Grace in the Moment

October 11, 2011 By

Raise your hand if you want to be a godly mama to your precious little ones. Me too! Raise your hand again if you ever struggle with getting frustrated with your kids when they mess up, even when you KNOW in your head that is not the right response.  See my raised hand? I struggle with this, well, daily.

As a mother, I need so much grace as I go about my day.  God is so unbelievably faithful to meet me where I am and encourage my heart. That is why I want to reflect His love and grace to my kids.  Giving them grace in the moment is my goal. 

If you struggle like me, here are some simple ways to give grace in the moment of frustration:  

1.  Take a deep breath. Take another one. Now 8 more.

2. Throw up a quick prayer. Simply saying HELP is a great one. 1 Thessalonians 5:17 instructs us to pray without ceasing, and I think in the midst of a stressful situation is the perfect time to send up a “help me” prayer request!

3. Smile.  Yes, smile. Smile at those cute little faces, even though you don’t feel like it. “A joyful heart is good medicine” (Proverbs17:22), and since your kiddos can’t see your heart, let them see it on your face.

4.  Make eye contact.  Get those little eyes to look at you full in the face.

5.  Think logically.  Try really hard.  Was this offense intentional or is it the result of being careless and silly?  While even if they were being careless and silly it could still warrant a consequence, it should be a different thing entirely than if they were intentionally sinning.

6.  Give grace in your words.  Speak of love, Christ’s atonement, and forgiveness.  Giving grace doesn’t mean letting them off of the hook for the offense, it just means that you speak love to them in the moment.  It means you explain to them that without Christ, not one of us can get it right.

7.  Issue a consequence due the crime, NOT according to feelings.  If I issued consequences based on my feelings it would be something like a lifetime in prison, gruel for breakfast, and toilet duty with a toothbrush. Instead, we need to think through the offense and come up with the appropriate consequence and communicate the “why” of our choice with the child.

8. Pray together and HUG. Always, always, always end a time of correction or training with prayer and a big ol’ hug.  Making those connections in the teachable moment is SO important!

Yes, we will fail our precious children.  We will get it wrong.  Thankfully, though, the Lord will never give up on us and HE will give us the strength to give grace in the moment!

Blessings, Joy

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About Joy

Joy is the wife to a missionary pilot and they, along with their five kids, live in Indonesia.  Joy is a proud wife, blessed mommy, Diet Coke fanatic, runner, homeschooler, reader, thinker, home-maker, lover of nature, and most of all, an undeserving recipient of amazing grace, and grateful daughter of God.  Joy's heart is to encourage women to revel in their job as mommy and wife, and to see it as good and needed work.  She shares her heart and life of being a mom with readers at her site, Grace Full Mama.

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  • http://joyfulmothering.net Christin

    Joy, once again you speak such graceful and truthful words for our mama hearts. It is so needed in this season. I love how detailed you are! Like #7. It’s so easy to blur that line when emotions run high. We’re all learning right?! Blessings my friend {{big hugs}} :)

    • Joy

      Yes, we are all learning. Some of us (me!) more slowly than others! Why it has taken me until my oldest is 11 to start figuring some of this out is a mystery! I had a lot of growing to do, and I’m so thankful that the Lord makes each new day with no mistakes in it….yet! Love to you, sister!

  • http://www.7sistershomeschool.com Sara

    I especially like #3: Smile at your children. This is all the more important when you’re dealing with a child who frequently and maybe even knowingly, ‘pushes your buttons’. The love we have for our children can be obscured in the frustration of a intentionally disobedient or careless/silly moment. Our children will receive our correction so much more easily if they know, and can see on our faces often, that we love, cherish, and enjoy them.

    • Joy

      Oh Sara,
      What wise, thoughtful words. Thank you for sharing. You have deeply encouraged my heart today. Thank you!!!

  • Amy

    I have had to teach myself to not punish my kids for being KIDS!

