There Are Rats In My Cellar

September 16, 2011 By

I owed them an apology. 

You could say I lost it.
My husband made a small comment about the status of the–
clutter-dirty-messy-ish-ness of our house…

And I went on a rampage.
I started tossing toys, candy wrappers, shoes, broken pencils, popsicle-stick-art-projects…
And tender emotions–
into the garbage.

I said (or…um…maybe ranted) things like:

How many times do I need to remind you to hang the jackets up as soon as we walk in the door?

Do you think I enjoy scratching stickers off of windows !?!

Why in the world would you clean your rock collection in the bathroom sink–that is the only bathroom I actually got cleaned today!?!

Really???  You thought that was clean–clearly that shirt needs to be washed !?!

Really??? You thought that was dirty–do you think I have time to wash clean clothes !?!

And on…and on…and on….
And on.

They stared at me with confused, blank, teary faces.
I wish I could say that I turned things around before bedtime.

But it wasn’t until the next morning that I was ready to face who am I when I don’t let the love of Christ control me.  I couldn’t avoid the mantra that kept playing over and over in my mind:

…for the anger of man does not produce the righteousness of God…
~James 1:19

We just studied that passage.
But why am I continually the one who–

 …looks at himself and goes away and at once forgets what he was like?
~James 1:24

I want to be the one who–

…looks into the perfect law, the law of liberty, and perseveres,
being no hearer who forgets, but a doer who acts.
~James 1:25

 

And so came the next morning.
And at breakfast I asked for their forgiveness.

Me:  “I just want to tell you that I shouldn’t have said those things in the way I said them last night.”

Our child who is most like me:  “But you did…”

Me:  “I know…and I’m really sorry…will you forgive me?”

Thankfully, there was a resounding YES and hugs and much grace given.
But I read this recently in Nancy Wilson’s book Building Her House and it was so convicting:

A child growing up in a home filled with
selfishness, criticism, impatience, and bitterness
does not flourish…
(parents) fail to realize how potent their words and actions are,
for good or ill…
Nothing we do is neutral;
it will either feed and nourish or starve and impoverish.

It’s easy to excuse the outburst or criticism with so many rationalizations.

But–there is a difference between patient teaching-training and frustrated criticism.
And there is no excuse for sin.
And that’s really what it is.
And the kids can see them–
Those rats in my cellar…

Surely what a man does when he is taken off his guard
is the best evidence
for what sort of man he is? 
Surely what pops out before the man has time to put on a disguise is the truth? 
If there are rats in the cellar you are most likely to see them if you go in very suddenly. 
But the suddenness does not create the rats: it only prevents them from hiding. 
In the same way the suddenness of the provocation does not make me an ill-tempered man;
it only shows me what an ill-tempered man I am.
~ C.S. Lewis

I don’t want to be a wife and mommy who tears down my house with my own hands (Proverbs 14:1).

Praise God who gives grace and forgiveness.
Praise God who redeems my failures.
Praise God who changes hearts and heals hurts.
Praise God…who sees the rats in my cellar…and still doesn’t give up on me.

My prayer for today and tomorrow…and pretty much forever–

Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart
be acceptable in Your sight,
O Lord, my Rock and my Redeemer.
~Psalm 19:14
*Photo courtesy of Beverly and Pack.

 

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61 Comments | Filed Under: Discipling Children, Following God, Hope, Parenting, Prayer, Uncategorized Tagged With: , , , , ,
About Kara Chupp

Kara is 16-years-married to her husband Jason, one of the funniest and most generous people she knows. They have five kiddos, four here and one in heaven. They also have a muppet-like-mess of a dog, non-breeding Madagascar Hissers (who have had over 100 babies), guinea pigs, and a whole bunch of stick bugs. Kara writes mostly about family, adoption, grief, education, traditions, literature, organization, Heaven, and most-importantly- her love for God. You can find her family adventures at The Chuppies. Google

  • http://joyfulmothering.net Christin

    Yes, yes, yes!!!! This is something we are working on around here is anger. Excellent points here, Kara. Thank you so much for your transparency and sharing your heart, friend. (((hugs)))

    • http://thechuppies.blogspot.com/ Kara @ The Chuppies

      We’re working on anger over here too…
      Clearly.
      And it’s so convicting when I see their outbursts of anger and have to acknowledge that my example has played a part in all that…
      SO thankful for new days, fresh starts, and God’s forgiveness…
      Thanks so much for the encouraging words Christin…

  • http://thetoyboxyears.blogspot.com Jennifer @ The Toy Box Years

    Thank you for sharing your heart. I had a similar run-in with the rats yesterday myself. I was not a good mommy and still feel terrible. An apology is in order this morning…..

