, sister! Thank you for this terrific post. I am going to post it to our Marriage Ministry’s FB page. My hubby and I are small group leaders in our church’s marriage ministry (THRIVE) and we can’t agree more that we often want that greener grass that we see in other marriages, but it doesn’t come from just desiring it, it comes from nurturing and tending our marriages, and through building the foundation of our marriage on Christ through time in the word together and through lots of prayer. Thank you so much for point out that marriage takes work and that our hubby should be our number one priority after the Lord! What a blessing you are! In Him, Kelly

  • http://www.facebook.com/sklipstein Shannon Klipstein

    Very nice article, thank you!

  • http://www.gregandmandi.blogspot.com Amanda

    Great post, Courtney! Thanks so much for your ministry to all of us. :)

  • http://frugaltrophywife.com Brooke F

    i just smiled at my hubby: “what do you want? do i have something in my teeth?” then he took my dinner plate, rinsed it, and put it in the dishwasher. “is that what you wanted?”

    drove him crazy because he didn’t know why i was smiling. it was a lot of fun – thanks!!

  • Janelle

    AMEN girlie! Great marriages don’t just happen…it takes intention! Great article to pass around…love ya

  • http://belle-brunette.blogspot.com/ Evelien

    It does sometimes look greener but I feel my marriage grass is still pretty green too! I’m only just married for 4 months so maybe that’s the reason ;)
    But we have already started a marriage course to learn to talk to each other about things we normally don’t talk about! It’s so much fun :)

  • Randomacts101

    Thank you~~~you hit the nail on the head! Thank you for sharing…such a good reminder…that everyone needs to put into practice.

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  • http://inthelandoflou.blogspot.com Alyssa Duncan

    I appreciate this post! Marriage is NOT easy, especially after having a new baby, and the reminders to keep your marriage as a priority are important! Thanks. :)

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