    • Joy

      Exactly. I think we have all been there, and have had to remind ourselves, “oh yeah, they are KIDS!!” :)

  • http://MoreTimeWithOurKids.com Erika Dawson

    Joy, yesterday I wrote about my epic fail last week at just this. Your tips here are so. very. important, helping us to remove ourselves from the emotion of it all {especially when there are a million other things that have nothing to do with our kids crowding out our emotions!}. Thank you for your wise words!

    • Joy

      Oh, Erika, we have all had those epic fails. As I wrote on your blog, that is why humility is so important to me. Knowing that I won’t get it all right as a mom, but knowing that I can trust in His grace to restore the things I have broken as I walk in humility. :) Love you!

  • Anonymous

    Ooooo LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE this! I need to print this out and keep it handy. It has been my prayer to show more grace in the midst of frustration. Thank you for this article, I will definitely work on the breathing and praying and then putting that smile on my face. I want my children to know the JOY they are to me even when they do something “frustrating”. They are the best gift (besides CHRIST) I have ever been given and I want to treat them as GOD treats me! Thank you again reading this, this morning has been food for my soul and encouragement to my spirit! GOD BLESS!!!!

    • Joy

      Amy, Oh your words are so encouraging and right on!! Thanks for sharing your heart. It is so good to know that I am not alone on this journey. We can all stand together!! Thank YOU for blessing me with your enthusiasm and encouragement today!!

  • Jen Butterfield

    I really do need to have this engraved in my home somewhere. So thought out, helpful and true to Gods word. I will be saving this page and referring back here often.

    • Joy

      Thanks, Jen, for your kinds words. I need this list daily as well. I need to refer to it oh so often. I should probably have it tattooed on my body somewhere!! :)

      • http://www.relatingrestoratively.weebly.com Joy

        Joy thank you for your wonderful list. What a great help. So simple and to the point. (By the way I love your name)

  • http://www.fixedonhim.blogspot.com Denise

    This sure is a daily struggle for me. Especially since I am home with them 24/7. Your list of ways to help is great. I really like #3- I have never thought of that and I can’t imagine what my face must look like in the moment with our girls! Thanks for sharing, Joy! :)

    • Joy

      Denise, I think it is a daily struggle for most of us!! I know it is for me. I am such a sinner and need so much grace, but I’m thankful that the Lord, in His mercy, doesn’t just leave us there!!

  • Tonya

    THANK YOU! Inspiring yet realistic words for my morning. Thanks for being real.

    • Joy

      You are welcome Tonya. Thanks for joining in the journey with me and all the rest of these ladies!

  • http://www.onefunmom.com Christy

    Thanks Joy! This one is a great reminder! I always need to remember to give a consequence that fits the crime, not my feelings. And it’s so easy to get angry when I’m tired of dealing with the same offense! But I need to remember that they’re children! Thanks friend!

    • Joy

      Christy, you are welcome. I think that giving an appropriate consequence is so important, but difficult to do in the moment. :) It is so very easy to get angry, isn’t it?! That is why I am so glad that we are all in this together, spurring each other on.

  • Jennie McClellan

    My kids are all grown, but this is still a timely reminder! Thanks.

    • Joy

      Thanks Jennie! :)

  • Anonymous

    I have the tendency be Mt. Momma when it comes to discipline. As a single, homeschooling momma that’s also in graduate school I can loose my temper very quickly. I have been praying and learn to keep that under control so that I’m not on the verge of abusing my boys. I have started explaining the why behind the discipline works wonders with my 5 year old!

    • Joy

      Oh LaToya, How do you do it?!!! WOW. Hats off to you BIG TIME. Your idea to share the why behind the discipline is a great idea!! Love that!
      I just prayed for you, for peace, love, and joy. I pray that you are uplifted and encouraged today. You are amazing!!

      • Anonymous

        Thank you for your prayers! I definite need them. As for how I do it, I have no idea. Quite often I fail in some (or all areas). God is always there to help me out though, when I remember to ask for it!