    • http://thechuppies.blogspot.com/ Kara @ The Chuppies

      But–praise God for a new morning, fresh start…and an opportunity for the gospel…
      I have to cling to that–
      That His grace can overshadow my parenting failures…
      That when they see me need His forgiveness…and reach out for it–
      There it is–the come-along-side gospel shared.
      WE all fall short of His glory, His plan, His goodness.
      We ALL need Him.
      I have to cling to the hope that He can press that Truth into their little hearts as they look on.

  • Anonymous

    Wow. Thank you for this. It is so true. The words show what is in the heart. Oh, Father, change my heart. Make it more like Yours. I am always humbled by how quickly my children forgive. That’s something the previous generations never thought was necessary. They were the parents. But we have learned the power of forgiveness and God continues to amaze me at what He can do, even in my failures. Not justifying them, of course. I am humbled by His faithfulness when I am so often not faithful.

    • http://thechuppies.blogspot.com/ Kara @ The Chuppies

      “Of Father, change my heart…Make it more like yours.”
      How often I pray this…
      I feel the same way about the kiddos and forgiveness…humbled.
      Going to pray this NOW before I get our crew up and moving this morning….

  • http://faithfullyhome.blogspot.com Melissa

    Thank you for being so open, Kara. I have been in this position too many times. Except instead of asking for forgiveness and trying to be better, I just throw up my hands and give up. I tell myself (or I believe the lie) that obviously I can’t do this well, so I should just quit. It’s a constant battle. I don’t want to believe the lies or be ruled by anger. I want to have a quiet and gentle spirit, reveling in the truths of the Word, demonstrating the peace and love of Christ to my family.

    • http://thechuppies.blogspot.com/ Kara @ The Chuppies

      Oh Melissa…how many times I have NOT asked for forgiveness….
      But we’ve started to look at the forgiveness-asking as an opportunity to share the gospel with our kiddos…because I know that I don’t have to convince them that I need His forgivenss…they’ve seen it (unfortunately)…

      But today–
      A new day.
      A fresh start.
      Praying–God change my heart. Make it like Yours.
      Because I know…in my own strength…it’ll never happen.
      And you’re so right–it’s a constant battle.

  • http://www.singingthroughtherain.com Kathryn

    Loved this!

    • http://thechuppies.blogspot.com/ Kara @ The Chuppies

      Thank you Kathryn :)

  • Crider5

    I think we have all been there! I have just started reading a book called “Parenting with Love and Logic” by Jim Fay. It is a wonderful book and I would suggest it to all my friends!

    • http://thechuppies.blogspot.com/ Kara @ The Chuppies

      I think I read that book back in my high school teaching days…will have to see if I can find it :)
      Thanks!

  • Carlaisaiah

    YEP! BTDT..Too many times. I wish I saw this as my younger self.

    • http://thechuppies.blogspot.com/ Kara @ The Chuppies

      Me too…
      I have to trust that His grace can cover my parenting failures.

  • Barb Spencer

    Thanks, Kara, for your post. Our children learn so much when we are vulnerable and honest. I have had to do this so many times. We each know our own failings all too well. These times are such teachable times. Thanks so much for your honesty and openness.

    • http://thechuppies.blogspot.com/ Kara @ The Chuppies

      Thank you Barb…for the encouragement….
      “Our children learn so much when we are vulnerable and honest”.
      This is my prayer–
      Please Lord–take my mess and somehow use it to turn their hearts to You.

  • http://profiles.google.com/cheryl.a.long Cheryl Long

    Psalm 19:14 was one of the very first verses I memorized as a new Christian 14 years ago and it is still the prayer of my heart each day. But I fail. Often. Praise the Lord that His mercies are new every morning! Thank you for your transparency in sharing this post.

    • http://thechuppies.blogspot.com/ Kara @ The Chuppies

      I love that Psalm…and especially how it ends…”my Redeemer”…there is HOPE !!!
      So thankful!

  • Anonymous

    so much wisdom…thank you…

  • http://joyfilleddays.wordpress.com/ sarah beals

    Thanks for sharing this, Kara. We have all done this and had to seek forgiveness! Thx for your transparency! Love, Sarah

    • http://thechuppies.blogspot.com/ Kara @ The Chuppies

      Always appreciate you Sarah…loved the recent post on an opportunity you had to miss.
      I am still learning not to let the “good” things crowd out the “best”.
      Ugh.
      How long will I learn and relearn this lesson ?