        • Joy

          Well, you are an inspiration. :) Blessings on you today LaToya.

  • The Nourishing Home

    Great post, Joy! You are so right-on about #7! How many times have I been rash with a consequence due to my emotions over the situation! So much better to stop and pray. If I’m really overwhelmed by anger or frustration over disobedience, I take a time out – to go pray and cool off. This helps me to connect with our Savior and remember that my example will either commend the Gospel to my children or compromise my witness to them. It’s good for them to see this in practice and we encourage them to do the same with one another. Take a time out when angry to pray and think about why you’re upset and how Christ would want you to handle it. If only we could remember to do this every time! Praising God for His grace and mercy and patience! Father God, please help us to shower others with the abundance of grace, mercy and forgiveness You give us daily, Lord!!

    • Joy

      Great thoughts!! I LOVE your idea of taking a “mommy time-out”! I need to start doing this! I often take a time-out after the whole thing is over, but having the presence of mind to stop in the midst is an excellent idea. Thank you for sharing, really great thoughts Kelly!

  • Michelle

    Great post! Thank you for sharing something that has been on my heart lately. God bless you.

    • Joy

      Thank you Michelle, and may God bless you richly as well. :)

  • Anonymous

    Great tips, the think logicically one, so very hard in the heat of the moment, right!

    • Joy

      Yes, yes, yes. Thinking logically and sanely in the moment is a big challenge. Just glad to know I’m not the only one who struggles! :)

  • http://www.thesimplehomemaker.com/death-of-steve-jobs-reflections Christy, The Simple Homemaker

    This is something I have been working on. (What isn’t?!) I pray before I speak, and don’t speak until I feel that my words will not be hurtful or wrongfully motivated. It is very difficult some days…like today. God’s grace is all that can carry both mother and child through some situations, and I long to reflect that grace as you describe. I refuse, however, to give up the right to demand bathroom duty with a toothbrush. :)

    • Joy

      Oh Christy,
      You never cease to Crack. me. up!! You can keep the bathroom duty, I give you my permission! :)
      And, you are right, it is God’s amazing grace that I cling to each and EVERY day of this mothering thing. Boy, do I have a long way to go!

  • Karla

    Thank you Joy!!! So needed! I am so thankful for Grace Full Mama:)

    • Joy

      Oh Karla, you are sweet. :)

  • http://twitter.com/dashingly Lindsey

    Not flipping on my kids is something I’ve really been working on. The number one thing I’m realizing is that anger is completely useless in many of these situations. I also find myself sentencing them to “jail time” when I’m furious, and have to go back and reduce the punishment – so #7 really spoke to me.

    • Joy

      Yes, Lindsey, nodding my head with you. I have realized too, the anger does nothing except make everyone, including me sad. :( I have also noticed that when I am hungry, tired, or stressed my punishments are inane and don’t make much sense. I need to keep a gauge on myself to not let myself get too tired or stressed out!
      Thanks for sharing!

  • Kristi

    Thank you for this great reminder and timely post.

    I asked my 2yo to do something today and received a big melt down, thrashing on the floor in reply. I smiled big and sweetly but firmly asked again…all the while thinking ‘I should smile more often while disciplining and asking.”

    Very timely and practical! Cant wait to see you in a couple weeks irl. :)

    • Joy

      Kristi!
      You are so right on about needing to smile more…it’s a constant struggle for me! :) It’s awesome that you could think of that in the moment. Can’t wait to see you!! Let’s make sure we connect!

  • http://aboverubies.net Far Above Rubies

    Great tips, Joy. I love #1 take a deep breath – now 8 more. ;-)

    • Joy

      That is one of my favorites…one is never enough for me! :)

  • Mandadyck

    Need this EVERY day, this is a daily struggle for me! Don’t know when I got so grouchy:(

    • Joy

      I’m right there with ya with the grouchy thing. Maybe it gets worse as we get older??!!! :)

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