  • Lynn McInnis

    YEP! You hit me right between the eyes. Thank you for being real and reminding me how often I speak before I listen to HIM.

  • Anonymous

    Ouch….thank you for your transparency, it has allowed me to see myself as well!
    Blessings!

    • http://thechuppies.blogspot.com/ Kara @ The Chuppies

      Thank you…

  • http://worksofanselm.blogspot.com Naomi A.

    Such a great post, thank you so much for writing this! I can see a lot of grace in my life from the time I got married and blew up on a regular basis, but I still have so far to go. I am so thankful for a family – and for a God – who forgives my trespasses, when I am faithful to repent of them!

    • http://thechuppies.blogspot.com/ Kara @ The Chuppies

      I love this…that you can look back and see God transforming…
      Evidence of Phil 1:6 (which I cling to)
      “He who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ.”
      So much hope in that verse!

  • http://twitter.com/HappyBrownHouse Sara M.

    Oh, Kara. I’ve been so short with everyone now that little brother has arrived and I’m so very sleep-deprived. My lack of sleep is no excuse. I needed to read this today.

    • http://thechuppies.blogspot.com/ Kara @ The Chuppies

      …but I think God has a little extra tenderness for those sleep-deprived-hormonally-challenged-emotionally-exhausted mamas…
      Where’s that verse about Him gently leading the nursing ewes?
      Isaiah?
      I remember those days friend….hard, amazing, hard, precious, hard, beautiful days…
      Will stop and pray for you right now…
      So thankful your little Asher has arrived…will pray for big brother too (and little-sister-Lord-willing).

  • Jchitwood

    As a mommy who rants more frequently than I want to admit and louder than I want to admit, thank you for letting me know I am not alone but also that I don’t have to admit defeat. Thank you for the great quotes and the verses leading me to hope that God’s not finished with me yet and I can apologize and try again.

    • http://thechuppies.blogspot.com/ Kara @ The Chuppies

      I love that– “God’s not finished with me yet”

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Julie-Robbins/100000077182371 Julie Robbins

    Very convicting! Thank you!!!!!!!

  • nancy

    Thanks you

  • http://www.onefunmom.com Christy

    Kara, this was great! I love the phrase, “rats in my cellar”.
    He tends his flock like a shepherd: He gathers the lambs in his arms and carries them close to his heart; he gently leads those that have young. Isaiah 40:11 – I cling to that one frequently!

    • http://thechuppies.blogspot.com/ Kara @ The Chuppies

      Thank you!!! That’s exactly the one I was looking for… :)

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=565340769 Karly Jaco

    much needed. another great post

    • http://thechuppies.blogspot.com/ Kara @ The Chuppies

      Thanks Karly…

  • Melissa

    wow, this was me today. Thank you for the Scripture and the convicting words. Tomorrow will have to start differently… Rats…yuck! Thank you for that word picture. Time for some extermination!

    • http://thechuppies.blogspot.com/ Kara @ The Chuppies

      If He can just catch ahold of my heart…before words start coming out of my mouth.
      Need to pray this before I even pull back the covers and attempt the day.
      I love that rat quote…the fact they they may be hidden…but they were there all the time.
      You’re so right–extermination!!!

  • Laura

    Wow. Thank you, thank you, thank you for sharing this. I needed to be reminded that it is sin when I talk to my kids with frustrated criticism instead of patiently teaching them. Have lots of pent up frustration right now and know that I can take it out on my kids. Psalm 19:14 is my prayer too and I loved the quote by Nancy Wilson. Thanks for the reminder!

    • http://thechuppies.blogspot.com/ Kara @ The Chuppies

      Laura–I know that “pent up frustration” feeling…
      So hard to turn it around and lay it before Him.
      Will pray that for you tonight–you have my promise.
      I was there on Tuesday…rough day.

  • Bonnie

    Thank you Kara for a wonderful post. I read this and shared it on FB first thing this morning. The day quickly went downhill and all 3 of us were in tears at by “the witching hour”- the time right before dinner. I had to read this again to build myself up for tomorrow. I too do not want rats in my basement and want to see my children (toddler and infant) built up and seeing the Lord in our home. They did not see that today! While Scripture is always uplifting, the quote from the Nancy Wilson book stands out to me because I want my children, my home to flourish. Tomorrow is another day for grace, forgiveness and more patience. :)

    • http://thechuppies.blogspot.com/ Kara @ The Chuppies

      Oh Bonnie–how your words touch my heart.
      That was Tuesday for me…such a hard day.
      I felt like a failure by 2pm.
      Went to a meeting with my daughter’s teacher on Wed.(we homeschool T/TH and are in class M/W/F)
      and we had a time of prayer….
      I just wept.
      And felt ridiculous.
      But it was Him touching my heart, refreshing me, speaking to me through His Word…and I SO needed it.
      A breath of fresh air…a clean start…His forgivenes…Hope.
      Will pray that for you tonight…I’m writing it down.
      You’re so right…tomorrow is another day…I memorized Psalm 103 a while back.
      “as far as the east is from the west, so far does He remove our transgressions from us”…
      I love your heart for your children and for Him.
      Blessings,
      Kara

  • Kate

    That Nancy Wilson quote was really good for me – “nothing we do is neutral” – so good to remember!

    • http://thechuppies.blogspot.com/ Kara @ The Chuppies

      So true–
      Just read an essay by Andree Seu (one of my favorite authors) about that–
      Our marriage is always getting better or getting worse.
      Our relationship with God is always getting better or getting worse.

      “Nothing stands still. Life is but a series of moments, each containing a choice. Each choice is either to obey the present impulse of the Spirit or to disobey. Each choice is either to act in love or in selfishness, in faith or in unbelief.” ~Seu

  • http://www.dlt-lifeontheranch.blogspot.com Diane

    What a wonderful post! Everyone has rats in their basement. Different sizes, it’s true, but rats all the same. It’s wonderful to know that whenever we have a melt down, God still understands and loves us. That his love isn’t dependant on us living perfect lives. Thank you for sharing!

    • http://thechuppies.blogspot.com/ Kara @ The Chuppies

      Oh how thankful I am for that Truth–His love “isn’t dependant on us living perfect lives”…
      Thanks Diane…

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  • Anonymous

    thank you for writing this, Kara! i was having my quiet time this morning, wondering what i might write today, and just feeling dry, dry, dry. i ready your post, and it hit the nail on the head. feeling so overwhelmed. and that stress is overflowing into this life that i so want to be a blessing to those in my home! so my writing for the day referred back to what you wrote, for i believe so many women are finding themselves right there this day, and need that encouragement. thanks for being real, sharing your struggles, and always pointing back to the Hope that we have in Him. Him alone.
    blessings, dear sister,
    steph

    • http://thechuppies.blogspot.com/ Kara @ The Chuppies

      Thank you friend…
      I know we share some of the same stressors.
      I need to get off this computer and go SPEND TIME WITH HIM before our kiddos wake up :)
      I will be praying for you when I pray for myself this morning…for patience and joy and a focus on Him today…that I’ll see them with His eyes and will love them with His love.
      Always appreciate you Steph…

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  • http://amylsullivan.blogspot.com/ Amy Sullivan

    Kara,
    Oh, I’ve had many days when I wish I could rewind my words. Thanks for reminding me that tearing down is never building up.

  • http://twitter.com/SemiHealthNut Amanda

    What book was that C.S. Lewis quote from? Or was it just a random quote?

    All of us have had these kind of days…and I don’t even have kids yet! So I hope you don’t get down on yourself too hard because God is always always working on us. (But you probably know that!)

    Thank you sooo much for sharing this.

    Amanda

  • http://findingheaventoday.blogspot.com Jen Ferguson

    Amazing post, Kara. Thank you for linking it up with Soli Deo Gloria. Your words are inspiring and full of truth.

    • http://thechuppies.blogspot.com/ Kara @ The Chuppies

      Thanks so much Jen…always thankful for the encouragement I find at your place…

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  • Nicole

    Came across this this morning after FLIPPING out on everyone. I’m tired, have the start of a cold, PMS, am jealous my husband can “just leave” for work while I am stuck doing the “grunt work” of getting everyone out the door and myself to work. Anger, bitterness, frustration, self pity…that is what is in my heart this morning…those are my rats. Thank you for your post and reminding me of God’s grace. Praying Psalm 19:14 today. Thank you!

  • Mommybyhisgrace

    wow, I totally get that!! Thank you for being so real and raw. Thank you for your encouragement. Thank you for loving the Lord and sharing your life.

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  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=734365559 Gwendolen Stanley

    This is all well and good except I don’t see or understand where it tells you how to change things. I am not trying to attack or be ugly, I truly want change in my house. I am feeling like a broken record to try and get my girls to be more loving to each other. When they talk to each other it is with snideness, clipped tones, rudeness, etc… I have talked/explained/shown til I am exhausted and frustrated with their actions and really would like help/ideas on how to get them to talk to each other without being rude…After the umpteenth time of asking them to stop, I go off and then feel horrible. I know that doesn’t show the love of Christ, but I am just at a loss for how to fix it…